You Won't Catch Me Wearing Purple & Black!

...but you will hear me give credit where credit is due. Man, those Ravens put a hurtin' on New York that the NFL won't soon forget. Baltimore put together, in the biggest game ever, what every team wishes they could do: The Three-Phase Complete Game. Everybody scored, everybody did what you expected them to do. That, Norv Turner, is what preparation is all about.

There are no flaws in the Ravens' D. Ze-ro. I was expecting to see something throughout the playoffs, but like my Dad said, "Everybody knows what the defense plans to do, and they do it anyway." Their safeties and corners make one on one tackles on running backs, their linebackers intercept passes and maul any crossing route receivers, their front four cause fumbles and get sacks. Running game? Bah. They shut down Tyrone "Whoo-Whoo!" Wheatley, Eddie "Don't hit me, Ray!" George, and Robert "0-41" Smith on their road to the Bowl. Only person who did anything against the Ravens would be...hmm...Stephen Davis. He plays for the Redskins. Who beat the Ravens. Ahem. But I digress.

I was hoping for a shutout; heck, right before the Giants ran the kickoff back, I thought "Man, New York may not score at all!" Shame there was a breakdown, otherwise you gotta say the Ravens put together the perfect game.

Now I'm sure somebody--probably Ryan "Mr. Baltimore" Palmer--will disagree with me, but I think that this is the last we'll see of Trent "Miss 'em by a mile" Dilfer as a Raven. The Giants' D was good, granted, but Ismail, Coates and Shannon "Calculate a PE Ratio" Sharpe were open pretty often throughout the game. Jason "Pretty Boy" Sehorn had one of his worst games I've seen (and I see a lot yearly against the Skins). The commentators suggested early in the 4th quarter that Dilfer might be a good MVP candidate. Uh, did they forget that WIDE OPEN reciever Dilfer missed in the first half? There was no one--nobody!--around him (Sehorn fell) and Dilfer threw it out of bounds. Way out of bounds. Yeesh. Lots of Dilfer's passes were low, some too high for the receiver to catch and run with. But he did just enough to get the Ravens over the Giants, so God bless him. Liked him testifying on the winner's stand, too!

What would've been a great Super Bowl? Rams vs. Ravens. Best offense vs. best defense. Kerry "Holding Back the Tears" Collins was overmatched and, I dare say, overconfident.

OFFENSE: B- (100+ yards rushing)
DEFENSE: A+ (I might even attend the rally on Tuesday)
Sp. TEAMS: A
COACHING: A+

There. Is that enough praise for the Ravens, Mr. Derrick "Watch One Game a Year" Claggett?

Best commercial? I liked the post-Super Bowl Jordan commercial using the Mos Def "Umi Says" song. The rest were just okay. The E*Trade commercial with the horseback monkey riding past dead dot-commers was cute. Especially liked the dead Pets.com hand puppet they showed.

Worst performance? Oy. Maybe N*Sync. Aren't they tired of singing "Bye Bye Bye?" I'd say Mary J. Blige, but you couldn't hear her mike anyway. Where was Run DMC for the 8-minute "Walk This Way" rendition? Did Britney have a tube sock on her arm? They should'a brought back Ray Charles, gave him a piano, and shut off the pyrotechnics.

By the way, I have given permission to Mrs. Jones to wear her purple and black scarf. On the condition that she announce that her husband is in no way a fan of the Ravens.

Go Skins.