Steve Young Interview Excerpts

OK, here's some of the text from the interview. Unfortunately, the .pdf of the transcript is password protected and the transcribers, ASAP Sports (asapsports.com) haven't posted it on their site. So you're going to have to trust me on this one. Below is my question(s) to Hall o' Famer Steve:

Q. You got your law degree in 1994 from the J. Reuben Clark Law School?

STEVE YOUNG: Yes, I did.

Q. That's kind of a rare asset for a pro player. How do you think that prepared you or helped you in your understanding the complexities of the NFL game?

STEVE YOUNG: Well, more than anything, it drove me a little crazy backing up Joe and not playing much, and I was going nuts. So law school was a help more than anything in the off-season to get -- I think that a lot of quarterbacking is processing information, processing it quickly and efficiently. There are a ton of guys who are playing in this league who have not made it because they could not process information over and over again. You've seen it, call a play and on the third play there's this bonehead move that happened and you can't explain. Too much was going on too fast, and they couldn't process it fast enough.

I think that training yourself is only going to help in the NFL. Memorizing – law school is a lot of memorization and I learned from watching Joe, a lot of football memorization. It really paid off. When you know everything that's going on with you, you can really get good pretty fast.

So there you have it. I do wish the transcibers had included the gnarled mess of Spanish diction we all heard between my questions. Alas. I'll sign off, but here are Steve's comments on entering the Hall of Fame with Dan Marino, the importance of winning championships, and his view of the spectacle that is Terrell Owens:

Q. Having achieved so much in your career on the Pro Bowl, Super Bowls, where does being in the Hall of Fame rank?

STEVE YOUNG: Well, it's different because it's obviously not on the field. I mean when you're accomplishing things on the field, I've always said, the position of quarterback in the NFL is the best job that I could ever imagine. It takes every bit of you, so to be successful, it's a tough thing. So those accomplishments that are on the field are really great.

Now this one, this one encompasses everything that was on the field. So I've got to say, not playing anymore, this is as good as it gets, and this is the end. I think that it allows you to kind of -- it allows you to put it to rest. I appreciate that because, you know, you keep thinking to yourself, maybe I didn't play long enough, maybe I should have played longer, maybe should I have played better, maybe I could have done this or that and now you go to the Hall of Fame, and now, it's done. You don't have to worry, you don't have to think, you did what you did, you put it on the line, you went out there and now it's over.

Q. When you look at your career and Dan Marino's career, how important is it for you to go into the Hall of Fame with a Super Bowl triumph, and considering he is the most prolific passer in history, how important is that Super Bowl victory for you right now?

STEVE YOUNG: I think Super Bowls, for good or bad, are career-makers. They leave you, hopefully, with fans forever and championships. No matter how many yards you throw or how efficient you are or how many MVPs you get, people tend to respond to championships. It's just the way it is.

So the fact that I got one is very important. I don't think in the big picture it matters whether you do or you don't (win a Super Bowl), because the truth is, championships are won by a team. And quarterbacks certainly have a lot to do with it, but I don't think that -- I would not knock somebody for not winning a championship. There are tons of guys in the league today that are great, great players that are not going to see Super Bowls because they don't have the organization behind them or they don't have the talent around them. You have to realize that football is a team game and that's just part of how you judge people.

Q. Given what you just said about contracts and holdouts, what's your take on Terrell Owens situation with the Eagles?

STEVE YOUNG: Terrell is great at theatrics. In that respect, you look at the contract that he signed last year, you knew that this year was a leverage year for the Eagles to find out whether things were going to work out. I think Terrell at the end of the year realized maybe too late that was the case. If I were Terrell, because of the nature of him, I would probably call and say, ‘Hey, look, I'm upset, but, I want to lead the league in receiving this year, and when I do, final regular season game, I'm going to have a ceremony at half-time.’ I think people would respond to that. I think people would respond to that kind of a bold statement. I'm going to go prove that I'm the best receiver in the game, again, and then I'm going to -- I think that's probably the best way to handle it. If he shows up for work and things happen, no matter what his words say, I know him, he'll play hard, he'll fight hard and he'll have a great season.

My Moment With Greatness: Hall of Famer Steve Young

Big news! I just finished my first Q& A with an NFL player. And no, he wasn't a Redskin. You may have heard of him: Steve Young, member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame Class of 2005.

For the uninitiated, Young played in the NFL from 1984-99, and was twice named NFL MVP in 1992 and '94; he's the only player in league history to post a passer rating of more than 100.0 in six seasons. He was named to seven consecutive Pro Bowls and as a member of the San Francisco 49ers is the NFL's all-time leader in touchdown-to-interception ratio (2.16). Most people can't do that on Madden '05. Fun fact: he is the first left-handed quarterback to be elected to the Hall of Fame. He currently offers his gameday insights on ESPN with Stuart Scott, Chris Berman, and the Human Hype Machine, Michael Irvin.

Young will receive the NFL's highest award on August 7th along with perhaps the greatest of quarterbacks (and Isotoner glove pitchmen), Dan Marino. Since I can't be in Canton, Ohio, for the induction ceremony (my wife mentioned something about a wedding anniversary), I joined in a media conference call with his honor.

And just to prove I ain't lyin', I'm posting this before the official NFL transcript of the call is made public. Skeptics.

I was impressed. He's easy to talk to, and was professional enough to endure some hilariously phrased inquries from the linguistically-challenged foreign press. The conversation covered topics from his adjustment to retirement ("you wake up one day and realize you're not good at anything else") to his views on the modern player's penchance for holding out and some thoughts on Terrell Owens. He even threw in a funny Dick Butkus story. You can never go wrong with a Butkus story. When I get the transcript I'll post some highlights.

What I'm so excited about is that I actually managed to slip a question in amongst the international field of reporters. I even added a dramatic pause to make sure I wasn't talking over Mel Kiper, John Clayton, or whoever else was trying to rush in a query. Here's what happened:

Me: Steve, you received your law degree from the J. Reuben Clark Law School in 1994...[pause]
Telemundo Reporter: [unintelligible mangling of english]
Steve: ...yes, I did.
Me: That is such a rare aspect for a professional football player to have. How do you think it helped prepare you in understanding the complexity of the game?

Now Steve did answer my question; I believe he remarked something intelligent about training your mind to analyze information quickly and make decisions. But to be honest, I missed most of it because I was pumping my fist, awash in the realization that Steve Young, the man who studied under Joe Montana, threw touchdowns to Jerry Rice AND appeared on "Wheel of Fortune" was talking to me.

Finally I get to pull a Joe Theissmann and respond, for the rest of my natural life, to any Young-related statement with the prefix: "You know, I spoke with Steve Young on Monday, and..."

2005 Season Review Part Deux

The 2005 Season Review continues...
Here's Part One
Week Nine
(November 5) FedExField was ablaze with excessive pyrotechnics when Philadelphia came calling, live on ESPN Sunday Night Football. Perhaps former Redskin and commentator Joe Theissmann put it best: "I spoke with Coach Gibbs Friday night, and you could see that he really wanted to win this game. The Redskins can move into first place in the NFC East, and that door is a window that won't always be open." Perhaps not.

Washington was fortunate to face a rusty Terrell Owens, who finally ended his contractual holdout in October. ("The reason I did that," Owens revealed, "was to show to my friends and family that I do care about people other than myself. This was for them. But I'm back, baby, and I'm ready to get back on the field and prove myself again." But it was far too late in the eyes of Philly fans; he had been burned in effigy next to Rocky on the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. "I don't care how good you are--nobody disrespects us. He's lucky I had a meeting, otherwise I would have officiated the ceremony," Mayor John Street was quoted in the local press.) Philly quarterback Donovan McNabb couldn't resist the draw of having Owens back on the field, foolishly ignoring the young wideouts who'd brought him early season success, Greg Lewis and Reggie Brown. However, Terrell was but a shadow of his 2004 self, dropping passes and looking like he hadn't bothered reading the playbook since January. ("I didn't know they'd change the plays," he later admitted.)

Washington, on the other hand, put together a solid performance behind Ramsey's 19 for 28, 235 yards and few mistakes. Portis added another 100 yard effort while Chris Cooley and David Patten continued to be the perfect safety valves for Ramsey when Philly's Hugh Douglas and Javon Kearse charged hard into the backfield. But even that wasn't enough, as Egos back Brian Westbrook had an outstanding day. His one-yard dive into the end zone tied the contest at 20, sending the inebriated Philly fans in attendance into raucous E-L-G-A-L-S- Eagles! chants. Their revelry was short lived, as Washington won the overtime toss and marched into place for kicker Jeff Chandler to end the evening. Moments later, Gibbs was hoisted upon the shoulders of his players in victory. Washington won, 23-20, and The Washington Post's Tony Kornheiser backed the Bandwagon out of storage.
Week Eleven
(November 20) "It was like (Raiders head coach) Norv Turner did some 'Revenge of the Sith' Order 66 *#$#% on us," muttered Redskins linebacker Michael Barrow. "He was in our heads, making us screw up." Turner pulled a Palpatine on Daniel Snyder's Republic, exacting a measure of revenge on his former team for dismissing him years ago. Washington seemed ill-prepared following big divisional wins and a trouncing of the Buccaneers in week ten. Portis' third fumble of the year set an ominous tone for the game and mental errors doomed any chance of success. The AFC's hottest tandem made Washington pay. Kerry Collins and Randy Moss foiled the Skins' attempt to win six straight, connecting for two touchdowns and frustrating Shawn Springs. ("I wish my brother Smoot was here..." he opined.) Washington takes a mulligan, 21-7. Sports Illustrated's Dr. Z called the loss "like sniffing 2003 Neudorf pinot noir in a dirty glass."

Week Fourteen
(December 11) It didn't take long for the bloom to fall off the burgundy and gold rose. Three consecutive losses, to the Raiders, Chargers, and Rams, and fans from Anacostia to Cumberland began jumping ship and pointing fingers. "I can't stand how this team just doesn't have heart when it counts. I could get this team back to glory by myself!" exclaimed "RiGGoRoolZ" at ExtremeSkins.com. "...and (Washington Post writer) Nunyo Demasio sucks!" Former Hog Rick "Doc" Walker could bear to see no more: "We are an embarrassment! Man, we will never be what we used to be, back when we had tight jerseys and no free agency. That's when the Redskins I loved played." Though they sat at a reasonably comfortable 7-5, the grumbles resounded through Redskins Park. "Look, I just put the best product I can out there. We have to give the coaches and players a chance, maybe a little slack," stated team owner Daniel Snyder via intercom from his underground bunker.

If there be a cure for the football blues, its name is the Arizona Cardinals. Despite injuries to LaVar Arrington (hamstring), Santana Moss (turf toe), and Mark Brunell (pine splinters in the rear), Washington stymied 'Zona's offense and rolled over their defense. Arizona, who had shocked Jacksonville in overtime one week earlier, was a franchise on the rise. They were, however, no match for a disciplined, ground-control attack and blanket coverage on Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. Cardinals coach Dennis Green hoped that Kurt Warner's Year of Rejuvenation would continue but was disappointed to see the veteran sacked three times. Clinton Portis finished with 133 yards on 40 carries and though he needed Gatorade IVs and oxygen on the sidelines, refused to quit. Said Portis: "I wasn't gonna pull no Tyson out there." Washington won, 14-6.

Week Fifteen
(December 18) For fans, it didn't matter much that the visiting Cowchips were 5-8 and the Redskins were 8-5. "There is such a history of bad blood between these two franchises that you can almost sense the spirits of Tom Landry and George Allen patrolling the sidelines," viewed FOX analyst and hair stylist Chris Collinsworth. Indeed, this game was a mirror of their earlier hard-fought meeting, but with a very different result.

Washington is avenged, 34-28 in front of a sold-out FedEx Field. "Hail to the Redskins" rang loudly throughout Prince George's County when Keyshawn Johnson dropped a desperation hail mary pass on the game's final play. Players hugged, fans roared, and up in the media booth, Troy Aikman silently wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

Even felony-free Sean Taylor couldn't resist the moment, whispering to Pardon the Interruption's Mike Wilbon "Yo, this was awesome...don't tell nobody I said that."

The Redskins now faced two NFC East opponents in the final weeks, but felt a new momentum pressing them toward postseason play. Peter King offered the following high praise in this week's "10 Things I Think I Think": 6. I think Brett Favre still has some touchdowns left in the tank, Bill Belichick has Tom Brady and company ready for another Super Bowl run, and Joe Gibbs ain't so bad after all.

Week Seventeen
(January 1, 2006) It came down to this: one play, one chance and one playoff spot. In the bitter cold of Philadelphia's Lincoln Financial Field, a weary Patrick Ramsey glanced at the play clock, then the game clock. :08, one play's worth, was all that remained of the Redskins' season unless the offense could find the smallest of seams in a defense which had heretofore been without error.

Washington's home loss to New York's Giants and Philly's win over Arizona in week sixteen set a unique stage for this late day contest: the winner wins the East and a guaranteed playoff spot; the loser must ironically hope that Dallas bests St. Louis in the Sunday night game. Ego coach Andy Reid knew the stakes, saying "We can't let our destiny hinge on somebody else's work. We have to make it happen on our own."

David Akers' four field goals provided a slim, tenuous six point margin for victory. The Redskins, stymied into only earning six points, managed to sneak into Ego territory late in the fourth period. Aided by suspect defensive holding calls on Brian Dawkins and Lito Sheppard, Gibbs' men found themselves in the red zone and 18 yards from a season's validation.

Ramsey stooped down, gathered his linemen, backs and receivers, and called his play. Santana Moss and David Patten split left and right, while Portis remained in the backfield. Philadelphia defensive coordinator Jim Johnson showed no fear in his defensive alignment, bringing his linebackers up to the line in a blitz package. Washington offensive coordinator Don Breaux saw the arrangement and hoped he'd guessed right. The hometown crowd rose, as Gregg Easterbrook might say, to military afterburner decibels. The ball was snapped.

Philadelphia's three-man rush wasn't intended to sack Ramsey; that was the task for the delayed blitz of middle linebacker Jeremiah Trotter. Portis met him two yards behind the line of scrimmage, chipping him just enough to delay his attack. David Patten, flanked right, performed a ten yard stop-and-go, gaining a step on cornerback Sheldon Brown. But strong safety Michael Lewis saw it coming, and had already begun drifting Patten's direction.

On the opposite side, Washington's fastest receiver ran a simple go route, testing Lito Sheppard's endurance. Sheppard was more than up to the task, barely losing ground. He wasn't concerned because he knew hard-hitting Brian Dawkins had already planned on sliding out to double-team Moss.

What the Egos had not anticipated, however, was slot receiver Darnerian McCants. He blew past linebacker Dhani Jones and streaked on a post route, cutting once toward center field. Ramsey saw the mismatch, and after pumping once in Moss' direction, launched a spiral up the field. Both safeties could only watch as McCants made the easy grab and dove into the end zone.

Euphoria ensued in Washington, a stark contrast to Philadelphia where fans began looking for flammable materials.
---------------
So that's what I saw. Or think I saw. We made the playoffs, probably facing St. Louis or Seattle in the first round. I'd like to say that we won, working deeper into the postseason. But the truth, for a lot of us Skins fans, is that we'd be happy with just a playoff appearance. Just an opportunity to show the great throngs of naysayers that this franchise is more than just a fantasy owner's plaything, that Gibbs really does know what he's doing, and that Laveranues Coles was a traitorous whiner for demanding to leave.

One can dream, can't they?

Don't forget to check out my NFL Police Blotter over at Hog Heaven!

2005 Season Review

I've been watching the Redskins' offseason closely, and Coach Gibbs has had a pretty rough winter and spring. What with Fred Smoot, Antonio Pierce, Laveranues Coles departing, newly acquired Santana Moss holding out on a contract whose ink wasn't even dry, LaVar Arrington contradicting Coach in the media about his rehabilitation, Sean Taylor refusing Gibbs' calls en route to picking up a criminal charge and every sports writer second-guessing his draft-day decisions, I bet His Joeness sometimes wonders if coming back was such a great idea after all. Certainly Gibbs and Snyders' detractors have had field day predicting doom for the 2005 season.

Coach, fans, cheerleaders, Redskins haters, I've got news for you. I do. The Redskins are going to the playoffs!

I know because the other day I sought wisdom and insight from The Source of Redskins Truth through a time-honored sacrament. In other words, I squeezed my 32 year-old head into my childhood-sized 1978 Rawlings Redskin helmet and let the claustrophobic recession of blood from my brain guide me from the present through the next eight months. (Hey, it worked before and brought Gibbs back to Washington!)

When I came to, disoriented and drooling, I realized I was witness to a revelation: The 2005 Redskins Season Results.

Preseason Game 4 (because the first three really didn't matter)
(September 1) The Baltimore Ravens welcomed the Redskins to That Stadium Next to Camden Yards, eager to avenge their crushing loss to Washington during a summer scrimmage. The bad blood in this Battle of the Beltway wasn't evident in pre-game warmups, as Deion Sanders and Sean Taylor were seen at midfield laughing and comparing egos. The hard hitting was left primarily to young players eager to make the final cut, but that didn't stop Ravens coach Brian Billick from sending federal prison furlough Jamal Lewis in during the fourth quarter to ensure that he continued his streak of 50 yards per preseason game. The Ravens won, 24-20, and Billick defended his decision, confidently assuring the media that "Lewis will be fine for our opener. He's a tough guy. Remember: I'm an offensive guru!" Gibbs, when asked about his teams' 1-4 preseason, shrugged his shoulders, replying "I'm just glad we have everyone healthy, no players are holding out, and that Chad Morton isn't eating up cap space anymore. Wait, don't print that last part."

Week One
(September 11) It didn't take long for Chicago Bears fans to lament their quarterback situation. Chad Hutchinson tossed two interceptions and fumbled once beneath the smothering Washington defense, orchestrated by coach Gregg Williams. LaVar Arrington played like a man possessed, earning eight tackles. Cornerbacks Shawn Springs and Walt Harris had a field day, smothering Muhsin Muhammad and Bobby "Hot Sauce" Wade; Bears coach Lovie Smith was left to scan the sidelines for a quarterback replacement. Realizing that Jeff George, Jonathan Quinn, and Craig Krenzel were his options, he was overheard asking for "that kid we sent to NFL Europe...Kittner somebody." The Redskins offense strutted its stuff against a wearied Chicago defense: Clinton Portis ran for one score, while Patrick Ramsey tossed one touchdown to speedster Santana Moss and was efficient in dumping passes to Chris Cooley and David Patten. "I felt good today," Ramsey later stated, "though it helped that Urlacher and his guys were on the field for 43 minutes." The Redskins won, 20-3.

Meanwhile, the Indianapolis Colts squeezed out a win against the Ravens, primarily because of Baltimore's inability to run out the clock in the final minutes. Colts kicker Mike Vanderjagt minced no words, saying "Lewis just looked tired out there, it was like he'd just run out of gas. Didn't Billick learn in 2003?"

Week Two
(September 19) Nothing draws ratings like rivalries, and ABC knew what it was doing when it scheduled the Redskins to visit the Dallas Cowchips on Monday Night Football early in the season, before anybody's year was already screwed up. The two proud franchises kept viewers glued to their sets late into the night, with both defenses dictating the game's pace. It wasn't until kicker Billy Cundiff inched a 42-yard attempt inside the left goal post with ten seconds left that viewers could finally catch their breath. Coach Bill Parcell's draft-day focus on defense proved to be money well spent, and Big D lived up to its nickname. Left guard Derrick Dockery summed up the day: "Our guys shut down (Dallas quarterback) Drew Bledsoe, but on our side of the ball...we just didn't get it done. I hate losing to them." Lose Washington does, 17-14. John Madden astutely noted "When you look at these two teams, you realize that they, historically, have played some good games and bad games. That's what makes them great." Which was followed by Al Michaels in stunned silence.

Week Three
The Redskins spent their bye week licking their collective wounds and strategizing methods to beat Dallas. Suggestions that included spiking their Gatorade, sabotaging the team bus and kidnapping owner Jerry Jones were considered, but ultimately dismissed. "We sure could've used those three practice days the league took from us back in June..." Coach Gibbs wondered, trailing off into thought.

Week Four
(October 2) Fans who got to their FedEx Field seats early for the Seahawks versus Redskins game got a treat, watching Sean Taylor intercept Matt Hasselbeck's second pass, intended for the slippery-handed Darrell Jackson, and skip untouched for a touchdown. The Washington faithful, unsure of whether they approved of the offseason miscreant, sat on their hands in general indifference. The scoring didn't stop there for Washington, as Patrick Ramsey finally showed the naysayers that he could throw well when given a little pass protection. Accordingly, Santana Moss and the receiving corps had a wonderful day. David Patten scored his first touchdown, burning free safety Ken Hamlin for a 76 yard score en route to 112 receiving yards. "We were confused, uncoordinated, just a mess," Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren later admitted, "It was like watching Evander Holyfield on 'Dancing With the Stars.'" Many in the media room nodded in agreement. Washington started strong and never looked back, winning 28-14.

Week Five
(October 9) Washington visited Mile High Country, home of the Denver Broncos, and witnessed firsthand why Denver was impressive in their previous three wins. Coach Gibbs reasoned "We knew coming in that we had to focus on avoiding Champ (Bailey), containing Jake Plummer, and keeping an eye on (Jerry) Rice and Rod Smith." Despite the attention to detail, the Broncos were the better team today. Without much pressure on Plummer, he picked apart the Skins' secondary, only errant once, tossing a line drive pass to safety Matt Bowen. Skins linemen Joe Salave'a and Cornelius Griffin offered little resistance to Broncos back Garrisson Hearst, who replaced Mister Irrelevant, Ron Dayne, in the second half. The Broncos walked away smiling, 17-9. With the Skins at .500, Sports Illustrated's Peter King reported that Gibbs is an abject failure as a coach and reiterated his 2004 prediction that he won't see another Super Bowl. When asked to respond, Coach Gibbs said "King? You mean that CNN guy with the suspenders?"

Week Eight
(October 30) New York's Giants, led by Eli Manning, welcomed the challenge of the visiting 4-2 Washington Redskins. The Skins were riding high after dismissing the 49ers and Chiefs in convincing fashion, allowing rookie quarterback Jason Campbell to get some garbage-time snaps. ("He did a great job, when we got him in there, of taking a knee. This kid's got a bright future." reflected Gibbs.) The New York fanatics believed that former Washington linebacker Antonio Pierce would have a strong game against his former team; instead it was revealed that Pierce was great in Gregg Williams' system. Clinton Portis rumbled for more than 120 yards and two touchdowns (one receiving), earning him a game ball in the Redskins' 16-7 win. ESPN's John Clayton proclaims Washington his locked-in pick for the playoffs...if they can beat the high-rolling Philly Egos.

Will Washington finally beat the NFC Champions? Will Sean Taylor avoid his semiannual brushes with the law? Will Peter King finally give Gibbs some love? These questions--and many more--are answered in Part Two of the 2005 Review!

Prepare the Valley of the Kings...

During the days of ancient Egypt, the burial ground for rulers was of such importance that elaborate tombs were carved into mountains, deep underground, and adorned with priceless jewels. The West Bank at Thebes was the home for the greatest burial chambers of all, and is known as the Valley of the Kings. The bodies of kings and royal famly were preserved there, and kept safe for years under unfaltering protection. Archaeologists have discovered in these final resting places extensive depictions on the walls, chronicling the accomplishments of its fallen heroes.

Perhaps the time has come to prepare the chamber and ready the scribes to author one last sonnet for a Pharaoh: Ramsey.

If there is such a thing as Writing On the Wall, Patrick Ramsey should surely have seen it in the last five days. Over at Hog Heaven I capsulized the rumors and speculation surrounding Washington's draft preparation, which included trading valuable future picks to the Denver Broncos to acquire the 25th overall pick in this year's draft. With Washington's original ninth pick, the Skins filled an obvious hole with cornerback Carlos Rogers.

With their 25th pick, Coach Gibbs and company selected Auburn quarterback Jason Campbell. Rumors had circulated that Gibbs met with Campbell on Tuesday--I don't believe he visited any other potential draftees this week--though no official intent was communicated. Ramsey, when questioned about the possibility of competition being drafted by the Skins in the first round, said that it didn't matter one bit whether Washington drafted Campbell.

God bless Ramsey, keeping his head up and being professional. Even Gibbs stated that such a move would not reflect on Patrick Ramsey and that a new quarterback would take years to get up to starting quality. So said this Washington Post article.

I realize that the news is still very fresh, but as I watched the 2005 draft, I could swear I could hear Coach Gibbs telling Ramsey that, in no uncertain terms, his days are numbered with this organization. Though His Joeness made it clear at last season's end that Ramsey is his 2005 starter, Washington's mortgaging of next season's draft picks to attain Campbell places a "Use By" date on Ramsey's helmet. You don't give up three picks on a player that you don't expect to see making plays until 2007. Gibbs is building for the future, and his field general will be Campbell.

What I don't get is why Washington would bother re-signing Tim "00.0 Rating" Hasselbeck and restructure Mark "$34 Million" Brunell's contract so that they too could remain on the team. So now Washington has four quarterbacks? I would be perfectly happy with Ramsey as starter, Campbell as backup, and Hasselbeck as waterboy. Heck, the Skins could've brought veteran ex-Redskin Brad Johnson, available in February, back to D.C. to serve as support for Ramsey. Then grabbing Campbell would've made good sense.

I have a fear that "Quarterback By Committee" will be spoken in the halls of Washington this season.

If I'm Patrick Ramsey, I study my gamebook really, really well this spring and hope that I can pull off a Drew Brees-like performance, staving off the high-priced incumbent. Otherwise, this Pharaoh's tomb will tell of a man whose glory was never reached; only the afterlife in another city holds hope.

It just better not be in Dallas.

Gibbs Can't Win For Losing

The media's love with Coach Gibbs continues to barrel headlong toward a jagged precipice. What a surprise. The sports media has seen all the evidence they need to judge Coach Gibbs on how he hasn't been able to keep some of his so-called core players. Surely, they suggest in not-so-subtle ways, Ol' Joe has lost a step in the game, perhaps spending too much time inhaling NASCAR gas fumes while the NFL morphed into its current state.

For instance, on Tuesday's 6PM SportsCenter, one of the "5 Burning Questions" in sports was the following: Has Joe Gibbs' legend lost luster in Washington?" Mr. Sal Paolantonio's talking head fielded the question, and said that in light of Washington spending more than $10 million in free agency last season--more than any other team--yet finishing last in the NFC East, yes, he has lost luster in the eyes of Redskin fans. It should be noted, Sal continued, that Gibbs went to Daniel Snyder with a controlled-spending plan, and that led to the loss of Pierce to the Giants and Smoot to the Vikings.

On Saturday's Full Court Press, hosted by NBC-4 sportscaster George Michael, a roundtable of sports yakkers including the Washington Post's Michael Wilbon and ESPN's Stephen A. Smith considered whether Coach Gibbs has any idea what he's doing with the team. The outspoken Smith, never one to resist the siren's call of a preposterous question, immediately had an answer. But first he feigned disgust, griping "I'm sick of seeing these senior citizens disguised as coaches." He didn't elaborate as to whom he might be alluding, but continued complaining about Gibbs, reasoning that from last season's results and this offseason that the game has passed him by. Mike Wilbon didn't necessarily agree with Stephen Smith, but opined that coaches in charge of player personnel are rarely successful and that the players benefit from having separate general managers.

I know I touched on this topic last week, but seeing these two programs got me worked up again. Gibbs is in an unfortunate no-win situation. If he pays out large sums of money to keep players like Fred Smoot, the Redskins continue their mortgage-the-future habits; if he stands on principle and refuses to finance high-priced free agents, Gibbs is painted as a senile tightwad who has lost his grip on the team.

Now Common Sense 102 says that if something doesn't work, do something else. The Redskins have stunk up the NFC East for far too long, and been a laughingstock of the league because of the searching-for-a-cure spending by the front office. Might it be time to applaud a coach who looks two or three years down the road and plans accordingly? There's a word for that. Leadership.

I believe the Redskins will have a better season than last year, and sometime during November the pundits will sing "...Gibbs has turned this team around...the team really trusts Gibbs..." Sure, sure. Hop on the bandwagon now. There's always room in March.

There was plenty of other news for the Skins this week. Check me out at MVN's Hog Heaven!

One more thing:

Dear Mr. Stephen A. Smith,

I am not surprised by your comments, considering that you cover the NBA more than the NFL. I respect your right to an opinion, but please don't delude yourself into believing that because you speak with passion you speak with precision. After hearing your commentary, I no longer wonder what the "A" in your name stands for.

Sincerely,
Jeff

Gibbs' Patriot Game

The news for Washington hasn't improved much in the last couple of days, depending on who you want to listen to. Last week, the Skins lost their most productive tackler to an NFC East rival. As my Hog Heaven partner Chris mentioned earlier this week, Laveranues Coles was traded to the New York J-E-T-S for Santana Moss and Fred Smoot signed with the Minnesota Vikings.

Now Coach Gibbs finds himself having to defend the losses of Laveranues Coles and Fred Smoot, two of his so-called "core" players. Come to think of it, the only other player Gibbs called "core" was recently re-signed Chris "Skins4Life" Samuels. Losing two of your three keeper players doesn't sound like good management, does it?

Ah, but His Joeness makes what I think is a pretty compelling argument for his stance. On Thursday, Gibbs stated that, given the team's budget, he did his best to keep the players he wanted as a foundation for the future. Some were either unhappy or asked for more money than he was willing to give. Coach also noted how successful the Patriots have been while smartly handling money. The Washington Post says he put it pretty simply: "If we go too far on one player...it's going to cost us other players." The rest of that news conference is here. Imagine that: the Redskins following Suze Orman's 9 Steps to Financial Freedom.

Ironic, isn't it, how Washington's front office has been maligned and mocked as Fantasy Football managers for years now (and yes, I may have captained that boat), yet when Gibbs shows some fiscal responsibility by refusing to budge on an offer to Fred Smoot while retaining most of his other free agents, he has to face the proverbial media music? If he decided to go cash-happy, wouldn't the D.C. faithful roll their eyes and raise the SOS (Same Old Skins) flag? Mike Wise over at the Post goes so far as to suggest that trying to emulate the proven Patriot method of free agency is foolish. Huh?

Even in fantasy football the method works. Those who followed the Redskins Review this past season know that I chronicled my Fantasy Football league, Festivus Maximus. My brother Roy joined the league in August, not long before our draft. Because some team owners didn't return, he ended up inheriting one of their teams which contained such standouts as Ricky "High Times" Williams and Morten "Single Bar" Andersen. His squad suffered untimely injuries and uncharacteristic poor production en route to a 2-6 midseason record. And one of those wins was by forfeit.

So he employed his own version of the Patriot Game, stalking the free agent waiver wires for cheap, available players whom he believed could rise and shine. Who-dats and third-stringers like Reuben Droughns, Lee Evans and Michael Clayton found their way onto Roy's Boys. Meanwhile, the rest of the league laughed at his Quixotic desperation. That was, until he went undefeated the rest of the regular season, upsetting nearly every top team and eventually hoisting the Festivus Championship trophy.

That said, I think that plugging Lemar Marshall in for Pierce and Walt Harris in for Smoot isn't as egregious a crime as the critics think because of how effective Gregg Williams' defensive schemes were last year. Again, who-dats filled in for our Matt Bowen and LaVar Arrington. It also appears that Gibbs & Company want to go deep more often with Moss and Patten, an exciting proposition when you consider that Patrick "Pharaoh" Ramsey has a strong arm. If he can keep on eye on his hot reads (likely Clinton Portis and Chris Cooley), this offense could finally, um, score some points.

In other news, hats off to the Baltimore Ravens who look startingly like the Skins and Jets two season ago, picking two players (cornerback Samari Rolle and wideout Derrick Mason) from one team. The Titans' loss is the Ravens' gain, solidifying an already stingy defense and finally giving Kyle "Hail Mary" Boller somebody to throw to not named Heap. I know it's only March, but I'm a little fearful of the Baltimore defense.

By the way, if anyone's interested in tickets to the sold-out Jill Scott concert, word on the street is that Mike Tice can hook you up.

Good news to report for the Redskins Review. We've been picked up by the Most Valuable Network, a freelance journalist sports site, covering sports form baseball to football to hockey. I'll be contributing my Review blogs to MVN, sharing space on the Hog Heaven page with my partner Chris Hiteshew. I'll continue to add my thoughts on NFL action in both arenas. Check it out sometime and leave a comment!

Pierce, Patten...Progress?

As these tenuous days of the NFL free agency continue, the news for Washington both improves and saddens. The bad news (and I say “bad” in a relative sense; it’s not as bad as, say, news of the continued modern exploitation of childhood favorites like Herbie the Love Bug and Bugs Bunny) is that middle linebacker Antonio Pierce has signed with Sábado Gigante. Pierce led Washington with 112 total tackles—85 solo—and also contributed two interceptions and fumble recoveries. He’s going to be missed, though the silver lining for the despondent fan is that defensive coordinator/maestro Gregg Williams was able to compensate for multiple player injuries on the fly all season. And we still finished the season ranked as a top five defense.

Replacing Pierce—whom Coach Gibbs desperately wanted to keep as a “core player”—won’t be easy. Fortunately, the Skins have some good replacements. Mike Barrow is back from injury and likely will stand in Pierce’s stead; the Washington Post reports that Lemar Marshall, who stood in when LeVar Arrington was injured, may shift from outside linebacker to the middle to help compensate.

What stinks is that an NFC East rival picked Pierce up.

Washington’s good news is the acquisition of former Ravens center Casey Rabach and former Patriot wide receiver/defensive back/kick returner/tax accountant David Patten. This is exciting news, particularly in light of the resigning of Chris “Skins4Life” Samuels and the impending departure of Rod “Parkay” Gardner. Laveranues Coles may still be swapped for New York Jet Santana Moss, so Patten could by virtue step into a top receiving spot. I dunno about you, but I lack confidence in the likes of Darnerian McCants, so we should look into grabbing another above-average wideout.

Nonetheless, the Skins look like they’re wisely choosing their free agents, based upon blatant deficits. Sure the linebacker loss is great; but the improvement of the offensive line and receiving corps provides more than enough balance. So far (and it’s early!), Gibbs and Company are walking with wisdom.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Welcome, dear friends, to the magical time when Redskins fans slumber peacefully, warmed by vivid visions of post-season play. The sub-par season having begun its fade from memory, we contentedly roll over and smile; our dreams are sprinkled with Super Bowl pixie dust born from the checkbook of Mister Sandman, Daniel Snyder.

Ah, March. The offseason. This is when the Redskins' season truly begins. This is when we make our championship run. Ironically, this is also where our seasons are lost.

For the last couple of years, Washington Redskins fans have knelt at the altar of Free Agent Saviors, each season believing that these acquisitions are the One Thing that this team was missing to take it over the Cowchips, past the Eagles, and into the playoffs. Since 2000, the Redskins have cracked .500 a grand total of once. And that coach, quizzically, was fired. Snyder has consistently bankrolled the highest-salary, least-productive players possible. We're like the Yankees, but, you know, without the wins, prestige and championships.

Lest we make the same mistake this year, let us reflect upon some of the mighty offseason pickups who were supposed to spark the Return To Glory, but essentially got their children Snyder Fund college scholarships. It's painful to recall, like picking a week-old scab, but so very necessary. Grab your Neosporin and remember when D.C. was excited about:

Mark Carrier...Irving Fryar...the Family Schottenheimer...Jeff George...Brad Johnson (okay, he wasn’t that bad)...Ray Rhodes...Bruce Smith...Deion Sanders...Eddie Murray...Shane Matthews...Jeremiah Trotter...Jessie Armstead...Chad Morton...Steve Spurrier...Trung Canidate…Mark Brunell…

Free agency can work wonders, too. One should note that via free agency, the Baltimore Ravens managed to find gems by the names of Tony Siragusa, Rod Woodson, Sam Adams, and some guy named Shannon Sharpe to produce a Super Bowl Champion.

But those positive results are few and far between for this Washington organization. Laveranues Coles had a very good year, catching a career-high 90 passes, assistant coach Gregg Williams crafted a top-ranked defensive scheme that succeeded despite injuries to key players, and though the team finished below 8-8, Joe Gibbs is a dedicated and determined leader for the (near) future.

This team hopefully has learned its lesson, and appears to be showing the kind of calculated restraint that produces a stable franchise. Daniel Snyder isn’t flying veterans across the country and treating them to gourmet crabcakes. Yet. Perhaps now we are seeing the real influence of Coach Gibbs on Daniel Snyder.
This Redskins team already has the makings of a contender, but for some offensive gaps (one of which was shored up with the generous resigning of tackle Chris Samuels). But true to our history, Washington’s name came up when Randy Moss was shopping around; and former Tennessee Titan Samari Rolle is rumored to be a replacement for departing Fred Smoot. Can’t leave well enough alone, can we?

And whaddaya know, Brad Johnson is now available!

Super Bowl Shufflin'

Super Bowl XXXIX
New England 24, Philadelphia 21

Raise your hand if you thought there would be any other outcome than this: the Patriots win a hard-fought World Championship with great defense, zero Tom Brady interceptions, by the margin of an Adam Vinatieri field goal. I mentioned in my last post that New England and Philadelphia were predestined to meet; they were the better teams on paper since August. And darn if there were few surprises when the teams finally met.

So in a way this game lacked some of the dramatic luster of previous Super Bowls. Oh, it was solid football, but lacked the jaw-dropping aesthetics we've seen before, even in blowout contests. I suppose that would've required Mike Vick and the Falcons to win two weeks ago. Can you imagine Tedy Bruschi and company trying to spy Vick all day? That would've been good theater, even if the final score could've duplicated Sunday's.

Some observations:

• Philadelphia should've won this game. Let's be honest. You often don't catch Belichick's boys looking so rusty early on. The Sports Guy wrote that if ever Vinatieri was to miss an important kick, it'd be a shock. I was equally aghast that in the first half Brady and Dillon missed a simple handoff, creating a fumble in the red zone. These guys are so good, so disciplined that I was slack-jawed at early-season mistake. The Eagle's defense came to play, pressuring normally stable Tom Brady enough to produce the necessary three-n-outs. Sounds like a prescription for victory to me. But the Philadelphia offense couldn't carry the weight, producing a scant seven points despite great support from their special teams and D. Credit to the Pats' defense, of course, but McNabb had a subpar game (if one can say that about a 350+ yard passing day) and made some critical mistakes that outweighed any brilliant plays. Once New England settled down and got their running game going, the handwriting was on the wall. Early in the second quarter, I looked at my boy D-Trux and proclaimed "the New England defense is smarter than the Eagles' offense." I don't think I was proven wrong.
• I was surprised Donovan wasn't sent on planned scrambles and bootlegs. I know he'd prefer being a pocket passer, but New England sure looked like they knew this preference and I think it would've provided an x-factor (boy, there's an overused sports term) that that Pats may not have schemed for.
  
• It's been noted, first by oval-headed FOX analyst Chris Collinsworth, that the Eagles' last meaningful drive was horrific even though it produced seven points. With just over five minutes to play, holding two timeouts and down by two scores, Philly looked positively lethargic in playcalling and execution. McNabb didn't look like he was particularly concerned about conserving time. It was weird, as if Coach Andy Reid had a secret, 10-point play in the back of the Philly playbook marinating for just such an occasion as this.
  
• One positive from the Eagles' loss is that the free world no longer has to hear blathering bravado from wideout Freddie Mitchell. After Sunday's performance (1 catch, 11 yards) he is such an easy target for mockery that the NFL should petition federal courts for a nationwide gag order. Since they haven't (yet), I'll take my potshots. Flamboyant Freddie not only has two nicknames (one shoplifted from wrestling superstar The Rock, the other too wack to grace even this blog), but actually has one of his entourage walking behind him carrying a faux boxing-style championship belt. Odd, I didn't see that guy Sunday night. On Media Day, Mitchell called out ESPN's former-player analysts, blasting them for critiquing his play. ("It's fast out there!" Freddie said. No kidding, ESPNews' Eric Allen remarked. Catch the ball.) This fool called out the Patriot's secondary, calling them no-names. Fabulous Freddie has--you ready?--five career touchdowns and has never reached 500 receiving yards in a season. By contrast, Washington's Rod Gardner began his career at the same time and has twenty-two touchdowns, has never had less than 600 receiving yards, and is probably going to be traded in the offseason. Fab Five Freddie, live long and in silence.
• Speaking of receivers, Fantasy Stud Terrell Owens again frustrated the naysayers, who hoped that he couldn't walk the talk and would be a nonfactor. (OK, I might have suggested he'd have a four-catch day too.) But T.O. got loose for almost 125 yards on nine catches and reminded us that he has the biggest heart of any wideout in the game. He didn't look 100%, but New England needed to respect him. And when they didn't, by giving him space on the corners or one-on-one, Owens made great grabs and good cuts. If you don't choose him for your fantasy team and you stink next year, don't blame me. My boy BigWes wondered if T.O. might have been more distraction than help. The way I see it, with Todd Pinkston needing a Gatorade IV and Flamin' Freddie still on the team bus, Owens needed to play and could only make the Eagles more competitive. Philly may have something special in young receiver Greg Lewis.
  
• Man that was a numbingly-dull halftime show. Look, Paul McCartney's contribution to modern rock is undeniable. But it's equally clear that he doesn't exactly move the crowd like he used to. Nobody at Ryan the Commish's spot, where I caught the game, cared much for the pyrotechnics, laser show, and Hollywood Casting Agency crowd. My wife put it best: "They need to have somebody else out there with him."
  
• What in the name of Moses was that John Travolta movie about? The commercial began with the groan-inducing voice over introducing us to some painfully square white guy in urban gear who wants to be a gangster. Excuse me, "gangsta." Next you see Black tough guys (including Outkast's Andre 3000) who proclaim to said wannabe "you jus' tryin' to be Black!" I must've been watching PBS when the news broke that Black people are gangsters. If that's not bad enough, Travolta is introduced because he IS a real gangsta. You can tell because he beats people up and wears dark colors. Before you can say "Tarantino," Uma Thurman suddenly appears and she and Travolta reprise their Pulp Fiction dance club scene. Then they make a record. I think that's the plot. I don't know because my anguished screams drowned out everything else.
• Enough with the monkeys at the office, CareerBuilder. We got the joke early and every successive ad assumed we didn't understand it the first time.
• Don't you miss the 1970s/80s Miller Lite commercials, starring Bob Uecker ("I must be in the front row...!"), Rodney Dangerfield and a host of old-school tough guys like Bubba Smith, Joe Piscopo and Dick Butkus? Fans over 30 know what I'm talking about. The memories of those "Less Filling!/Tastes Great!" rivalries still bring a smile, especially the classic "All we need is one pin, Rodney..." Now if Miller had any sense, they'd reunite some of those NFL greats (including quarterback/whipping boy Bert Jones) and film one more for ol' times' sake. I'd love it more than any ad I saw on Sunday's broadcast.
  
• It doesn't matter how ESPN tries to spin it; the Pro Bowl is not worth watching. I've tried for many years to draw upon some enthusiasm for one side (usually the NFC), but Lord knows the truth. Fans don't care. Why? Unlike the NBA All-Star games, defense is actually half the sport's attraction. A 13-10 game can be more riveting than one with a 45-28 final score. If two NBA teams can't score more than 60 in a game, fans just shake their heads and try to forget it as quickly as possible (which is easy since teams play 150 games per season). Let's not forget that none of the NFL starts want to get hurt playing in a meaningless game, so the Pro Bowl is more akin to watching light contract drills during trainging camp. Just with better weather and uglier uniforms. So forgive me if watching a bitter McNabb and Manning throw 40-yard bombs all day against 1/2 effort defensive backs doesn't grab my attention.
• There can't be much of an argument that New England isn't one of the best NFL teams in history, a living, breathing dynasty. Any bets on whether they'll be as strong next year, having lost key coaches?
• Redskins fans should be happy about Philadelphia's loss. So says my buddy Fresh Dan, who wrote me and offered this glimmer of sanguinity: "I figured a devastating loss for the Eagles could traumatize them and make them easier pickings for the Skins next year. Maybe now post-bowl in-fighting within the team will cause it to disintigrate from inside out and they will be easier vicitims next year. One can hope!"
  

So now we head into the vast wasteland between that is the time between the Super Bowl and the NFL Draft. Make sure you catch one of the 3,026 broadcasts of Game of the Week featuring Tampa Bay vs. Detroit in 2001. I think I'd rather dust off my unOfficial Redskins full-game DVDs and bask in the beauty of the original counter-trey.

One more note: His Joeness, Coach Gibbs, is back at work already for the Skins and is committed to his five-year contract. Yes, Dan, there is hope.

Random Rants

These are the days that try fans' hearts. We have more than a week left before any NFL action, and then it will be an overblown hypefest with a 60-minute halftime show. Real Football still exists, but only on the NFL Network's Game of the Week or through cleverly-attained full-game DVDs. The problem is that you've seen all of that before; what makes football so much fun to watch is the mystery of the unknown. No matter how many times I see the Ravens play the Titans in the 2000 Divisional Championship, the ending's the same: Eddie George becomes a shell of a man.

Nonetheless, some topics have arisen of late that you may find interesting. And since this is a blog, I am urged, nay, required, to pass my thoughts on to you. Even if I ramble illogical gibberish like Locke on Lost. And yes, I'm stalling until something significantly football-related happens.

Welcome to the EA Sports Super Bowl brought to you by the NFL...
Readers may recall that not long ago the Review made note of Electronic Arts' coup de grâce, snapping up the exclusive rights to promote NFL players, stadiums, logos, and other property in video games. The worry for football fantatics was that the rival ESPN NFL2K series would flounder and flail about, legally confined to making realistic, statistically accurate Canadian Football League video football. Ugh.

Well, things look better for ESPN and their partners. EA Sports, in its benevolence, tossed the following life preserver to its former rival: join us or die. That's paraphrased, of course, but look at the result. ESPN and Electronic Arts today announced a 15-year partnership, giving EA access to ESPN's broadcast, print and online content - as well as its stable of personalities - for all of its sports titles. The integration of the two brands will begin in 2006. So says CNN.

How ridiculous is the new EA Monolith? They also bought the licensing rights to Arena Football.

What makes this doubly interesting is that the EA Sports/John Madden contract has not been renewed. The CNN report notes that the future game, presumptively named Madden 2006, could be named "EA Sports Football." Videogame football without Madden? That's like B.E.T. without butt-shakin' videos, the Redskins without high-priced offseason free agents, and Yanni without his exceptional mustache. Just ain't the same.

On the other hand, I kind of like the idea of seeing a digitized Chris Berman at halftime, running through his Fastest 3 Minutes segment peppered with his unique brand of recapping. (My personal favorites are "MarshallMarshallMarshall!" and the Berman/Tom Jackson duet "San-de-a-go, super Chargers!") Plus you're bound to get a better immersion into the watching-a-game-when-you-aren't-playing experience. And can you put a price on finally hearing the Monday Night Football theme pre-game?

Let's not forget that Take Two, the company who produced the NFL2K series games, is now high, dry, and probably looking for the next Mario to recoup the significant loss of the ESPN brand.

Keep Your Cursed Pink Hearts and Yellow Moons
If there's one cereal that fully represents my youth, it was General Mills' Franken Berry. For those of you under 30, Franken Berry was a delicious strawberry-flavored concotion of ghost-shaped whole-grain pieces, accented by pink, strawberryish marshmallows. Come to think of it, it's like Lucky Charms, but tastes good. This cereal, and his siblings Count Chocula and Boo Berry (we'll ignore Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy, those short-lived, motherless children) stayed crispy despite milk immersion and provided the kid-friendly reward of sweetly-flavored milk when the cereal was finished. A true happy ending.

I bring this wonderful cereal to the forefront because I can't find it anywhere. Some web searching reveals that one can purchase Franken Berry from Amazon, but only for $4.00 a box (not including shipping) or as part of a $15 three-pack containing the Count and Boo. Not desirable, but a fair last resort. I have also heard that Frank's available during the Halloween season. That is clearly too long to wait for that strawberry sweetness. Finally, I am told through rumor that some states miraculously keep Franken Berry stocked on their shelves all year! Only one problem...I don't live in any of those states. I'm in Maryland. Anybody know specifically where a 30+ kid can get some Franken Berry?

I Call Him...Beatle-Man!
This recent news is further proof that the world is running out of good ideas: Stan Lee, the creator of such memorable comic book characters as Spider-Man and The Hulk has a new superhero franchise on the horizon. The hero will be based upon the life and persona of...Ringo Starr. You remember him: the only unoriginal member of the Beatles. The Associated Press reports that we can expect television and DVD programs featuring Captain Ringo, (or Sgt. PepperSpray, or whatever they come up with) within the next year or so. Ringo's alter ego is a secret--shh!--and is described as an "evil-battling, Earth-saving — though reluctant — superhero with a great sense of rhythm." Of course he is.

Why would Lee, who made Wolverine a household name, choose Ringo Starr to embody his superhero? Says Lee: "Ringo is beloved worldwide for his commitment to people and his singular wit." Apparently, Dr. Ben Carson, Christopher Walken, and Bill Gates weren't interesting enough.

I'll Take Fiction, Please
From the Sometimes Truth Is Strange Enough files: 1980s pop princess Deborah "Don't Call Me Debbie" Gibson is posing for Playboy; McDonald's is advertising their double quarter-pounders with the Internet vernacular "I'd Hit It;" and Michael Douglas has decided to star in another sequel to his two-decades old, inexplicably popular movie Romancing the Stone. Have mercy.

But for my dollar, the oddest thing I've heard is how dramatically the Arizona Cardinals have changed their team logo. Yes, they're still the Cardinals (and yeah, they'll still stink), but now their symbol is "more predatory and much more aggressive," says their vice president. I dunno what side of town you're from, but hitting Bold and Italic does not a killer make. Here's the evidence and here is the ESPN.com article, full of laughable quotes.

Coming soon: my picks on why both teams will win the Super Bowl...

Bacon Roethlisburgers, 1/2 Off

I don't know about you, but the news on Sunday of the passing of Johnny Carson sure hit home. I was killiing time before playoff football by watching NBC's domestic-heavy coverage of the Detroit Auto Show when they interrrupted the broadcast to announce the sad report. I was stunned, as when I heard of the recent death of Ray Charles. Nobody ever expects to live forever, and tomorrow is assured to none of us; but death sure seems to arrive ahead of schedule for some people.

Carson's Tonight Show was one of the few late night shows my parents allowed me to watch during my early years. I cherish the memory of sitting with my family and watching Johnny deftly ad-lib his way through dying material. He was something special, and represented for me one the last vestiges of great television comedy. He could be funny, sure, but his greatness in my eyes resides in the cleanliness of his humor. Of course, there were sly winks and double entedres that sailed over my head like a Roethlisberger pass, but it was his clever wit and delivery that charmed me into a loyal viewer. I was drawn to this man who looked to be doing exactly what he was born to do.

So then I admit a bit of naiveté, mourning the loss of these icons from my youth while shocked at their lack of immortality. But I shan't apologize; every faint remembrance of Charles Schultz, Fred Rogers, and Christopher Reeve is like a brief whiff of Mom's corn pancakes: they always make me smile. Good night, Johnny.

Want to know what gets my goat? NBC's website didn't even have any note of Carson's death on their front page on Monday morning. As of this writing, they've added a little square to the bottom right honoring the man whose show once produced more than 10% of NBC's total revenue and ended with 50 million viewers. What's prominently displayed when the page loads? Couple's Fear Factor. Have mercy.

Let's talk football.

I was speaking with my boy Ryan the Commish earlier today, and he reminded me that this season's Super Bowl matchup has been widely predicted since, oh, August. After all the talk this year about the Colts and Manning, the Chargers and Brees, Culpepper and Moss, and, um, Gibbs and Brunell, the very simple truth remained that the Philly Egos and New England Patriots are the best teams in their respective conferences. How true.

What I find amazing is that while both of these teams are perennial contenders, occasional conference champions, and one nears dynasty status, they both keep getting better. Consider that the Patriots and Eagles both finished last season ranked #1 and 3 respectively and still were able to pick up high-impact free agents in the offseason who perfectly filled their few weaknesses. Corey Dillon had his best year ever and Terrell Owens instantly made Donovan McNabb a pocket passer. That's good management of personnel and finances, and the rest of the league (et tu, Snyder?) would do well to learn from their example

The labored two weeks between conference championships and the Super Bowl give plenty of time for analysis and prognostiaction. But let me say here, now, that if Terrell Owens fails to play on Super Sunday, the Eagles will not win. If T.O. suits up and plays, I give the Eagles a 47.6% chance of winning. That is, it's more likely than not that the Patriots will repeat and ascend to the Pantheon of Great NFL Teams.

I was a bit dismayed at how unbalanced many of this season's playoff games turned out. The headlining games featuring Vick vs. McNabb, Manning vs. Brady, Roethlisberger vs. Belichick, Vick vs. Bulger, Culpepper vs. McNabb, Favre vs. Culpepper, and Manning vs. Mike Sherman all turned out to be one-sided smackdowns whose only drama was whether the losing team could make the score respectable. Thankfully, the Jets made the playoffs and provided some Real Fun Football, even if it wasn't Good.

So I'll wait a bit to predict a final score and confirm the Patriot's win. Think I'm overconfident of New England? Raise your hand if you thought Brady would go deep for two passes over 40 yards in the first half, including one for more than 60 for a touchdown. Nobody in Pittsburgh should have their hand up. The Patriots held the high-powered Colts to 3 points, then put up 41 on the road against the #1 seed in the AFC. They humbled the league MVP and Rookie of the Year in consecutive weeks, and were never challenged. They can run, they can pass, they have a wide receiver playing in nickel defense. What can't they do?

I dunno about you, but if I'm Andy Reid and the Eagles, I don't sleep these two weeks and prepare to do what appears to be the impossible: outsmart the New England Patriots.

Divisional Playoff Pick 'Em

Before we unveil this weekend's playoff picks, there is some sad news to report. It appears that the horrific devastation and loss of life in South Asia have forced the cancellation of the February re-make of the 1985 anthem We Are The World. NBC reports that Quincy Jones, the producer of the original hit, which supported the USA for Africa relief efforts by selling millions of records, felt that the timing of this project (to be named We Are The Future) in the wake of the tsunami catastrophe was inappopriate.

We here at the Redskins Review couldn't agree more, and applaud Q's sensitivity. However, the comedic value of a 21st century We Are The World is simply too great to ignore. There are more than enough modern crackpots to fill the slots once occupied by such great artists as Steve Perry, Tito Jackson and Bette Midler. Thus, the Review is proud lend a hand and present the updated rosters for We Are The World 2005.

ORIGNAL ARTIST/REPLACEMENT
Dan Aykroyd...Vince McMahon
Harry Belafonte...Tiger Woods
Lindsey Buckingham...Lindsey Lohan
Kim Carnes...Britney Spears
Ray Charles...Jamie Foxx
Bob Dylan...Bono
Sheila E....Shakira
Bob Geldof...that guy who says "Seacrest out!"
Hall and Oates...Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard
James Ingram...Ray Lewis
Jackie Jackson...Usher
LaToya Jackson...Sharon Osbourne
Marlon Jackson...Jack Osbourne
Michael Jackson...Ozzy Osbourne
Randy Jackson...Kelly Osbourne
Tito Jackson...Lenny Kravitz
Al Jarreau...Jay-Z
Waylon Jennings...Jon Stewart
Billy Joel...Marilyn Manson
Cyndi Lauper...Christina Aguilera
Huey Lewis and the News...Green Day
Kenny Loggins...Kenny Loggins (he could use the work)
Bette Midler...Gwen Stefani
Willie Nelson...Regis Philbin
Jeffrey Osborne...Dave Chappelle
Steve Perry...William Hung
The Pointer Sisters...Destiny's Child
Lionel Richie...Marc Antony
Smokey Robinson...50 Cent
Kenny Rogers...Eminem
Diana Ross...Oprah
Paul Simon...Michael Moore
Bruce Springsteen...John Tesh
Tina Turner...Jennifer Lopez
Dionne Warwick...Queen Latifah
Stevie Wonder...R. Kelly

If Quincy's got any sense, he'll record a Making Of video and put it on pay-per-view. I'd pay $39.95 to see Tiger and Marilyn Manson working on their harmonies.

Let's get to some football. Here are my picks for this weekend's games:

New York Jets at Pittsburgh
Word on the Net is that Jets quarterback Chad Pennington arrived at practice this week looking like death warmed over due to some mysterious illness. The team actually refused to let him practice because of his condition. Coach Herm Edwards says that Pennington definitely will start this weekend. Anybody else think that Chad can pull a Jordan and play through flu-like symptoms? Me neither. Meanwhile, backup Quincy Carter had to step away from the team to attend to family matters. So that leaves one man to go under center, second-year wonder Brooks Bollinger. Yes, that Brooks Bollinger. The one who's thrown nine regular season passes. Good news, Jets fans: he completed five of them.

Pittsburgh walks into this game with Roethlisberger, Staley, Burress, Bettis, Ward, and Randle-El rested, healthy, and playing at home. The Steelers' defense should be able to clamp down on the run, should pick off two interceptions, and handle the Jets easily. Pittsburgh wins, 20-10.

Indianapolis at New England
My friend (and Cowchip rooter) Dr. Lim asked me about this game earlier today, and here's what immediately came to mind: "....But for the record, the Colts can beat the Patriots this weekend, particularly because the Pats don't have their two starting safeties and they have a wide receiver covering slot receivers. Imagine Deion Branch trying to cover Brandon Stokely. I laugh.

The key for the Colts is their defense. They need pressure on Brady by defensive end Dwight Freeney, but more importantly they have to stop Dillon and the run game. Everyone knows that Manning can't score if he's not on the field. So if Dillon can control the clock, the Pats win. If the defense forces some relatively quick 3-outs, the Colts win. Can the Colt defense do that? I don't think so, but it'll be fun to watch them try."

Let's not forget that the Colts defense was fortunate against Denver when a first down was negated on replay and Denver opted not to attempt a 4th and one near midfield. Indy promptly scored after both events, and the rout was on. In the second half, Denver put up three touchdowns with minimal effort. But for the enormous power of the ManningBoys, this game could've been close. Kind of.

The Colts' defense will lose this game for them. Colts 24, Patriots 30.

Minnesota at Philadelphia
Mike's Vikes sure sound confident coming into Ego territory. And perhaps they should: they marched into Lambeau Field (which now has the same amount of "magic" as Lothian, Maryland) and humbled the LemonPants. The Vikings' main concern is Randy Moss' sprained ankle, which apparently didn't hobble him enough to burn Green Bay defensive back Al Harris for the clinching touchdown. No worries about Randy.

The Philly Egos come into this game a wee nervous about their sudden impotence. Terrell Owens may be a lot of bad things, but he was a veritable godsend for this organization. Without him, Chunky Soul pitchman McNabb will likely be scramblin' around or handing off to tailback Brian Westbrook. That isn't the prescription for a win, even if you've had more than 30 days to revise your offense around passing to Todd Pinkston.

I hope the Liberty Bell is flame retardant, because the City of Brotherly Love is gonna burn Sunday evening. Vikings win, 21-20.

St. Louis at Atlanta
Folks have mentioned that St. Louis got the very best assignment for a second playoff game--inside the high-speed astroturf of the Georgia Dome. I concur, but it won't be enough to win. I don't know how, I don't know when, but Mike Vick is going to win this game for Atlanta. Remember in The Matrix Reloaded when Trinity was falling to certain doom, having been shot by an Agent? Remember how Neo was suddenly able to fly at Warp Factor Five to catch her at the last possible second? Remember how that felt? That's what Vick's gonna do for viewers of this game: save the world and blow your mind when he does it...

Holt and Bulger will hook up for two touchdowns and 154 yards; the Falcons need 60 yards to get into field goal range, possessing one time out but facing 20 seconds until the final gun. Atlanta will line up in four-wide set and send everyone on staggered post routes. Someone on the Rams will forget who's quarterbacking the Falcons and will drop back into coverage. Vick will dip, dive, disappear, and break free for a 40 yard run, with only 8 seconds remaining. With one play remaining, Atlanta opts to pray for a miracle. They go five-wide, and the Rams prepare for a Hail Mary, but someone will forget that Vick can still throw deep while on the run. At the snap, Vick faints a quarterback scramble, drawing absent-minded defenders forward. Superman launches a laser strike that would make Peyton happy to Alge Crumpler, who slipped to the rear corner. Happiness ensues.

Think I'm wrong? Falcons win, 28-24.

Playoff Fever...Catch It!

This first weekend of the NFL Playoffs is one of my favorites of any season, trumped only by the Divisional Playoff games coming this weekend. For me, all of the ingredients for excitement are doubly present during these two January weekends: good teams facing desperate, underdogs, knowing that their home field advantage is no guarantee of success; the season-ending finality of the contest; the harder-hitting, the deeper-strategizing, and the magnification of mistakes. Makes for drama in nearly every contest.

Plus it's football nearly eight hours of football on Saturday and Sunday.

This Wild Card Weekend certainly lived up to its billing. I mentioned last week that I wasn't looking forward to the games between St. Louis and Seattle nor Minnesota at Green Bay, on account that none of these teams looked like playoff material in the final weeks of the regular season. Yet still these clashes were competitive and, yes, entertaining. I can see Don Cheadle's next NFL commercial: "One team's 8-8, the other backed into winning a division. But you can't turn off the TV. That's how great the playoffs are: they can make even teams that stink watchable." By the way, if want to see some of those great playoff commercials, I found them here.

So watch I did, and here's what I saw:

St. Louis vs. Seattle

The Rams are suddenly the Bandwagon Pick against the Falcons after Marc "Battle of the" Bulger and company cooly passed all over the Seahawks' defense. The reason for Marc's success was containment of the Seattle pass rush. On his laser strikes to Torry Holt, Kevin Curtis, and Cam Cleeland, Bulger had time to throw against blitzes. Credit Marshall Faulk and his understudy Steven Jackson for part of that. Seattle's defenders clearly couldn't keep up with the Rams' receivers.

An aside: wasn't it nice seeing Ol' Faulk put up more than 50 yards and a touchdown? Might he have more moves left in the tank? Surely some team next year could use a guy with more unused energy than 65-year old Emmitt Smith--who, by the way, had more rushing yardage (937) than anybody in Kansas City, or Oakland and touchdowns (9) than Ahman Green, Clinton Portis, Reuben Droughns, Tennessee's Chris Brown, and anybody in Detroit or Jacksonville. Think about that before next year's fantasy draft. Credit my boy Tony G. for raising the issue.

Seattle ran the ball less than I thought, given that Shaun "Waaah!" Alexander came within one yard of this season's rushing title. If we've learned nothing from Mike Martz in his Super Bowl loss to New England, we have gleaned that you dance with your date. Or you don't jump horses midstream. Better yet, run what'cha brung. Seattle was pass-oriented on Saturday, which in hindsight wasn't too bad a plan...except that Hasselbeck's passes were dropped at crucial times. What a heartbreaker for Seahawks fans. May I suggest Stick-Um?

New York Jets at San Diego

This game was high on my Gotta See list, in part because here in Maryland the Charger's regular season games were never shown. From afar did I begin to admire Marty Schottenheimer's work with the formerly last-place franchise. The mystique of Drew "Summertime" Brees and the curiously-named LaDainian Tomlinson, coupled with the "where'd that come from?" (aka the "Keisha Knight-Pulliam") pulled by tight end Antonio Gates spiced up an already exciting gaming proposition.

This game provided, for my money, the best action of the weekend. Unlike other games, these teams looked evenly matched, played (relativey) smart football, worked their strenghts, and sent the game into overtime. All in damp, muddy, real-football conditions. My only regret was that I had to listen to the 4th quarter on AM radio on my way home. Every football fanatic should have this experience:

[after commercial]

"SHHZZZ We're back...Marv Albert, John Riggins here at Qualcomm Stadium, the Jets 24 seconds left in the fourth quarter, the Chargers are down by seven with the ball on the New York Jet 2 yard line. FRZZRRRRCC It is fourth down and the game is on the line..."

"Marv, you CHRZZZ think that Schottenheimer needs to go to Gates or Tomlinson here. He just tossed incomplete to Gates on the that third down, so New York knows Brees is looking his way. They've done a great job of SCHZZZZZ Gates until this last drive. Brees has got to get the ball to him or L.T...."

"Brees steps up under center, surveys the defense...the Jets spread, covering San Diego who send Tomlinson out, now in a five wide receiver set...this is for the tie...there's the snap... Brees back to pass, flushed backward from the pocket and SCHZZZZRRR pass ZZZRRRRHHHCHHHZHHHHHHRRRRZZZZZZZZZ endzone! RRHHHHRRHHHRZZZZbyRRRREEZZZZZZRASGKGKJJFRRRRR but FRRZZR there is a flag GRRRRSZZZZZZHHHRRRRRSCHSSHC! BRRRRRCCCCRZZZZZZZ!"

"Boy, what a break for San Diego, Eric Barton has TRCCCZZHHHH feel horrible for SCHHHHZZZZing FFRRRESSDZZZZZ committing such an stupid foul, Marv. Brees had clearly gotten the ball away, and the ref was right there to make the call. He had to make that one. Now the Chargers have GRZREEECHHHHHOOOOWWWW on the FRZZZZRRRREEEECHHH..."

I say that all to say that I never really heard what happened at the end of regulation. Thankfully, I have Comcast's NFL Network On Demand service, so I got to see--and hear--everything the way it really happened. Ah, technology.

Denver at Indianapolis

You had to know this wasn't going to be pretty. Manning, as I wrote last week, has looked as invulnerable as the X-Men's nemesis Juggernaut all season. The Colts were well-rested and playing at home on their track-like indoor turf. Denver's John Lynch added fuel to the Indianapolis rocket when he suggested that the Indy receivers were soft (and probably regretted his comments as Reggie Wayne amassed more yards in the first half than his entire team).

Broncos fans couldn't have expected to win. They may have thought they'd make a game of it, since adding Pro Bowler Champ Bailey and Lynch. Bailey limited Marvin Harrison to about 50 yards and only four catches. I guess that was good. But his team still was humiliated, this year by only eight points less than last year. That ain't progress. As TMQ noted, at this rate the Broncos should be able to win by the year 2010. Keep hope alive, Mile Highers.

One more Bailey note: did you see him get completely pasted by lil' Marvin Harrison during Wayne's Screen Pass of Glory in the 4th quarter? Because he's still respected around Redskins park, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he probably had his head turned the wrong way and got blindsided. Riiight.

Minnesota at Green Bay

What I thought would be the least interesting game of the weekend surprised me and was both competitive and entertaining. I have no beef with Green Bay as a city, or the LemonPants Packers as a team. I appreciate the Cheesehead’s loyalty and (relative) intelligence. Heck, I like that the Pack are publicly owned and their fight song is pretty fun to sing.

What gets my goat is the deification of He Who Walks On Water, Brett Favre. Sportscasters the world over seem to think that he can do no wrong, extolling his maverick-like courage and determination. Let’s be clear: he will be in the Hall of Fame, he is a savvy quarterback, and he still possesses a rifle arm. Sometimes, like on Sunday, Ol’ Brett sucks (22-33, 216 yards, 1TD/4INTs, 55.4 rating). He is not Thor, Chris Collinsworth. Joe Buck, he cannot summon lightning. And Darryl Johnston, his little illegal flip pass, made when his team really could’ve used the first-and-goal or fourth-and-one inside the five yard line, wasn’t cute, innovative, or keen. It was a cowardly, rookie move that, though excused by the analysts, pushed a sure field goal back another five yards, resulting in the miss.

One play in particular was Exhibit #1 in my case of NFL Favre Deification: Favre passes incomplete to Bubba Franks, who is tackled. Franks rises, and a Vikings defensive end, who apparently didn’t hear the whistle, takes Franks down. A mild scrum ensues. The refs began separating players, and Sir Favre runs up the crowd and begins pushing Vikings players. At this point, the shoving is dying down. One of his own linemen moves Favre back, and he goes around the crowd to confront a Vikings linebacker and hits him in the face, right in front of a referee. It was absolutely clear. Did he get flagged? Did the commentators note how Favre had no business fighting people, and how he pulled a Ron Artest and attacked someone who had nothing to do with the play? Of course not. He’s Brett Favre and he’s playing through personal pain. Sheesh.

Speaking of personal attacks, I admit that I thought effervescent Randy Moss’ clinching-touchdown display pretty funny. I don’t condone it, and wouldn’t recommend anyone try to follow suit in the future. But every time I see the picture of Moss’ moon, I laugh. It wasn’t nice, but it sure hit the nail on the head and unequivocably made his point. Moss better have extra security next time he plays in Wisconsin.

Tune in tomorrow as I present my Playoff Picks. I dunno if you have the time or not, but we have a slate of phenomenal games on tap.

P.S. By the way, the United States is calling off the search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Make of that what you will.