Week 12: Questions Abound

Washington 7, Pittsburgh 16

OK, I'll admit it.

I have no idea what's wrong with the Redskins. After 11 games, I'm at a loss. And it's not because I took a little time away from the NFL for the last two weekends. (I had actually started writing some thoughts on the Pacers/Pistons melee and the dreadful Redskins loss to the Egos, but work and personal schedules ate up my time. Maybe I'll post up the unfinished stuff.) I mean that what I'm seeing on the field is so uninspiring, so dad-blamed awful that I'm nearly speechless as to its source. How boring has this team become? I felt nary an inkling of guilt in starting the Pittsburgh defense on my fantasy team. And yes, they helped me win.

Nonetheless, I think I speak for many Washington area fans when I raise some lingering questions:

(1) What has happened to the Redskins' offense? I don't mean to cause alarm, but the Skins have scored a total of 138 points this season. 12.5 points per game. Less than two touchdowns per contest. Washington has the worst scoring offense in the league, behind such perennial powerhouses as the Arizona Cardinals and San Francisco 49ers. Not to put too fine a point on this query, but the Redskins have 34 points less than the next lowest-scoring franchise, the Chicago Bears. That's an entire games' worth of scoring! (Or, for us, three games' worth of points.) It is incredulous, but Washington is an entire game behind the league! Meanwhile, our punter is having a career year.

Coach Gibbs runs an offense starring Clinton Portis and Laveranues Coles, two marquee players for their former teams, Denver and the New York Jets. Coles entered this season with seven, five and six touchdowns in his last three seasons. This year, "Parkay" Coles has one touchdown. One. Portis the Pine Rider had 15 and 14 touchdowns in his first two seasons before arriving in D.C. As of today, he has two.

I have no answers for this. I believe it was Michael Wilbon at the Washington Post who noted a couple of weeks ago that if the Redskins' offense had simply been average, they would have won five of their first eight games. Now look at us. Three wins and searching for solutions. Speaking of riddles...

(2) How did Clinton Portis get such great seats for the Pittsburgh game? For the few of you who stomached all of Sunday's game, you saw a Mister Ladell Betts rush more times and for twice as many yards as Portis. The uninjured $50 million running back (who, for the record, is nine touchdowns behind $1 million backup runner Jerome Bettis) got to watch the offense struggle to less than 200 yards of total offense, touching tbe ball seven times for 17 yards. Have mercy.

Now Coach Gibbs is defending the decision to bench Portis, saying that he was relying on Patrick "Pharaoh" Ramsey to push the team down the field against one of the NFL's best defenses. Isn't that like asking Michael Knight to defeat Goliath without KITT (or Arnold Jackson)? You just don't do it. I dunno what Portis did to deserve benching, but the choice virtually guaranteed a loss to the Steelers...considering that with Poris playing, we haven't scored more than than 18 points. Fans should be thankful that Ramsey only turned the ball over once, though he was dropped to the turf five times.

Mum's the word from Portis as to why he sat out. Maybe he spit on someone. Or got a DUI during halftime. Even if you're going to go pass-wacky in the second half, Portis should stay in to, um, catch the ball.

(3) Which headliner gets replaced first in the offseason? Here's what we do know: Mark Brunell played himself out of Washington football. Patrick Ramsey, God bless 'em, has tried as a starter but has produced only 13 total points (albeit to the two top teams in the league) in two weeks. Portis and Coles' numbers I've mentioned. Gardner has the most receiving touchdowns on the team (5), but has disappeared in the last three weeks (7 catches for 65 yards). Washington has no serious offensive threat; nothing like a shrewd field general (Payton Manning), dual-threat runner (LaDaininan Tomlinson), or sure-handed speedster (Randy Moss).

The answer, my friend, means throwing in the wind. I say we pick up a young, proven, free agent quarterback and let him battle (and beat) Ramsey for the starting job. I like the Coles/Portis combination, but this season they're less than stellar. Again I have no idea why Portis is cooling his heels and Coles is dropping passes like they're hot. Perhaps a new signal-caller, under a revised Gibbs offensive plan, is the ticket.

Word is that San Diego's Drew "Summertime" Brees will be a free agent following this season. Take a look at his numbers. He went from being trade bait out on the West Coast to emerging as an outta sight (do people still say that?) league-leading passer. Sure, it helps to have a balanced attack--Tomlinson puts up 1600 yards like it's nothing and tight end Antonio Gates is the next Tony Gonzalez--but Brees' rising is good news for teams who want an accurate, potential star. I like his stock over any forthcoming college phenom. Pittsburgh's Ben Roethlisberger is fantastic, but an anomaly in the NFL.

I feel particularly bad for Gregg Williams and the Redskins defense. They've tried, oh, they've tried, to win games for this team. If there is a weakness that keeps them from being truly dominant, it is that they don't score touchdowns on turnovers. But they consistenly slow or halt offenses with blitzes and tight coverage, only to have to return to the field four plays later because Portis got stuffed for one yard, Coles dropped a crossing route pass, and the quarterback threw incomplete to avoid a sack. That's been the life for our defense, so it doesn't surprise me that the Eagles were able to eventually put up more than 20 points, or that Cincinnati beat us at home. Don't go changin', defense, not a thing.

In other NFL news, the Ravens have managed to stay in the hunt for an AFC wild card spot even with a loss to the clearly superior New England Patriots. Tough game to sit through, even while hoping Chester Taylor would produce for my fantasy team, because of the poor field conditions and abysmal quarterback play from Kyle "Fruit on the Bottom" Boller. I was prepared to write that Boller had finally come into his own after sharp play versus the Jets and Vikings. After Sunday, my jury's still out. Baltimore needs him, desperately, to make critical throws on 3rd downs and inside the red zone. As Sully on Dr. Quinn used to say "It. Ain't. Happenin'." And yes, I did quote Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

The Ravens do have their work cut out for them, as they will likely need a better record than the Jets, Broncos, or Jaguars to slip into the postseason. Their final games are a mish-mash of quality: Cincinnati, the Giants, the Colts, the Steelers, then a cool down with the sinking ship called the Miami Dolphins. The truth is that a 10-6 record might get you a wild card in the AFC. In the NFC, that would crown you king.

SCORECARD

OFFENSE: D-

DEFENSE: B-

Sp. TEAMS: C (Don't think I didn't notice you letting Antwaan Randle El run wild on you.)

COACHES: D- (I'd like to hear how Gibbs explains going pro-pass against the 3rd-ranked passing defense.)

FANTASY FOOTBALL NOTES

After taking a two losses in the same weeks, the Young Avengers have secured a much-needed win over Team Palmer. The funny thing is that virtually all of my points have come from the Steelers' defense, Mike Vick, and Brandon "Smooth Strokin'" Stokely. Marshall Faulk still has to go tonight, but he isn't necessary. Oh, how I wish I had kept Jason Witten and Willis McGahee on my team. My Avengers are facing stiff competition by Roy's Boys, who have pulled a where'd-THAT-come-from (henceforth to be called the "Rudy Huxtable") to be just over one game back. I am sufficiently worried, especially now that Terrell Owens didn't score against the marginal New York Giants. Now that I mention them...

NEXT UP

Sábado Gigante comes to town--on my birthday, no less--hoping to salvage the season. Believe it or not, at 5-6, they're second in the NFC East and right in the hunt for wild card spot. Time for the Skins to play spoiler. In the name of all that is holy, can we please run the ball? Los Gigantes are now led by rookie Eli "Pan and Scan" Manning. At this stage of his career, he takes too long in the pocket. I say blitz the kid, see what if he can repeat his 6 for 21 performance. In fact, I'm gonna predict that the Washington defense finally scores on a turnover. That should double our total points. Skins win, 14-10.

Two Minutes to Rebut Myself

I want to believe that Washington can beat Philadelphia this weekend.

I really do.

In my heart of hearts, I wish that Pharaoh Ramsey would find his accuracy, dicing up the 20th-ranked Eagles defense for 225 yards and one touchdown.

I like to think that Clinton Portis can rush for 125 yards and two touchdowns, grinding out the clock and keeping the Eagles offense on the sidelines.

And it pleases me to imagine Fred Smoot shutting down Terrell Owens, limiting him to four catches for 43 yards.

Folks, it just ain't gonna happen. I know I picked the Skins to win in Monday's review, 24-21. But I'm led, after viewing most of Monday Night Football, to break Redskins Review tradition and revise my choice, picking the opposition to win.

The Eagles are just that good. If they don't represent the National Football Conference in the Super Bowl, it will be a travesty. No team in the NFC brings as good a performance, when on their "A" game, than Philadelphia. Monday was evidence of that. Dallas, to my great pleasure, was cleaned, filleted, and fried before a national audience to the tune of 49 points.

This is going to sound like treason, but if they weren't in the NFC East, I might even root for 'em. Not because of all the hype they generate, with their Chunky Soup pitchman and speed-skating wide receiver. No, it's because this team plays sound, fundamental, hope-crushing football. They know how to dominate offensively--even without a solid running game--and make just enough plays on defense to demoralize you. (Did you see Philly linebacker Mark Simoneau's heads up stripping of Eddie George and cornerback Lito Sheppard's Ed Reed impression?).

But the Eagles are in the East, thus I cannot root for them. It's just a fact. You'd never hear a Ravens fan pulling for Pittsburgh. It's like Suge Knight hoping Dr. Dre wins the Vibe Legend Award. And you know how that turned out.

Thus, it's time to dream up some strategy for Coach Gibbs.

Washington will be led by Patrick Ramsey this Sunday. Talk about being thrown in the deep end of the pool. He will need to complete short, 5- or 6-yarders and hope for a breakout game from Chris Cooley (Chris Cooley!), a la Dallas tight end Jason Witten. I dunno how Witten got loose for over 130 yards, but he was frequently available for Vinny Testaverde to check down to. Heck, sometimes he was the main receiver and still got the ball. I doubt Eagles coach Andy Reed will allow the same availability to the Redskins's short game, but it's worth a shot.

That said, Washington must run the ball. We simply cannot allow McNabb on the field. Further, we better not give Portis the ball less than 20 times (he had 17 on Sunday against the Bengals); he can pound away on the interior line for 40 total yards for all I care. But we must open passing lanes for a potentially shaky Ramsey. Only way to do it is to force Philly to play their corners close to the line of scrimmage. Then hope that Gardner and Coles actually catch the passes that hit them in the numbers.

To help the offense mount a season-high 20 points, field position will be critical. The special teams have to produce some favorable returns on kickoffs and punt returns. Following Eagles' scores, Dallas made things interesting by returning the kickoffs well. Without Deadweight Morton--I mean, Chad Morton--fielding kicks, Washington's big play potential is greatly diminished. Somebody, somewhere, has got to shock the Eagles, put them back on their heels. This team could do it.

Hardly anyone has an answer for T.O.; I don't wanna hear anything from Ravens fans who believe that they shut him down. You limited him, perhaps contained him. But when he scores the decisive touchdown (and openly mocks your star player), you forfeit the right to boast of success. This kid is bad. In Madden 2006, he'll probably be rated a 98 across the board. Owens can go short and break two tackles on his way to the open field, as he did against Dallas, or he can burn you deep as he did, um, against Dallas.

To the Cowchips' credit, they appeared to have schemed some double-teams on Owens. The corner would occasionally run with Owens and the safety would backpedal until the ball was released Owens' direction. Other times the corner played zone, and hoped for the safety to slide over in time. Owens' second touchdown was against this defense, and Terrell was wide open in the end zone.

If I'm Washington (and I like to think I am), I make sure that we keep track of Owens' position, whether slot, left or right. Somebody, whether Fred Smoot, Shawn Springs, Antonio Pierce, or heck, Jack Pardee, needs to put a body on him within the allowable distance. Bump him, check him, trip him. If you let him run willy-nilly in his route, you're just asking for trouble. Even in the double team you could get out jumped for six, as he did, um, against Dallas. I'd rather get beaten by Freddie Mitchell, thank you very much.

So what about Ol' McNabb? What's the deal with every middle-aged heavy-set black actress starring as his mother in these Campbell's soup commercials? Soon as I get comfortable with one cooking for him at home, I see a different one knitting scarves and getting dunked in Gatrorade. This is unsettling. My solution: make Salma Hayek his mother in every commercial and let's get on with life.

Donovan played his very best football last night (15 for 27, 345 yards, 4 touchdowns, no interceptions, sacked once), and showed that he's got the arm and the legs to frustrate defensive linemen and confuse linebackers. I'm scared of what he might do with LaVar Arrington still watching from the cheap seats. I suspect that Philly won't be running the ball much, so send the defensive ends to the edge, restricting (in theory, at least) McNabb's ability to scramble for positive yards. Likewise, when he runs around, the defensive backs must maintain their assignments. Sean Taylor, you've looked great this season; here's your first major test on fundamentals. A final word to our secondary: one of you is going to get burned in this game. Don't let it be you.

Coach Gibbs calls the upcoming four games (at Philly, at Pittsburgh, home versus the Giants, Philly at home) a "measuring stick." I prefer to call it a "baptism by blitz" for Patrick Ramsey. We'll have to see.

Despite the evidence, I can't root for nobody but the Skins. Redskins win, 21-20 1/2.

Week 10: ...but on the bright side...

Washington 10, Cincinnati 17

I sat in Suite 338 of FedEx Field for three quarters of Sunday's game, mentally preparing to write a nightmare Review in light of the horrific, strangely familiar gameplay by Washington. To that point, my dread was warranted: Redskins fans begged, nay, demanded nine minutes into the game that Patrick "Pharaoh" Ramsey replace Mark "Retirement" Brunell at quarterback; when their wish was granted, the slow-motion train wreck continued, this time with a different engineer. The Redskins' top-ranked defense allowed 17 first half points and Bengals coach Marvin Lewis seemed content to simply run out the final 18 minutes or so. Things were grim.

Suddenly, the offense seemed rejuvenated. In those final minutes of the third period, Washington went no-huddle, and Ramsey helped author two first downs on one drive--we'd only gotten two total up to that point--that brought Washington to the Cincinnati 29. Unfortunately, soon-to-be-kicking-for-the-Rhine-Fire Ola Kimrin shanked a 47 yard field goal. But something positive seemed to be working for the Skins. In fact, with the defense appearing to pitch a second-half shut out, Washington might make the score respectable.

After allowing just one first down (via penalty), the Redskin defense got young Pharaoh the ball back at the Washington 20, and for the final ten minutes of this game, the fans got exactly what they had been screaming for since the Green Bay game: hope. Mixing in a few runs by Clinton Portis, Ramsey took to the air, finding Coles and Clinton and pushing the ball into the Bengals red zone. Were it not for (yet another) drop by Coles in the end zone, this would have been the best drive of the Skins' game. Kimrin tapped in the easy field goal to make the score 17-3. Those fans who hadn't left in the early third period sensed that Gibbs had finally made the right choice.

The Washington D produced a quick three 'n out, and when Ramsey got the ball back, the offense mixed in no-huddle and went to the air, and Ramsey snuck a 9 yard touchdown to tight end Chris Cooley (Chris Cooley!). The 15,000 of us left in the the stadium went just short of bonkers. Sure, the Skins would need an improbable onside kick recovery, followed by a touchdown, produced without any remaining time outs, to send the game into overtime. But I don't believe I was alone in feeling that the late-game excitement was more for Washington's brighter future with this kid Patrick Ramsey under center.

So yeah, we lost to the Bengals, and probably began "Taps" for our playoff hopes. (Sure would've been nice to squeak this game and the Packers games out, considering how the Sabado Gigante is faltering.) And yep, our defense finally looked vulnerable. And yes, Ramsey was visibly rusty in the first half. I'll also agree that Ramsey was close to making two other interceptions during his play. But seeing a Redskin quarterback post more than 200 yards in one game has been a luxury we haven't enjoyed much this year. And hearing Chris Cooley and other receivers in post-game interviews describe how hard the passes hit their hands sounded like sweet music.

I can't help but wonder how this season might've turned out if Ramsey had been given the opportunity to take every snap this season, facing the weaker part of our schedule. We'd certainly have more than 1400 yards (157 yards per game). And we might've actually given our defense a rest, instead of relying on them to hold an offense to less than 14 points for us to win.

The reality is that Coach Gibbs has finally admitted that the Brunell experiment is an utter failure, and that the future of this franchise is in the hands of Sir Ramsey. At the risk of redundancy, let me say that I stand and applaud the decision.

Oh yeah, if anyone should Hang Your Head, it should be Coles and Gardner, our so-called receiving corps. I was unable to track down the drop statistics for these guys, but I was certain that, combined, they let five catchable passes fall. Some were for third down completions, but others failed to serve an even more important goal: confidence for their new quarterback. Hang your head, fellas, but know that you'll be needed more in the final six games than in the first ten.

WHAT WORKED
Aside from some second-half heroics, it's tough to say much worked well for Washington. Defensively, Fred Smoot and the secondary were beaten like a rented mule for much of the first half, missing open-field tackles of Bengals receiver Chad "Lookitme!" Johnson and allowing Chad "Triple-word score" Houshmandzadeh to earn seven catches on the day. If there be a bright spot, it's that the defense decided that they would not allow any more points by Cincinnati in the second half. For my dollar, if a defense can do that for thirty minutes, they've done their job. It's up to the offense, then, to put up the points.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK
I can only shake my head at the idea that Clinton Portis gets the ball 17 times against the worst rushing defense in the league. I fail to see how you don't attack a weakness, even if it's ineffective 30 minutes in. The Skins didn't wait that long, passing the majority of the first quarter plays. Clinton still ended up with over 80 yards on the day; he should've had 130. And let's not forget how abysmally poor Mark Brunell's numbers were before being benched: 8 attempts, 1 completion, 6 yards, one interception. I think it's safe to make some vacation plans with the family for next Fall, Mark.

SCORECARD

OFFENSE: C-

DEFENSE: C+

Sp. TEAMS: C (Was that Thrash/Betts reverse supposed to fool someone?)

COACHES: C-

FANTASY FOOTBALL REPORT
The Young Avengers appear to be in perpetual freefall. Last week we managed a meek 78 points, losing to Teddy Tax's subpar 85 point total. Throughout the Skins game I kept an eye on other NFL action, and was pleased to see my Steelers defense total four turnovers and four sacks while my wideout Brandon Stokely hooked up more than 120 yards and two touchdowns. Even ol' Marshall Faulk got over 100 yards rushing. Surely I would win. Not so. I forgot that my opponent, the Daemons, had the Peyton Manning and the improbably successful Bears defense starting. Those two positions produced an astounding 93 points alone. The Daemons finished the day with 164 points, and with Terrell Owens still to play, I'm sitting at 122. With my brother Roy's team chalking up another win, he will likely sit one game behind me in our division. Cruel, cruel fate.

NEXT UP
The Philly Egos welcome the Skins to Lincoln Field. I intend on spending all week dreaming of ways that Washington will win this game against a likely 9-1 team. Any suggestions would be welcome. Nonetheless, I'm picking that with a balanced attack, Portis gets 100 and Ramsey passes for two touchdowns. Skins win, 24-21.

Week 9: Simple Math

Washington 17, Detroit 10

I've never claimed to be a mathematician, and the numbers I study have little to do with standard deviation, critical value and confounding factors; I instead rely on yards per completion, third down conversions, and touchdown to interception ratios. I try not to get too deep into the numbers--I leave that to the folks at Football Outsiders--because football is a game where hunches, trends and gambles can pay off great dividends. Patriots coach Bill Belichick stuck with Tom Brady under center though his starter, Drew Bledsoe, was back from injury. Rookie Ben Roethlisberger has gotten the nod for the Steelers' remaining games by coach Bill Cowher despite having the proven Tommy Maddox available and ready to play. Everyone knows now that Brady and Big Ben have rewarded these coaches with awesome displays of poise, confidence, and success.

Such choices don't always work. Case in point: Coach Joe Gibbs and Mark Brunell. Anyone from casual fan to gridiron bean-counter can see that Coach Gibbs' love affair with quarterback Mark Brunell is illogical, undeserved, and unproductive.

I have said, for a number of weeks now, that Brunell is rapidly becoming dead weight on the franchise by his continual poor accuracy, suspect time management, and bereft leadership. And I'd like to say it again, but this time, I'll let the numbers do the talkin'. Here are St. Mark's game statistics (readers with delicate sensitivities may want to skip ahead):

vs. Buccaneers: 13 completions, 24 attempts, 125 yards (Skins win)

vs. Giants: 10 completions, 18 attempts, 92 yards (through 2 1/2 quarters)

vs. Cowboys: 25 completions, 43 attempts, 325 yards, 2 touchdowns

vs. Browns: 17 completions, 32 attempts, 192 yards

vs. Ravens: 13 completions, 29 attempts, 83 yards, 1 touchdown, 1 interception

vs. Bears: 8 completions, 22 attempts, 95 yards, 1 touchdown, 1 interception (Skins win)

vs. Packers: 25 completions, 44 attempts, 218 yards, 2 touchdowns, 2 interceptions

vs. Lions: 6 completions, 17 attempts, 58 yards (Skins win)

Third down efficiency: 28 attempts, 76 completions, 2 touchdowns, three interceptions, seven sacks.

QB Rating: 67.4 Total yards: 1188. Only Kyle "Bullseye" Boller 65.9/1101) and Jay Fielder (67.0/1185) have worse numbers.

Ugh.

On Sunday, Marky Mark and the Offense faced the bottom-half ranked Detroit Lions defense. I respect that His Joeness may gameplan a particular attack philosophy to exploit specific weaknesses. Fine. But two pass attempts (one completed) in the second half?!? When did Brunell turn into Adam Vinatieri? Granted, the Redskins were up by 10 and our defense was sparkling. But was this performance a demonstration of how little faith Gibbs has in his hand-picked, personal choice for quarterback?

Despite the win, I'm telling Mark Brunell to Hang Your Head. Yes, Coles and Rod "Negative Fantasy Points" Gardner dropped some catchable balls. But 58 total yards against a suspect defense is deplorable. Redskin fans can only imagine if Brunell was simply average in our five losses. I think we could've taken the Browns, Cowchips and Packers. Maybe even the Ravens. I joke not. That takes us to a very healthy 6-2 or dreamy 7-1. Emphasis on dreamy.

Strangely enough, with the combined win for Washington and losses by everyone else in the NFC East, the Skins have a moderate chance of making something of our season. A look at the NFL standings today shows that the Haves sit comfortably at 6 or more wins; fifteen teams are either 3-5, 4-4, and 5-3. So what does Washington have to do? Those two division losses really, really hurt. So Washington's gotta run the friggin' table between now and January.

You can stop laughing now.

WHAT WORKED

One rarely sees, in box scores or highlights, excellent Special Teams play unless it's some kickoff/punt return. But Sunday even NFL Primetime found the Redskins' punt coverage worthy of notice. From punter Tom "Borderline" Tupa's precision work to James Thrash's heads-up goal line stops, to the verrry rare punt block by Taylor "Tell It To My Heart" Jacobs and touchdown by Walt "On By" Harris, this squad won the game for Washington. What else can you ask of a team?

Also, lots of love to "Mr. President" Clinton Portis. Yes, it's true: when Portis runs for more than 100 yards, the Skins win. Portis put down more than 140 yards and did something Brunell couldn't: throw a touchdown.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK

Mark Brunell. 'Nuff said. And yep, I have a big bottle of Haterade on tap at home.

SCORECARD

OFFENSE: C+ (I feel bad for penalizing Portis despite his excellent performance. He earned an A.)

DEFENSE: A (One field goal and one garbage time, desparate touchdown allowed? I'll take it. Hopefully Arrington will come back in time for the rest of the gauntlet that is our final weeks.)

Sp. TEAMS: A+ (Free drinks on me!)

FANTASY FOOTBALL REPORT

Due to bye weeks for Atlanta and Jacksonville, I was forced to scrounge through the free agent castoffs for a team's quarterback. I went with the Giants, believing in Kutmasta Kurt Warner and the Giants offense's resurrection. I was mistaken. Warner threw two interceptions and fumbled twice. I earned five points. I did wisely go with my perennial defensive choice, Pittsburgh, who did not disappoint (3 points allowed, 4 sacks, 1 interception, 113 yards allowed). Accordingly, Owens was shut down. So tonight I wait for Brandon Stokely, Marcus Robinson, Mike Vanderjiggy and Mewelde Moore to give me 21 total points for the win over the Teddy Tax team.

NEXT UP

One of my favorite coaches, Marvin Lewis, steps back into Landover with his Cincinnati Bengals. I'll be in the stands for this one. I'll analyze this later this week (promise!), but for now I like a Skins win, 16-10.

Week 8: Always Good on Paper

Washington 14, Green Bay 28

Maalox, anyone?

For the second time this season the temptation was to begin this Review with a bold, brazen accusation; one of those Clinton-esque "right-wing conspiracy" numbers directed with deadpan seriousness to the unnamed, well-funded, ne'er do wells who seek nothing more than the public humiliation of their target. Yes, I was gonna call out those Powers That Be, whose silent hand has sought to gently nudge the Washington Redskins into perennial mediocrity, despite hiring, drafting, and trading for very expensive personnel. By their evil doings players dedicate only 80% effort to the game, key injuries occur, coaches forget fundamental time management and crucially negative officiating calls beset important games.

But the reality is--stop me if you've heard this before--the Redskins ain't that good. It isn't the League's fault; can't blame the refs, the eclipse, the illegal motion rule or my sister Jennifer's past boyfriends. Well, maybe we could blame that guy who thought he was a rapper. (Must...resist...urge...to...link...to...website...) The point is that Gibbs and this franchise have had the opportunity to win every game this season. Some, such as the Giants and Cowboys contests, should have been blowout wins. Through our consistent, self-inflicted wounds this team sits at an abysmal 2-5. Worse than at this point last year. I shudder at the Nielsen ratings for the December 18 matchup against San Francisco.

It occurred to me that the Redskins of the mid-90s to present represent every socialist's argument of why capitalism doesn't work. Under the theory of spend, spend, spend, in the last decade, this Washington team has one playoff appearance. You know the names that have been brought in: Marty Schottenheimer, Deion Sanders, Carrier, Bruce Smith, Steve Spurrier, Jeff George, etc. Teams like the Rams, Seahawks and Patriots have maintained lower profiles, in some cases taking castoff, low-wattage players and built solid foundations. Even in the age of free agency and hot players jumping teams these squads went from horrid to contenders. Monday Night Football reminded me how the New York Jets have somehow managed to survive losing Coles, Morton and Hall to Washington and still had a better record than us at season's end. (6-10 to our 5-11.) The next season, they're 6-1. I'm not suggesting that only the Redskins are covetously seeking Super Bowl trophies; our sin is that we're the team that has gone about getting them the wrong way.

I watched this game from the leather-bound-seat section of FedEx Field. And for three quarters this game was nearly a chore to watch. (Equally challenging was enduring the guttural, off-key attempts at harmonizing by my 112-year old neighbor. Hey, I like our society's elder generation. I do. But hearing him (or anyone) butcher every stadium song, from Beyonce to the Rolling Stones when you know he doesn't know the song only makes watching a losing game worse. Sigh. By the way, he had a message to the cheerleaders following their TV timeout dance presentation: "Y'all did a fantasic job. Now get off the field." Gotta like old folk.)

Speaking of departures, it is time to put Mark Brunell out to pasture. I suggested in Week 6 some parameters for benching Brunell...and sure enough he met 'em all. There was no first quarter touchdown, three passes clearly went over open receiver's heads, and on the Skins' fourth possession he threw an interception. Down 17-7 at halftime, the Redskins didn't have a drive of more than 31 yards. The fans were chanting for Ramsey and the offense was sputtering (our only score came after Shawn Springs' interception which placed the ball at the Green Bay 24). No better time to make the switch.

So Hang Your Head, Coach Gibbs. I feel bad even suggesting that this walking legend hold this week's award, but f'crying out loud, let your quarterback go. We needed this game to keep our slim playoff hopes mathematically viable and we mustered 14 total points. I don't believe our game plan was necessarily that flawed; nice to see a little trickery in the first quarter (though the onside kick to begin the second half was questionable in light of Gibbs stating pre-game that he didn't want to give Favre a short field to work from). But from my seats I thought Brunell wasn't nearly as sharp as he should've been, and with his previous slow starts I hoped Gibbs would cut losses at halftime and hope for a fresher, younger arm. Sam Huff, post-game, said it best: "this game was lost in the first half, not on that play in the second."

Maybe that's indicative of what's wrong with this team. I'm certain that in February, Joe Gibbs thought Mark Brunell looked like he had leadership and skill potential for his team. The dose of familiar, sadly repetitive reality begs me to paraphrase Jessica Rabbit: The Redskins aren't good. We're just drawn that way.

WHAT WORKED
The defense bent, uncharacteristically allowing future Hall of Famer Brett Favre to execute his offense. But credit goes to defensive coach Gregg Williams for shutting down their offense when it mattered most, the fourth quarter. I was shocked how inaccurate Favre was down the stretch as they poorly attempted to run out the final give minutes. I suppose that speaks to his injured hand. Whatever. Fred Smoooot and Shawn Springs did an excellent job of making breaks on Brett's passes. I only wish Springs hadn't run out of bounds on his interception return. At the stadium, you could hear the groans when we realized that Brunell and the offense would have to take the field.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK
Now more than ever I believe Clinton Portis is the key to any Redskins win. He got the ball 17 times. That's not establishing the run, it's begging the defensive backs to play soft zones and wait for the ball to come their way. This is just silly. Why do you put the game on the shoulders of a quarterback who came into this game with 3 interceptions and 5 touchdowns? Did he suddenly become Joe Theismann during practice last week? Sheesh.

SCORECARD
OFFENSE: D+
DEFENSE: B -
Sp. TEAMS: C (With Chad Morton now out for the year, we must rely on Ladell Betts and James Thrash to run back kicks. Egad.)
COACHES: D (Sorry Gregg Williams. You're on the staff and are guilty by association.)

FANTASY FOOTBALL NOTES
Oy vey did we lay a stinker this week. I opted not to start Mike Vick, who got loose for 890,000 yards and three touchdowns, for Byron Leftwich, who apparently remained in the fetal position all afternoon. Except when he stood up and threw an interception. I mentioned last week that the Texans were one to watch, and they put it on the very good Jaguars defense, to my chagrin. Terrell "Dancin' Machine" Owens was my only standout, scoring a third of my 60 total points. I should've started the Pittsburgh defense against the Patriots, but who knew? Note to self: next time, don't listen to your notes to self.

NEXT UP
Detroit hosts the Skins. The Lions remind me of the Texans a bit; they're unpredictably dangerous. They win on the road, lose at home. We've lost LaVar Arrington for another month, but I like what our defense can do. This squad will have to win the game, as I have no confidence that our offense can score more than 17 points. More discussion of this game later this week. For now, I'll say Skins win, 14-13.

¡Los Gigantes y Vikings combátalo fuera el domingo!

This is what happens when you take your NFL blog notes while sitting in court. With all that legalese (and hot air) flying about, I forgot to preview one of the bigger games this weekend 'twixt the New York Giants (4-2) and Minnesota Vikings (5-1).

I think this game's a gut check for the very surprising Giants. Until being snuffed out Sunday by the other Big Surprise, Detroit, Sábado Gigante was on a 3-game tear (including two wins in the NFC East). Kurt Warner and Tiki Barber, previously Fantasy Football lepers, were suddenly deliciously potent. For me, Tiki is the main reason the Giants have done so well this season. Look at Tiki's numbers this season, compared to last year: In six games, he has twice as many touchdowns (4), one more rush of 20+ yards, and already half the yards. Tiki's no Marshall-Marshall-Marshall, granted, but he has more receptions of 40+ yards than teammate Amani Toomer, Rams speedster Torry Holt, and New Orleans wideout Joe Horn. And he's still the 5th ranked runner in the league with 647 yards. He has almost 200 more yards of offensive production than fantasy wonderboy Priest Holmes. Wow.

Let's not forget that Kurt Warner's played extremely well this season, committing fewer mistakes. New York coach Tom Coughlin has done an excellent job--some might argue better than Gibbs--at taking a marginally talented group and turning them into winners.

Ah, but they travel to Minnesota, where they'll lose badly to the Vikings. Yep, I'm noting the result early. Randy Moss, my choice for Wide Receiver You Can't Cover, is listed as probable to play. "Probable" means he'll play more than the ridiculous, two-snap, starting-streak-saving nonsense he and the team pulled against Tennessee. But even if Randingo doesn't play much, the Giants need to be very afraid of quarterback Daunte Culpepper, who is battling the Egos' Donovan McNabb for Most Dangerous Quarterback. I remember recently, when the Vikes battled the Saints, and Culpepper lost Moss early to injury. Did he stop throwing? Heck no. IN fact, he still ended up with five touchdowns.

Couple that danger with the Minnesota's ability to run the ball, as displayed last week against the hapless Titans, with Mewelde Moore and the 14 other running backs they have on the roster.

If there's a chink in the near-perfect Vikings, it's um, the defense. They give up more than 350 yards and 21 points per game, and the Giants will need every bit of them to match the Vikings' point total. I don't think they can do it.

Have a safe weekend y'all. Don't eat the apples with knife blades in 'em.

Week 7: Warm up the Orville Redenbacher, grab some Cherry Cokes...

With the Redskins enjoying a bye week last week, the Redskins Review is proud to present a preview of upcoming NFL action. Allow me to introduce to you:

GAMES EVEN YOUR MOMMA WOULD WATCH

At least once a season, there is one schedule of games that feature competitions between high-caliber, playoff-bound teams. These games will strongly define the mid-and late-season favorites. What's more, that same schedule treats viewers to second-tier, x-factor squads who few prognosticators picked to be in the running. These surprise teams are capable of making the kind of noise that warrants attention by the first-tier teams. Then there are games between marginal franchises, desparately hoping to avoid that fifth and playoff-hope-crushing loss.

Folks, Sunday's games will have all this and more. I'll start with what I estimate to be the Must See Game o' the Week and continue the list in descending order of importance.

(Who needs baseball? World Series, shmorld series. Gimme the NFL. Now that I think of Major League Baseball, shouldn't overseas teams be brought in to play in this "world" series? Why aren't Olympians called "world champions" if they actually best competitors from the rest of the planet? Now we know this doesn't apply to American rules football; the Rhine Fire and Cologne Centurions would get decimated by the "world champion" Patriots. I was just wondering. And digressing.)

Speaking of Brady and company, they headline this week's first Game Even Your Momma Would Watch...

New England (6-0) at Pittsburgh (5-1)

If there's one game clearly not to miss, it's this Clash of the AFC Titans. The Steelers step into this game, having had an extra week to watch game film of New England. Sure, the New York Jets had the same luxury and lost, but I feel better about Pitt's chances. The Steelers, on a four game winning streak, look to be one of the few teams balanced and talented enought to knock the Patriots from their ridiculous 21-game winning streak. I like their running game behind Duce "Philly Who?" Staley and Jerome "1st and Goal" Bettis, their receiving corps of Plaxico "Don't Laugh, it's What Mom Named Me" Burress and Hines "57" Ward. Most of all, Big Ben Roethliswigginberger looks to be solid gold. He has the smarts to hit hot reads, the accuracy to go long if necessary, and the strength to break defensive line arm tackles. And then there's the 6th-ranked Pittsburgh defense, one of the least-penalized in the NFL. I think they can produce some three-and-outs by stopping Patriots running back Corey Dillon and pressuring their Handsome Boy quarterback Tom Brady.

That said, I'm picking New England. C'mon, can you ever bet against a team that hasn't lost since Jimmy Carter was in office? Herman Edwards, Jets coach, expressed this week that it was his team's errors that brought the loss against the Patrios. Funny, that was the same thing Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy remarked following his team's defeat in this season's opening game. Pittsburgh will lose because, at some critical juncture you will make a mistake (be it missing a wide-open receiver on your team's last play like Jets QB Chad Pennington or fumbling like Colts RB Edgerrin James at the goal line). Hey, it might be a sack and fumble by Big Ben, it may be as "insignificant" as an easy touchdown pass dropped. This Patriot team doesn't blow opponents out of the water. They don't have to. They just hand you the rope and let you hang yourself.

To further the pressure on the Steelers, they have to win Sunday to stay a step ahead in the AFC North from a lil' team from the City of Crabcakes...

Baltimore (4-2) at Philadelphia (6-0)

For sheer entertainment value, this game can't be topped. On one stage, for one contest, you get all this:

1. Ed Reed, Ray Lewis and the Ravens defense vs. McNabb, Owens, and the Eagles offense
2. Kyle Boller, with no Jamal Lewis, Todd Heap, or left tackle Jonathan Ogden vs. the Javon Kearse and the Eagles defense (minus Brian Westbrook)
3. A really good 4-2 team vs. an undefeated, Super Bowl favorite 6-0 team.

Only this Sunday game provides one of the stingiest, opportunistic defenses challenged by an multifaceted offense; then on alternate series you can watch a completely anemic quarterback attempt to complete passes against a defense earning 23 sacks this season.

And then there's Ray Lewis vs. Terrell Owens. Sure, the odds of T.O. going across the middle, into Ray's Gonna Hit You territory are slim, but the mere idea of it happening is enough to keep even your momma glued to the screen. Surely somebody's going to get barkin' and shovin', and that's when this could turn into Jimmy Snuka vs. Tony Atlas. (Yes, I'm dating myself with that reference.) If I'm Terrell Owens, I take a moment to watch Laveranues Coles get pasted by Sir Ray on Monday Night Football on a crossing route and imagine how long Coles felt that hit.. With Owens' recent anti-Ravens comments, on top of his public disdain with playing in Baltimore, I suspect Owens should be on the lookout for his personal safety.

The strange thing about Terrell Owens is that hardly anyone outside of teammates like him, and coaches gameplan defenses agaisnt him, yet for this season, no one can stop him from getting open. And with "Chunky Soup" Mc Nabb more accurate than ever, the balls are getting to T.O. when and how they should. The results are dramatic. Sports Illustrated just dedicated a whole article to how dangerous this offense has become in one season. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/football/nfl/10/26/bc.fbn.eagles.bigplays.ap/index.html

For the Ravens, I really don't know how they win this game without offensive points. Chester Taylor at running back isn't bad, but in Buffalo he didn't remind anyone of Jailbait Lewis. Less than 100 yards through the air won't cut it against the high-scoring Eagles offense. I'd be happy to entertain any theories on what Boller and the boys can effectively do to win this game.

Another aside: Am I reading the NFL news straight? Facing a tough schedule with a marginal-at-best quarterback and without their Pro Bowl running back, the Ravens don't make any waiver pickups at wide receiver? But they bring back who-dat wideout Patrick Johnson? What, Antonio Bryant, Quincy Morgan and Jerry Rice weren't good enough for Baltimore?

The Eagles are the better balanced team (even without injured Brian Westbrook), and woe to the Ravens if their defense doesn't score two touchdowns. The Egos continue undefeated.

Atlanta (5-2) at Denver (5-2)

Talk about two teams looking to right a once-steady ship. The Falcons are coming of a shellacking by Kansas City 56-10, where their league-leading rush defense gave up a record eight touchdowns on the ground. Fantasy Fraud Michael Vick was a pitiful 7 of 21 for a Boller-like 119 yards. Egad.

Denver, on the other hand, fell at home on Monday Night Football to previously one-win Cincinnati, allowing big talkin' wideout Chad Johnson to torch Champ Bailey and the highly ranked Denver defense for 149 yards. Sure, Denver's running game still shines (Reuben Droughns ran for 110), but the offense failed on 9 of 15 3rd down conversions. (And as Madden keeps reminding me on my PlayStation, "3rd downs are a keeper stat!") Jake Plummer didn't perform well either, tossing two interceptions and getting sacked three times.

But in proper perspective, that was just one game. But this Sunday's game is a Must See because, for Denver, a loss to Atlanta and a win by the 4-3 SanDiego SuperChargers (who face the weak Oakland Raiders) tightens the AFC West. The Falcons own the NFC South--for now--so a loss for Atlanta wouldn't be as damaging. But the Atlanta faithful (as well as most fantasy football owners) are wondering what in the name of Steve Bartkowski is wrong with Vick. He went from Mr. Excitement to Mr. Invisible in just one season. We're still waiting to see the now-healthy Vick light up the league as the advanced billing advertised.

I think the Denver defense had an off night, and won't give a repeate performance. Even with the untimely loss of preseason stud Quentin Griffin, Denver avenges the Monday night embarrassment with a win at home by pressuring Vick, who inexpliably remains cemented to the pocket. Get out and run, man! Get me some fantasy points!

Jacksonville (5-2) at Houston (3-3)

Division games = always fun. Yes, I know Houston is a .500 team and seems to annually pique casual fans' interest with a couple of victories only to slip into midseason mediocrity. Consider my interest nonetheless piqued. This game features the favorite preseason pick Jaguars against the upstart Texans. I like this game because it features the top 10 Houston offense, led by David Carr and Andre Johnson against a Jaguars D that (relatively speaking) contained the Indianapolis Colts. I like that Jacksonville manages weekly last-minute wins with a one-legged quarterback. (Leftwich is working hard to become the next Steve McNair.) And it's Houston who, with a win, could go 2-0 in their division and tie Indy for second place in the AFC South. They'd end up a mere one game behind Jacksonville.

The deeper team wins here, and that's the Jaguars. They'll win this one, and begin pulling away with their division lead. Let me add that I like the Texans as a young, hungry team, though I rarely get to see them play. Or it could be a natural reflex from hating that other Texas team.

NFL Season Pass viewers may want to tune in to the Green Bay (3-4) at Washington (2-4), Detroit (4-2) at Dallas (2-4) and Cincinnati (2-4) at Tennessee (2-5) games to see one of these four-loss squads scramble to salvage their season. Cincinnati is in the worst position, having four losses--three of them in their division; Washington isn't much better with 2 losses to Sábado Gigante and the Cowchips. Green Bay has their work cut out for them, with the surprising Detroit Lions in better position for an NFC wild card birth in the NFC North. There's no guarantee that a fifth loss ends the season, but it would take a surprise (bigger than a Ashlee Simpson/Milli Vanilli Karaoke CD) to not fall into the category of NFL Have-Nots. The winners here are Washington, Detoit, and Tennessee. That's right, I said Tennessee.

Rounding out the weekend is the equivalent of Twinkie filler, courtesy games between Arizona (2-4) at Buffalo (1-5), San Francisco (1-5) at Chicago (1-5), the once-mighty Carolina (1-5) at Seattle (3-3), and Oakland (2-5) at San Diego (4-3). Monday Night Football will get some low ratings since it features Miami (1-6) at New York Jets (5-1). Emitt "Ponce DeLeon" Smith and the Cardinals win, while paper champion Seattle pulls out a victory . I also like San Diego and the Jets to win easily.

I won't be able to see most of the above action, as I'll be in attendance at FedEx Field for the Skins/Packers game. If you see anyone on TV with a huge afro and futuristic sunglasses, that's me. I look forward to a good episodes next week of NFL Primetime and Inside the NFL.

What's my pick for the Redskins game? Word on the street is that LaVar Arrington will play, despite reinjuring himself during the bye week. That should make the Skins defense--now ranked #1--all the better against an explosive Packers offense. Did y'all see them humiliate Parcells' boys Sunday? Took their manhood. I had Dallas fans writing me for comfort. Now that's a loss.

Washington wins, 24-21. I know I'm dreaming that the Skins' offense can score 24 points, but the Packers defense has given up the most points in the league, 172, next to the Saints and Raiders (191 and 181 respectively). Surely, surely Portis can run for 100 and Coles can get two touchdowns. And remember what I mentioned last week: if Brunell screws up, put in Patrick Ramsey.

Peter King: Gibbs isn't going to win another Super Bowl

See, this is the kind of talk that should rile up Redskin fans. Sports Illustrated columnist Peter King, in his Monday Morning Quarterback: Tuesday Edition, found here (boy I need to brush up on my html): http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/writers/peter_king/10/19/mmqb.te/index.html gives some observations on why Joe Gibbs will not coach Washington to another Super Bowl.

The first thing astute readers should note is that King's observations are based upon watching the Redskins one time. That's right--he's seen the Skins play just once, last Sunday against the Chicago Bears. I don't doubt Peter "Double Latte" King knows football. But by his own admission he didn't attend their training camp and missed seeing them in September. (Too busy talking with Patriot's coach Belichek and Packers QB Brett Favre, I assume.) Had he actually seen more than NFL Films highlights, he would know that we are two blown pass interference plays from .500. Hardly reason to be a harbinger of doom.

Second, King suggests that Washington needs good draft picks to stay afloat in today's NFL, and he won't get them. Yet he begins the article praising the Skins' first draft choice, Sean Taylor, as a future big star. Um, wasn't Gibbs the coach back in Spring when Taylor was chosen? Further, the #2 ranked Washington defense (who get more praise in the column) is currently buoyed by low draft picks while Arrington, Bowen, and other second/third tier players are out. The message? It ain't what you get so much as what you do with what you've got. Did somebody say "Patriots?" Or "Texans?" And because the Skins haven't drafted well in the past seasons they won't draft well in the future? That's what people used to say about the Bengals. Things change.

Now that I think about it, I probably should've said all that in my letter to his mailbag. Ah well. I did post a link to this blog. Maybe he can sit down with a mocha hazlenut single-pump action splitfire cinnamon beverage and read it for himself. Somebody's gotta protect the Skins' image. Might as well be me.

Here's what I wrote in to the mailbag:

Peter, love your column! I strongly disagree with your assessment of Coach Gibbs. Washington CAN win a Super Bowl with Gibbs; it may not be this season, but success will come because Gibbs knows the strengths of fundamental football: tackling, ball control, few mistakes. It was the hallmark of those Super Bowl teams I've watched since my youth. Granted, there have been some time-clock issues, but even with a subpar quarterback and suspect early running, the Redskins have been in every game this season. Imagine when things begin to gel as the season progresses!

Today's NFL players, with their high-priced, short-term value, will never alter what makes good football. Gibbs may stay with Brunell longer than he should, but with this solid defense and (finally) a strong running game, we can win (et tu, Ravens?). You noted that the Skins have been within 7 of every loss; even at 2-4, we're a much better squad than under Spurrier. The future is definitely brighter than you imply!

As an aside, check out my thoughts on weekly Redskins action at my blog: http://RedskinsReview.blogspot.com. Thanks!

Week 6: The BenchMark Standard

Washington 13, Chicago 10

I anticipated this game between two one-win franchises to be a less than thrilling affair. In fact, I opted to take my wife to Jo-Ann's Fabrics in Greenbelt while she and my cousin Adriane looked for stuff (I believe they called it "fabric") instead of watch every play. I apparently wasn't alone in this pregame assessment: Beltway Plaza was filled with burgundy and gold-wearing shoppers.

I managed to catch up on the action by slipping into Three Brother's Pizza, which had some of the Washington faithful slurping oysters and Coronas on barstools while cursing at the bar TVs. Funny thing was that many stores had the Redskins game on; sometimes it was just audio or, like Bootleg Hat Shop, flickering on 8" black and white TVs. Ah, feels like home.

Knowing that I'd miss some of the contest's play-by-play nuances, I sought to employ an official Redskin Review Game Tracker, who would study the game in my stead to highlight those critical moments that turned the tide for either team. Who did I entrust to bear this heavy load? My 10 year old sister-in-law, Valencia. Don't laugh. She knows the game. Well, she does now that I explained where the score was on the screen, what the CHI and WAS graphics meant, who had the ball, where they were going, why players pat each other's butts, and which one is not Ray Lewis. As I confidently handed the newly-ordained Game Tracker some scrap paper and a fuzzy-tipped Barbie pencil, I was saddened to learn from her that "Um, I don't write on weekends."

I say that all, then, to say that I didn't get to analyze as much on this game as usual. But a few things were clear to me from the partial 1st and 4th quarters I witnessed:

1. Clinton Portis and the offensive line are finally performing up to task.
2. The Redskins defense is a solid, real deal squad who dictate more than react. (That is, unless the other team is from Dallas, has no running back, and whose quarterback is 89 years old. In that case, let 'em score on a halfback option pass. That one still stings. But I'm not, you know, bitter or nuthin' about it.)
3. Mark Brunell may want to invest in a good, comfortable seat cushion before November.

That's right, I now own a ticket on the Sit Mark Down Express. (No local stops.) It isn't the interceptions that turn me sour, though they be plentiful (3 INTs/5 TDs) and painful. It is the gametime ineffectiveness that I abhor. He has completed just over 50% of his passes, passed for more than 200 yards once (against the Cowgirls), and has a current rating (69.8) below Jeff Garcia (79.8), pine-ridin' Brad Johnson (79.5) and 'Frisco kid Tim Rattay (92.5). Aside from the Dallas game, Brunell has 492 yards in four games. In one game, against this same Chicago team, Daunte "Fantasy Dream QB" Culpepper put up 360! On Sunday, Washington needed President Clinton to put up more than 170 rushing yards, considering that against this 20th-ranked pass defense, Brunell lit the skies for a total of 95 yards.

An aside: anyone notice that our Big Three (Brunell/Portis/Coles) have provided touchdowns for the opposition against the Bucs, the Giants, the Ravens and the Bears? In those games, our offense scored 16, 14, 10, and 13 points. I'm no mathecologist, but with Brunell at the helm of the offense, we cannot afford to spot the enemy any points. Minnesota Vikings we are not.

Speaking of other teams, how 'bout that Pittsburgh rookie phenom Ben Rothlesiwhithgerberger? I caught the second half of his dissection of the Cowchip defense. Now THIS is a productive quarterback: 21 of 25 for 193 yards and 2 touchdowns. With the Steelers down 20-10 in the 4th period, facing multiple Dallas blitz packages, he scrambled for first downs, avoided getting sacked, and completed 11 straight passes (including a sweet, desperate option pass to a tight end). Big Ben is for real, and it made me long for the youthful energy of Patrick Ramsey. Yes, I know Ramsey is no Rothleshibeggarberger.

Now I know conventional coaching wisdom says to not bench a QB after they win a game. Coach Gibbs, I bow to your knowledge, but let me suggest that if any of the following occur against the Green Bay "Lemon Pants" Packers, please can convention and resurrect the Pharaoh:

1. Zero offensive points in the first quarter. The Pack are 20th in overall defense, 15th against the pass. C'mon.
2. A clearly quarterback-caused turnover. That's right, I'm giving Brunell just one.
3. Three one-hop or way overthrown passes clearly not caused by unusual defensive pressure.

Now, if Brunell manages to get a pass into the end zone, then cool. Keep him in. (By my rules he would've stayed in against the Bears.) But a second evaluation should be done after the defense adjusts in the second and third periods. Sounds fair, right? I hope not. It's time to return to some balanced offense.

Since I can't give out a Hang Your Head Award this week, let me instead list some Teams That I Fear. These teams possess, in my estimation, the best chances of beating everyone else in the league. Every game against each other is Must See Football. They are, in no particular order: Indinapolis, New England, Minnesota, Seattle, and, um, the Philly Egos. I might even throw in the Jaguars, who posses The Quarterback Who Would Not Die, Byron Leftwich. Bet the Ravens wish they'd taken him when they had the chance, eh?

WHAT WORKED

Portis running the ball = win. It's simple.

I again commend defensive guru Gregg Williams for his hyperaggressive blitzing in the 4th quarter. It is a thing of beauty to see linebackers up the gut one play, then a full-speed corner attack from the blind side on the next play. Hats off to rookie stud Sean Taylor for nabbing his first, and game-clinching, interception. If you don't have the Skins' defense in your fantasy league, shame on you.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK

Brunell and the passing game are just short of embarassing. Somewhere Art Monk, Gary Clark, and the rest of the Fun Bunch are rolling their eyes.

SCORECARD

OFFENSE: C

DEFENSE: A

Sp. TEAMS: B (Believe it or not, I heard an interesting commentary about special teams on the fake Tony Bruno broadcast inside the Madden 2005 game. A "caller" noted how coaches always say their teams need to execute on all three fronts, yet put low draft picks and who-dat men on kickoff coverage. If it's equally important, why don't the best players cover kickoffs and punts? Don't coaches care about field position, or are they just protecting their Randy Mosses and LaDaininan Thomlinsons from injury? Inquiring minds want to know.)

COACHES: C+ (Okay, I'm making this and the Special Teams ones up. Somebody help me.)

FANTASY FOOTBALL NOTES

Sweet mother of mercy. The Young Avengers looked to rebound from last week's subpar performance, and did so with vengeance. With Marshall Faulk still to play, my boys have dropped the hammer on the Predators. Actually, my opponent forgot to make his lineup legal, so I won by forfeit. But oh, what a win. Wisdom said bench Mike Vick and start the Jacksonville QBs, and they produced 37 points as a reward. Waiver Wire Wonder RB Mewelde Moore got loose for 109 rushing, 78 receiving, and my receiver combo of Marcus Robinson, T.O. and David Patten produced 213 yards and three touchdowns. Mmm, that's tasty. The Avengers, current champs of the Festivus Maximus league, are now poised to knock the very evil 4Gen Warriors from first place in our division.

NEXT UP

Bye week. Skins win, 13-10. Just kidding. Hopefully during the time off, Gibbs can re-evaluate his passing attack and perhaps forge ahead into new waters with Sir Ramsey. Fred "Kamikaze" Smoot can take the week and sit in the sauna. Seriously, was it me or did he get hurt every time he made a tackle? Save some for November, man!

One final note: this week's Review is, officially, the first posted via web log. I hope to maintain this blog until either I get a paid gig or Blogger.com starts charging for the service....in which case the Redskins Review will live on in some other free means. Hope any first-time readers enjoy my thoughts and visit often.

Go Skins!

Week 5: It Was the Best of Halves, the Worst of Halves

Washington 10, Baltimore 17

This is when it’s hard to be a Redskins fan. In the days following a heartbreaking, jaw-dropping Sunday choke, Washington faithful have to cope with the annual, awful truth:

The Redskins ain’t that good.

That’s right, I said it. Bad English and all. Oh sure, we didn’t have a monumental collapse versus Baltimore as, say, Green Bay did against Tennessee Monday night. (48 points allowed at Lambeau?!?) And yeah, we don’t lose 10 games every season, as the Arizona Cardinals. And our fans haven’t had to wear paper bags (et tu, Saints?).

For Redskins fans, it is the untapped, unrealized potential that every year leaves us disappointed. This organization continues to headline offseason transactions, free agent acquisitions, and on-paper rankings. The Washington organization, according to Forbes, is the most valuable in the league. Yet, come week five, playoff dreams are hard to come by.
Moreover, we must endure endless taunting from fans of nearly every team…this year even the Raiders and Texans can point and laugh. Cornerback Fred Smoot recently said that in the NFL, “nobody fears us.”

Our perennial problem is imbalance, and nowhere else was this clearer than Sunday night against them Ravens. Washington provided a dominating defensive effort, wussy offensive display. Add in a special teams gaff and voila—big loss on the national stage to a very beatable team.

Hats off to Baltimore, who did exactly what everyone expected them to do and still won. Their formula is well known, simply executed, but devastatingly effective: stifle their offense, run Jamal Lewis. That’s it. Sure enough, the Ravens defense allowed 107 yards of Redskin offense and scored on a forced turnover while Jamal eventually ran for 116.

For 30 minutes there, I (and most people in the state of Maryland) thought this game was essentially over. Baltimore “quarterback” Kyle Boller threw three first half interceptions, Jailbait Lewis managed only19 yards on the ground, and the Skins eked out 10 points. An improbable Washington shutout (when was the last time we saw that in the regular season?) was on its way.

Can you imagine the scene at halftime?

Coach Billick: Son, you’re killing us out there. We will lose if you keep throwing passes.
Kyle Boller: You…you’re…gonna bench me?
Billick: Don’t be stupid. I want you under center. Just hand off to Jamal. I’ll tell you when you’ll try another pass.
Boller: Handoffs for two quarters? Why don’t you just have Kordell Stewart do that?
Billick: (clearly annoyed) Because we trust him even less than you.

And so it was. Boller threw, by my count, three second-half passes. Three. And he still managed a one-hop pass. But who needed an air game when THE REDSKINS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY COLLAPSED UNDER THE WEIGHT OF THEIR MEDIOCRITY INTO A FLAMING BALL OF FAILURE, NOT UNLIKE THE HINDENBURG.

In a close, defensive contest, it can take but one play, one player error, to turn the game. I nominate, for this week’s Hang Your Head Award, to Washington running back Ladell Betts. The name may not be familiar, but everyone with ESPN knows his number: 46. That was on the jersey of the player who watched Ravens safety Ed Reed, at warp factor five, run by on his way to sack Mark Brunell in the third quarter. Everybody misses a block, sure, but this was a monumental mistake.

Brunell had actually called the right play, rolling to his left. Reed came from the right side, and Betts was right there to protect the blind side with a block, chip, or even by putting a hand on Reed. He did none of the above, and Reed stripped Brunell and recovered the fumble. Here’s where you really earn a Hang Your Head Award: Betts was the only player (because he watched the whole catastrophe) with a good opportunity to tackle Reed once he gained his bearings and streaked toward the end zone. If Betts makes this tackle, the Ravens take over, the fresh Redskin defense takes the field, and probably give up a field goal. Betts failed us a second time, and The Worst 3rd Quarter In A Long Time officially began. Sir, hang your head.


Not to toot the ol’ horn, but I told the Skins to watch out for this. Avoid sacks, I said. Find the hot reads, I said. Score twenty points, I said. Against the Chiefs, Jamal Lewis stood on the sidelines and could only watch in the fourth quarter. In our game, he was between the tackles, wearing down our linebackers and secondary. The Skins’ defense was impenetrable in the first half, and I enthusiastically applaud their valiant effort. In my humble opinion, the only difference between them and us defensively was the Ed Reed play. But with no special teams and offense support, the D had to eventually break. Alas.

So here we are again, another week, another offensive display by the offense. Lots of love to Laveranues “Rock Me Tonight” Coles, who got open for three catches for 25 yards. Note to Laveranues: if you’re going over the middle, go ahead and catch the ball. You’re going to get hit anyway. It’ll hurt but y’know, that’s what you’re paid to do. Speaking of paychecks, former president Clinton Portis can now officially give back half of the last four games’ salary. He hasn’t earned it.

Mark “Hambone” Brunell…man, I’m trying to fight for keeping him as starter. I really am. He looked uncomfortable on nearly every pass, and launched the only highlight this season for Deion “Look Ma!” Sanders. Bench him? Do we summon the Pharaoh? Is the high-priced experiment over?

I’m certain that someone’s going to complain about falling for the banana-in-the-tailpipe, fake Deion reverse by B.J. “Wholesale” Sams. Actually, I thought it was a brilliant call, perfectly timed, and produced a game-altering triple play: it scored seven points, the woeful Ravens offense stayed off the field, and the pressure immediately shifted to the inept Redskin offense. Doesn’t get much better than that.

Redskins fans hope against hope that the season can be turned around. After the week 7 bye, we play some beatable teams: Green Bay, Detroit, and Cincinnati. Then things get ugly: Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Los Gigántes de Nuevo York, then Philadelphia. After a gimme game against San Fran, we face the Cowchips and Minnesota. I ain’t Nostradamus, but unless Coach Gibbs and company can right this $1 billion sinking ship, we’re staring down a 7-9 season.

And that is the reality of being a Redskin fan.

WHAT WORKED

Defensive guru Gregg Williams has more than earned my respect. His squad did exactly what this team asked them to do, in the end only surrendering three points. They kept Jailbait from breaking anything decent until the second half. Their shoulders were simply overburdened by the offense.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK

Mark Brunell didn’t make the necessary hot reads, the receivers rarely got open, the running game was a joke. Perhaps Mr. Portis really is a product of the Denver coach Mike Shanahan’s system…

SCORECARD
OFFENSE: Z – (That’s “z-minus.” Last time I gave these to a squad was October 16, 2001. Michael Westbrook and Tony Banks were on the team. Shudder.)
DEFENSE: A- (I do hope this game doesn’t begin locker room division…)
Sp. TEAMS: C-
COACHES: B (The plan looked good on paper, and for 30 minutes I was calling the coaching staff geniuses. “Can it be that it was all so simple then…”)

FANTASY FOOTBALL NOTES

The Young Avengers took a big L this week to the Untouchables, no thanks to Michael
Vick’s continuing slump. Big Wes suggested I tell him to make less commercials and concentrate on not getting sacked. The big pickup for the Avengers was Minnesota RB Mewelde Moore, who earned 182 total yards. Everybody else gets the gas face. Thankfully, Terrell Owens comes back from a bye…

NEXT UP

The 1-3 Bears welcome us Chicago. Something tells me it won’t be NFL Primetime’s Prime Cut. Who’s quarterbacking the Bears—Wade Wilson? Ricky Schroeder? Bueller? Bueller?

I’d say more, but I can’t get out of my head the image of Deion Sanders showboating his interception. Curse you, Deion. Curse you and your seed.

Skins win, 16-10.

Week 4: Plecostomus of the East

Washington 13, Cleveland 17

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Joe Gibbs rode into Washing-town on his virtual white horse amid a peaceful aura, the sunlight shimmering from the three Super Bowl trophies in his sidesaddles. Yes, this was the man who would restore Redskins football to Redskins football. No longer would this talented team be the butt of NFL commentator jokes; nor would people wonder aloud how this team is consistently high-profile but low-production. (Paging Ms. Hilton. Ms. Paris. Hilton.) Daniel Snyder, oft-maligned for meddling with coaching plans, believed Chief Gibbs would provide the stability and leadership he has so desperately wanted since becoming majority owner.

Nonetheless, here we are. 1-3 following a loss to the Browns. Of Cleveland. Cleveland.

Cleveland.

This was a game we could see in the Spring and smile confidently, knowing that this would probably be a win. Seasons change, people change, but Cleveland stinkin’ up their division hasn’t changed in more than a decade. Cleveland has a low-ranked defense, a questionable offense, and a new quarterback in the system. Surely we, the National Football League’s highest paid team and highest paid coach, should put the smackdown on said Browns. Surely. To quote Chris Berman of ESPN: “And that’s why they play the game!”

I had a dream last night, after watching the Baltimore Raisins drop an important prime-time game at home (déjà vu!), that quarterback Mark Brunell was benched. He wasn’t replaced by Patrick “Pharaoh” Ramsey or Tim “Tool Time” Hasselbeck. No, in my slumber I imagined the Redskins quarterbacked by Kurt Warner. Yes, that Kurt Warner. The one with three wins, one loss, one interception, and lots of love in New York. He is, sadly, the very same gentleman who found himself sitting on the waiver wire by the St. Louis Rams in the Spring. I dunno what happened with him under center for us; my dream quickly shifted to some scenario involving Prince and the Revolution’s 1985 Purple Rain concert, Tony Roma’s ribs, and Sade. More on that some other time.

The point I’m hoping to make is that with Brunell as starting quarterback, we’ve won one game. Sunday against a mediocre defense he helped us convert one of eleven third downs. Sure Brunell played hard against the Cowchip defense last week; but we had to scramble to score in the 4th quarter because of ineffectiveness in the first 30 minutes of play. Brunell did not look poised during his time against the mediocre defense of the Giants. And the hard truth is that the Tampa defense never faced much of a passing threat even in their loss. I’m not requesting Brunell’s head in a chicken box, but I’m giving him one, maybe two games to show some proficiency. The bleeding has to stop.

The rest of our highly talented offense shouldn’t rest easy either. It is inconceivable that Coles and Portis are playing at such substandard levels. Sure, Coles had over 100 yards receiving, but no one cares about your numbers if you can’t hold onto the ball. (Somebody must’ve shared this with Tiki Barber in the offseason.) The same goes for Portis, who apparently forgot how he successfully rushed for over 250 times without a fumble. That’s not a coaching issue, that’s a player issue—I doubt he’s being coached to hold the ball less securely now that he’s with the Skins.

I could go on with the penalties and mistakes that prevented the Skins from going up 21-3 in the first half and cruising in the second, but I’d rather offer Gibbs and our coaching staff a suggestion or two on How To Manage Time Outs:

1. Don't use them
2. I said, don't use them.

I am not joking about this. Unless we need to stop the other team from using the clock or a fumble/interception call is blatantly wrong, we should padlock those suckers until midway through the second and fourth quarters. And by blatant, I mean as obvious that Shark Tale is an urban ripoff of Finding Nemo…that The Empire Strikes Back is easily the best Star Wars film ever…that The Matrix should’ve ended after the first film. Crystal clear.

On two successive weeks we’ve squandered time outs and challenges on formation issues and questionable calls. We lost those games. If we’re 3-1, every team’s keeping an eye on the Skins, Gibbs is walking on water, and Snyder’s considering opening yet another section of seats in FedEx Field. But no, we’re 1-3, looking up at the Cowchips, Sábado Gigánte, and the Egos. That’s us, bottom feeders of the NFC East.

The optimist in me says that that there are plenty of good teams sitting with three losses right now. The Tennessee Titans, with their bionic quarterback Steve McNair, come to mind. As do Green Bay and the Cincinnati Bengals. Few teams are looking dominant, except Philly, the Falcons, Colts, Seahawks, and Patriots. Maybe the Jaguars. But that’s it. Everyone else is scramblin’ for wins and respectability. Right now, we have little of either.

Please, Mr. Gibbs, Mr. Coles, Mr. Portis, Mr. Brunell. Get it together. Soon.

WHAT WORKED

We do, fortunately, have a solid, fourth-ranked defense. Hats off to Gregg Williams, perhaps the most productive offseason acquisition, for allowing the fans to stay interested in Redskin games come the fourth quarter. If not for our defense, well, we’d be the Miami Dolphins.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK

It’s fashionable now to hoist the coaching staff on a stick and call them out of touch senior citizens. I’ll resist that urge, and note that the play calling and offensive schemes look to be very competent and successful…on paper. This offense is bogging itself down with holding calls, false starts, and illegal motions. On the plays that do execute, Coles drops balls, Gardner disappears, and Portis runs for a total of 60 yards. That ain’t good football.

SCORECARD

OFFENSE: C- (If you can’t put up points on the Browns, who can you score on? Insert Jennifer Lopez joke here.)
DEFENSE: B+ (I’ll allow giving up a long drive here and there; but the offensive turnovers are forcing them to defend short fields and that stinks.)
Sp. TEAMS: C
COACHES: C- (I’m going to write the Skins and see if Gibbs and I can play a game or two of Madden. Just to get him up to speed on how football may have changed since the early ‘90s.)

FANTASY FOOTBALL NOTES

I’m happy to report that the Young Avengers have vanquished their greatest foe, the heretofore-undefeated Black Birds. My boys put up 99 points behind Marshall Faulk, Terrell Owens, and the Steelers’ D. The ‘Birds have run through their first three games, pounding foes with more than 100 cumulative points per game. This week: 75. The Young Avengers shall not be denied another fantasy championship!

That’s the fun part of bragging in Fantasy Football. You get to pretend that your team actually had any part in the other team’s final score. This, of course, is hogwash.

NEXT UP

Baltimore looks to rebound from watching Priest Holmes and the winless Chiefs smack around the Ravens defense for almost 400 yards. I didn’t think there were blatant chinks in the Baltimore strength, but they sure were exposed Monday night. And their weaknesses sure were evident.

So the Skins can win this one, and here’s what we need to do:

Drug Ray Lewis. Sedate him, tranquilize him, take his shoes, I don’t care. But when he’s off his game, as he was last night, he can be single-blocked by lineman and fullbacks. (And whine about it!) That opens running lanes, some of which head straight at him. Kansas City had average receivers, so Billick knew Priest was going to run the ball a lot. And the D still couldn’t stop him from 100 yards and two touchdowns. That susceptibility starts with Mr. EA Sports.

Don’t be afraid to attack the Ravens cornerbacks. Hey, I like Ed Reed and Chris McAllister, but last night Trent “Money” Green was like Daredevil—the man without fear—and threw at, under, and over the Baltimore defensive backs. Granted, Johnnie Morton and the Chiefs’ receivers had to make difficult catches, but Coles and Gardner are talented enough to get open. Whether they can actually catch the ball is the more pertinent issue.

Avoid sacks. I’m talking to you, Brunell. Trent Green, not known for his mobility, made more than two critical plays, escaping takedowns then completing passes to now wide-open receivers or scrambling more than ten yards for first downs. The Ravens defenders didn’t stay with their assignments and they paid for it. The Redskins should expect pressure and adjust accordingly, dumping passes to fullbacks or other hot reads. It’s well known that when the defense blitzes, somebody’s open.

Score 20 points. The Ravens looked anemic through the air. Kyle “Don’t Call Me Dilfer” Boller is not an accurate quarterback and should not be the future for the Ravens. Tell Billick I said so. Boller’s passes wobbled, he short-hopped one or two, and simply did not look sharp when the game was on the line. Ergo, the Redskins need to force him to make the plays to win. In the critical moments of the fourth quarter, Jamal Lewis could only stand on the sidelines and contemplate how stupid it is to deal kilos of cocaine when you’re guaranteed millions of dollars in professional football. In short: if Kyle Boller’s the answer, you’re asking the wrong question.

Presuming that the Ravens defense doesn’t score two touchdowns, Skins win, 20-10.