Washington 22, Indianapolis 36
When the Redskins stepped onto the manicured turf of the RCA Dome, they had already admitted that this was a game they must win. That was an understatement: the Redskins needed to win this game to not only improve their record and counteract an apparent slide, but to restore some confidence in themselves and, most importantly, gain some semblance of league-wide respect. Surely, beating the only undefeated AFC team in their home--heck, just putting up a good fight--could serve as a catalyst for a possible climb out of the depths of mediocrity. But Washington didn't just come up short.
They were terrible. Cover-your-eyes awful.
Oddly enough, my Pops wasn't fazed by the Redskins' play. "This isn't such a bad game to watch," he remarked midway through the third quarter as the Colts continued their offensive clinic, "because I had no expectations for Washington." He smiled and continued munching his popcorn.
Well, I had some expectations, but they were dashed so carelessly that I could only hold my head in my hands. From the foreboding beginning to the black comedy of the Redskins' touchdown in the final seconds, there was plenty to put Redskins fans in anguish:
THE BAD
* Before you could even say "blowout," Indianapolis drove 92 yards for a touchdown, needing to convert only one third down. Peyton Manning was 5 for 6, the Skins were down 7, and it looked like the only way Washington wouldn't lose by 40 points was if Manning's arm gets tired.
* While the FOX broadcast team applauded the Skins defense for holding the Colts to 13 first half points, the truth was that they gave up nearly 200 passing yards and the only reason Washington wasn't losing at halftime was because Marvin Harrison forgot to put his first foot down on his booth-reversed touchdown catch.
* You want bad? The Colts' opening drive of the 3rd quarter was 55 yards, four plays, two minutes, and zero resistance from the defense. Surgical.
* The numbers don't lie: Clinton Portis rushed ten times for a paltry 52 yards against the worst rushing defense in the NFL. Ugh. But that wasn't nearly as nauseating as...
THE WORSE
* What in the name of Mike Martz was Washington doing, gameplanning short passes on third downs? Analyst and Cowchip Ring o' Famer Troy Aikman was right on when he was befuddled by short routes on long-distance downs. Remember when Santana Moss was Mr. Third Down and the Skins led the league in converted percentages? That seems like a long, long time ago.
* Maybe part of the reason for Brunell's dump-offs was because his offensive line played pitifully. Chris Samuels and Jon Jansen did their best Jonathan Ogden impressions, allowing the Colts' defensive ends to blow past them on a regular basis, either to pressure the pass or destroy the run. When one of your best running plays is made by a wide receiver, your offensive line has underperformed.
* So much for a healthy Shawn Springs' return to help the defense. His presence didn't seem to make much of a difference, as Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison each had stellar days. Springs was notably owned by Harrison on a third quarter, in which Marvin ran right past him for a 38 yard reception. Speaking of galloping ghosts, Wayne is now carrying the jock strap of Kenny Wright after torching him for a 51 yard touchdown in which he, um, ran right past him. But the worst display of defensive work was courtesy Mike Rumph, who faced Harrison on the one yard line. Harrison faked inside-outside-inside. Rumph stopped defending on "outside" and was left tripping over his broken ankles as Harrison caught an easy score. Where's Darrell Green when we need him? I doubt he'd consider returning, after seeing...
THE UGLY
* Was there an uglier series of plays for Washington than when they pressed down to the Colts' 11 yard line, preparing to take the lead? In less than a minute, the Skins gave up a sack, then had a Moss headbutt penalty for 15 yards tacked on, and Nick Novak clangs the resulting 49 yard field goal attempt. Can the Redskins ever get a clutch kicker (and is it too much to pray we can have one who can nail a 62 yarder outdoors with the game on the line)? Where's Mark Moseley when we need him?
* Alas, there was an uglier series of events for the burgundy and gold. Without a single second of the play clock expiring, the Redskins reminded their opponent that yes, you can beat us. Right after we beat ourselves. Antwaan Randle-El gave the Skins their first (and only) lead via an exciting touchdown return but earned a questionable 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct celebration penalty to be imposed on the kickoff. Sean Taylor commits an offisdes penalty on the kickoff attempt, backing up the play 5 more yards. Inexplicably, kicker Derrick Frost goes postal (what do kickers have to get that mad about?) and removes his helmet so that the referees can better hear him yelling about nothing. Tack on 15 more unportsmanlike conduct penalty yards and voila! You have the makings of a situation rarely seen. In fact, I've *never* seen a kickoff from the 5 yard line. Have you?
* The final view of the Redskins offense was perhaps the most pitiful, yet fitting of the day's performance. Down 33-14 with 4:36 remaining, the Redskins went no-huddle yet STILL took 4:23 minutes to go 70 yards. Why? Because they decided to throw short on every one of the nine passes Brunell attempted. Even the official NFL GameCenter called them "short." Moss and Portis sat on the sideline, dejected and injured, while Washington relied on Ladell Betts to move the football down the field and score a meaningless, fruitless touchdown. There was no celebrating, hardly a high five. And rightly so. The Redskins stank up the dome, and couldn't even earn a measure of respect in the process.
With the team listlessly sitting at 2-5, the inevitable question is whether to start Jason "The Future" Campbell against the remaining opponents. Right now, it's too painful to consider where to put the medicine with this team. But I will proffer that, in two weeks, if the Redskins lose at home to the Cowchips, we can officially end every glimmer of hope for this season and Campbell should get every remaining snap. Sigh.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Shades of 2000
Tennesee 25, Washington 22
More than 24 hours after the loss, the questions don't just linger, then haunt:
If I'm a coach, and my team's playing Washington, how soon before gametime do you break out the "Boys, the odds are good that one of you is going to have a career day like Chris Brown, Tiki Barber and Jared Allen speech?
In Redskins forums, the issue raised is whether to blame the offense's Coach Gibbs or the man calling the plays, Al Saunders. I'll see that question and raise you another: is this offense better off without Saunders?
Sure, it hurts to lose to a team that ESPN Radio predicted two weeks ago might go 0-16. And yeah, the cut's a little deeper when you were favored by double digits. But is there a worse feeling than doing all of that at home, with your best cornerback returned to the lineup, against a rookie quarterback, while simultaneously allowing a guy to run for nearly 180 yards?
Seems like it was a long, long time ago when the D.C. press heralded the incoming of Adam Archuleta, Brandon Lloyd and Antwaan Randle-El, doesn't it? Isn't the letdown eerily similar to the Mark Carrier/Bruce Smith/Deion Sanders/Jeff George All-Viagra team of 2000?
****
When the Redskins stink, as they appear to do right now, it's tough to open the ol' email inbox. Inevitably, somebody's left some smack there for me to read. Sure enough, there was this question, posed by my Cowchip-loving colleague, Mr. Lim:
Re: redskins... tough loss.
Did you enjoy the eagles loss?
Cunningly posed question, as it both inquires about a mutual opponent and completely dismisses the Redskins as competitive. Nonetheless, I responded:
As much as I like watching the enemies in the East falter, it was hard to enjoy anybody losing when my team loses to a team that's LOST EVERY GAME THEY'VE PLAYED. Sure, the Titans played the Colts tough the other week--I believe they call that parity. But by all rational preseason predictions, the Skins should have beaten the Vikes, Texans and Titans, maybe beaten the Giants and Cowchips, lost to the Jags. That would put Washington at a respectable 4-2 or 3-3. But I'd give up the Jags win for Vikes/Titans wins any day, even if
they meant the inevitable "but they haven't beaten anybody yet" arguments.
At this point, I'll take any positivity for this team.
****
Meanwhile, things are quiet in Baltimore after a knife-twisting loss to the Panthers at home in which the second best defense as skewered for more than 300 passing yards. Hearing the game on radio, I drew the conclusion that Kyle Boller, king of the Hail Mary pass, had a pretty good game in Steve McNair's spot. But on further review of the three touchdowns he threw, only one wasn't tipped by a defenseman--and that one was thrown to Todd Heap who was double covered! How many Immaculate Receptions can one guy create?
More than 24 hours after the loss, the questions don't just linger, then haunt:
If I'm a coach, and my team's playing Washington, how soon before gametime do you break out the "Boys, the odds are good that one of you is going to have a career day like Chris Brown, Tiki Barber and Jared Allen speech?
In Redskins forums, the issue raised is whether to blame the offense's Coach Gibbs or the man calling the plays, Al Saunders. I'll see that question and raise you another: is this offense better off without Saunders?
Sure, it hurts to lose to a team that ESPN Radio predicted two weeks ago might go 0-16. And yeah, the cut's a little deeper when you were favored by double digits. But is there a worse feeling than doing all of that at home, with your best cornerback returned to the lineup, against a rookie quarterback, while simultaneously allowing a guy to run for nearly 180 yards?
Seems like it was a long, long time ago when the D.C. press heralded the incoming of Adam Archuleta, Brandon Lloyd and Antwaan Randle-El, doesn't it? Isn't the letdown eerily similar to the Mark Carrier/Bruce Smith/Deion Sanders/Jeff George All-Viagra team of 2000?
****
When the Redskins stink, as they appear to do right now, it's tough to open the ol' email inbox. Inevitably, somebody's left some smack there for me to read. Sure enough, there was this question, posed by my Cowchip-loving colleague, Mr. Lim:
Re: redskins... tough loss.
Did you enjoy the eagles loss?
Cunningly posed question, as it both inquires about a mutual opponent and completely dismisses the Redskins as competitive. Nonetheless, I responded:
As much as I like watching the enemies in the East falter, it was hard to enjoy anybody losing when my team loses to a team that's LOST EVERY GAME THEY'VE PLAYED. Sure, the Titans played the Colts tough the other week--I believe they call that parity. But by all rational preseason predictions, the Skins should have beaten the Vikes, Texans and Titans, maybe beaten the Giants and Cowchips, lost to the Jags. That would put Washington at a respectable 4-2 or 3-3. But I'd give up the Jags win for Vikes/Titans wins any day, even if
they meant the inevitable "but they haven't beaten anybody yet" arguments.
At this point, I'll take any positivity for this team.
****
Meanwhile, things are quiet in Baltimore after a knife-twisting loss to the Panthers at home in which the second best defense as skewered for more than 300 passing yards. Hearing the game on radio, I drew the conclusion that Kyle Boller, king of the Hail Mary pass, had a pretty good game in Steve McNair's spot. But on further review of the three touchdowns he threw, only one wasn't tipped by a defenseman--and that one was thrown to Todd Heap who was double covered! How many Immaculate Receptions can one guy create?
Monday, October 09, 2006
Anyone Seen Last Week's Redskins?
Washington 3, New York Giants 19
Oy vey, this was a tough game to watch, and not just because the hulking Washington offense that posted more than 70 points and a gabillion yards in two weeks reverted into a feeble, three-point weakling Bruce Banner. No, this game was also a snore because, from beginning to end, the Redskins never looked like they had a legitimate chance to win this game. As a fan, you kept waiting for some big play (maybe try throwing a long forward pass to Santana Moss?) to happen, and...and...
[still waiting]
Reasonable minds might differ, but my biggest concern is with the Redskins defense. My boy BigWes argued that when you can keep a team under 20 points, your D has done its job. True, but this defense isn't supposed to be this porous, this lenient, this, dare I say, breakable. The Giants won the time of possession battle by nine minutes, but it sure felt like 20: they converted 9 of 16 third downs while Washington managed a poor 27% of theirs.
Every game has singularly critical moments that define the eventual outcome. On Sunday, there was a series of drives that, once finished were unofficial permission for you to turn off the TV and do yard work.
The score is 6-3, Giants. With 4:28 left in the second quarter, New York began a drive at their own 2 yard line. After a false start penalty, the Giants were left with the entire field to cover for a score. Over the next 4:22, Eli Manning and company covered 85 yards, converted three third downs and kicked a field goal to send the game into halftime.
The Giants receive the second half kickoff and begin their drive at their own 31. Who-dat running back Brandon Jacobs converts two third-and-shorts. With the ball on the Redskins' 26, facing 3rd and 16, Manning completes a pass to Amani Toomer for 21 yards. Two plays later, Plaxico Burress catches a touchdown. 13-3, Giants.
The Skins get the ball and mount their best drive of the day (which isn't saying much: they never cracked the opposing red zone). On third and one on the New York 24, rather than pound the ball up the middle with Dolemite--I mean, Clinton--Portis, Washington elects to have Mark Brunell attempt a pass into traffic, intended for Chris Cooley. This is the same Chris Cooley, mind you, who was the intended receiver on four out of five of the passes on this drive. The ball drops incomplete, and I begin yelling at the screen "Man up! Do not settle for a long field goal! Run the friggin' ball for ONE YARD! It's just ONE YARD!"
John Hall lines up for a 42-yard field goal. Shanked. I'm now holding my head in my hands and considering spending time with my in-laws.
Speaking of things that give a fan bubbling gas...
Unlike the Skins/Giants, Sunday's battle against the Philly Eagles (hard to call them the Egos when you-know-who's not on the sidelines) was one for the NFC East Classic video vault. Despite the look of the final score, Donovan McNabb's statistics, and Terrell Owens' lack of production, Dallas has every reason to feel confident that they could have won this game.
...Except that their quarterback is Drew Bledsoe. You know how its said that a single player can't make a team...but he can sure sink one? Drew is exhibit A. If I root for the Dallas Cowchips, the only reason I'm not calling for his immediate benching is because Tony Romo would then have to play quarterback. Oh, he was horrific. If it wasn't his statuesque posing in the pocket that led to seven sacks, it was him ignoring Owens for the first half, or one-hopping passes to other receivers. And then there were the interceptions. It's no secret that you can win if you pressure Bledsoe; how Dallas didn't compensate (they ran the ball well enough) by rolling him out is beyond me. If this game qualifies for NFL Replay honors, keep an eye out for Terry Glenn and T.O., independently shown, sighing and looking like they want to strangle Drew.
Yet, despite the play of the Dallas quarterback, the Eagles couldn't put this game away. Sure, they had some big throws to L.J. Smith and some guy named Baskett, but those were on blown coverages. The Philly run game was average, their passing attack was spotty. If I'm a Philly phan, I'm not feeling all that confident in my team. Even if they only have one loss.
Then again, as a Redskins fan, I have no idea which coaching staff and team will trot onto the field, week to week.
Oy vey, this was a tough game to watch, and not just because the hulking Washington offense that posted more than 70 points and a gabillion yards in two weeks reverted into a feeble, three-point weakling Bruce Banner. No, this game was also a snore because, from beginning to end, the Redskins never looked like they had a legitimate chance to win this game. As a fan, you kept waiting for some big play (maybe try throwing a long forward pass to Santana Moss?) to happen, and...and...
[still waiting]
Reasonable minds might differ, but my biggest concern is with the Redskins defense. My boy BigWes argued that when you can keep a team under 20 points, your D has done its job. True, but this defense isn't supposed to be this porous, this lenient, this, dare I say, breakable. The Giants won the time of possession battle by nine minutes, but it sure felt like 20: they converted 9 of 16 third downs while Washington managed a poor 27% of theirs.
Every game has singularly critical moments that define the eventual outcome. On Sunday, there was a series of drives that, once finished were unofficial permission for you to turn off the TV and do yard work.
The score is 6-3, Giants. With 4:28 left in the second quarter, New York began a drive at their own 2 yard line. After a false start penalty, the Giants were left with the entire field to cover for a score. Over the next 4:22, Eli Manning and company covered 85 yards, converted three third downs and kicked a field goal to send the game into halftime.
The Giants receive the second half kickoff and begin their drive at their own 31. Who-dat running back Brandon Jacobs converts two third-and-shorts. With the ball on the Redskins' 26, facing 3rd and 16, Manning completes a pass to Amani Toomer for 21 yards. Two plays later, Plaxico Burress catches a touchdown. 13-3, Giants.
The Skins get the ball and mount their best drive of the day (which isn't saying much: they never cracked the opposing red zone). On third and one on the New York 24, rather than pound the ball up the middle with Dolemite--I mean, Clinton--Portis, Washington elects to have Mark Brunell attempt a pass into traffic, intended for Chris Cooley. This is the same Chris Cooley, mind you, who was the intended receiver on four out of five of the passes on this drive. The ball drops incomplete, and I begin yelling at the screen "Man up! Do not settle for a long field goal! Run the friggin' ball for ONE YARD! It's just ONE YARD!"
John Hall lines up for a 42-yard field goal. Shanked. I'm now holding my head in my hands and considering spending time with my in-laws.
Speaking of things that give a fan bubbling gas...
Unlike the Skins/Giants, Sunday's battle against the Philly Eagles (hard to call them the Egos when you-know-who's not on the sidelines) was one for the NFC East Classic video vault. Despite the look of the final score, Donovan McNabb's statistics, and Terrell Owens' lack of production, Dallas has every reason to feel confident that they could have won this game.
...Except that their quarterback is Drew Bledsoe. You know how its said that a single player can't make a team...but he can sure sink one? Drew is exhibit A. If I root for the Dallas Cowchips, the only reason I'm not calling for his immediate benching is because Tony Romo would then have to play quarterback. Oh, he was horrific. If it wasn't his statuesque posing in the pocket that led to seven sacks, it was him ignoring Owens for the first half, or one-hopping passes to other receivers. And then there were the interceptions. It's no secret that you can win if you pressure Bledsoe; how Dallas didn't compensate (they ran the ball well enough) by rolling him out is beyond me. If this game qualifies for NFL Replay honors, keep an eye out for Terry Glenn and T.O., independently shown, sighing and looking like they want to strangle Drew.
Yet, despite the play of the Dallas quarterback, the Eagles couldn't put this game away. Sure, they had some big throws to L.J. Smith and some guy named Baskett, but those were on blown coverages. The Philly run game was average, their passing attack was spotty. If I'm a Philly phan, I'm not feeling all that confident in my team. Even if they only have one loss.
Then again, as a Redskins fan, I have no idea which coaching staff and team will trot onto the field, week to week.
Friday, October 06, 2006
He's Gone! Moss is Gone! (24th Viewing)
Gentle readers, in light of my inability to watch much of the Skins/Jaguars original broadcast, allow me to present to you the analysis of a gentlemen I call Herbs. He's one of those fanatic, dress-like-an-idiot-on-gameday diehards who outfit their unwitting infant sons in burgundy and gold. When the Redskins lose, he is unapproachable by family. Herbs has been known to get into juvenile, finger-pointing shouting matches with drunk Dallas fans.
He is my brother, and I couldn't be more proud. In an email to me this week, he offered these thoughts on Sunday's win:
The ‘skins are now #3 in total offense for the NFL. They are #4 in time of possession in the NFL. Now if that ain’t a sign of good things to come…
Total offense shows that Al Saunder’s offense is starting to click, especially when you consider how lackluster the first two games were, and how that probably dragged their stats down. I have the OT period on TIVO, and have watched it no less than 5 times this week, and seeing Santana catch that pass, and hearing the crowd ramp up to a deafening roar as he started sprinting down the sidelines, still gives me goosebumps. In all likelihood, our offensive prayers have been answered. Now, if Gregg Williams can get the defense, currently middle-o-the-pack 15th, motivated (and still have a shot of taking over as the ‘skins head coach when Gibbs does Retirement #2), we will look a lot like the Bears do now. And be a Super Bowl contender by December. You heard it here first – as long as Portis is healthy, Brunell is healthy, and we have a minimum of two of our receivers excelling (between Moss, Randle El, Lloyd, and Cooley – we’ve got a glut, I think David Patten is the new coordinator of the Redskin cheerleaders), I can’t see why we can’t contend for the big game.
I will admit that, since Monday, I've seen Moss' touchdown no less than 10 times. I finally caught the overtime on the ten minute NFL On Demand recap, and got to enjoy Larry Michaels screaming "He's gone! He's gone! He's gone!" until I had my fill.
By the way, has anyone determined why Sam Huff is still on the broadcast team? I respect that the's a Redskin legend, but he exclaimed that #47 Chris Cooley was hurt trying to make a tackle on defense (it was really #41 Curry Burns); and then he almost ruined the moment of Moss' winning score by saying "that's his second one!" when everyone who watched the last three hours of football knew it was his third. His wisdom on a long Jaguars touchdown pass was summed up with "you live by the blitz, you die by the blitz." Thanks for the insight, Sam. Does he have blackmail pictures of Dan Snyder shining Jerry Jones' shoes or something?
I recorded the NFL Network Replay of the game and was pretty impressed: it's the entire game, minus timeouts and worthless plays, straight from the network broadcast. Plus you get insightful, postgame conference nuggets from the players and coaches after big plays. I immediately fast forwarded to the overtime period and watched Santana's catch and run three or four times there, basking in the hysteria of the crowd as they realized that Moss had broken free of the double team and was headed for glory.
And then, when it was rebroadcast in the middle of Thursday afternoon, I watched it again. And again. It was just that great a moment. If ever there was a moment when the stadium police should have allowed fans to run onto the field, like a high school beating its homecoming rival, that was it. "Oh my! Down go the goalposts!" Dick Enberg would say...
That said, the Redskins have some issues which they had best address come Sunday in their NFC East battle with Sabado Gigante. Principally I'd be concerned about the defense. Herbs is right--the offense is clicking enough that they should be able to adjust their attack to whatever the Giants D allows. But nearly every team this season has been able to beat the defense to convert critical 3rd downs, and what's worse, do so with big plays. Defensive coach Gregg Williams seemed satisfied with Sunday's performance, excusing the long Jaguars gains with "we sometimes played too aggressively." I'll agree. Shawn Taylor was an absolute monster on the field, making his presence known with teeth-rattling hits to Jacksonville receivers. But he can also take horrible pursuit angles, as he did on Maurice Jones-Drew's long touchdown scamper. Meanwhile, cornerback Kenny Wright sometimes looks like the second coming of Ade Jimoh, getting burned on curl routes near the sidelines.
So if I'm gameplanning against Washington, I'd prepare for safety blitzes up the middle from Archuletta or Taylor with dump off screens to Barber. If I'm the Redskins, I would fake my blitzes early, then attempt delayed blitzes, then in the third quarter, return to the standard attack.
But this should be a great game, as most NFC East battles tend to be. The other East game should be good, too, but contains 87% more drama with the T.O./Philadelphia reunion. With the Giants, Eagles, Skins and Cowchips being so evenly matched, the only way to ascend to the crown is to win your divisional road games. Here's to hoping Washington can pull it off.
He is my brother, and I couldn't be more proud. In an email to me this week, he offered these thoughts on Sunday's win:
The ‘skins are now #3 in total offense for the NFL. They are #4 in time of possession in the NFL. Now if that ain’t a sign of good things to come…
Total offense shows that Al Saunder’s offense is starting to click, especially when you consider how lackluster the first two games were, and how that probably dragged their stats down. I have the OT period on TIVO, and have watched it no less than 5 times this week, and seeing Santana catch that pass, and hearing the crowd ramp up to a deafening roar as he started sprinting down the sidelines, still gives me goosebumps. In all likelihood, our offensive prayers have been answered. Now, if Gregg Williams can get the defense, currently middle-o-the-pack 15th, motivated (and still have a shot of taking over as the ‘skins head coach when Gibbs does Retirement #2), we will look a lot like the Bears do now. And be a Super Bowl contender by December. You heard it here first – as long as Portis is healthy, Brunell is healthy, and we have a minimum of two of our receivers excelling (between Moss, Randle El, Lloyd, and Cooley – we’ve got a glut, I think David Patten is the new coordinator of the Redskin cheerleaders), I can’t see why we can’t contend for the big game.
I will admit that, since Monday, I've seen Moss' touchdown no less than 10 times. I finally caught the overtime on the ten minute NFL On Demand recap, and got to enjoy Larry Michaels screaming "He's gone! He's gone! He's gone!" until I had my fill.
By the way, has anyone determined why Sam Huff is still on the broadcast team? I respect that the's a Redskin legend, but he exclaimed that #47 Chris Cooley was hurt trying to make a tackle on defense (it was really #41 Curry Burns); and then he almost ruined the moment of Moss' winning score by saying "that's his second one!" when everyone who watched the last three hours of football knew it was his third. His wisdom on a long Jaguars touchdown pass was summed up with "you live by the blitz, you die by the blitz." Thanks for the insight, Sam. Does he have blackmail pictures of Dan Snyder shining Jerry Jones' shoes or something?
I recorded the NFL Network Replay of the game and was pretty impressed: it's the entire game, minus timeouts and worthless plays, straight from the network broadcast. Plus you get insightful, postgame conference nuggets from the players and coaches after big plays. I immediately fast forwarded to the overtime period and watched Santana's catch and run three or four times there, basking in the hysteria of the crowd as they realized that Moss had broken free of the double team and was headed for glory.
And then, when it was rebroadcast in the middle of Thursday afternoon, I watched it again. And again. It was just that great a moment. If ever there was a moment when the stadium police should have allowed fans to run onto the field, like a high school beating its homecoming rival, that was it. "Oh my! Down go the goalposts!" Dick Enberg would say...
That said, the Redskins have some issues which they had best address come Sunday in their NFC East battle with Sabado Gigante. Principally I'd be concerned about the defense. Herbs is right--the offense is clicking enough that they should be able to adjust their attack to whatever the Giants D allows. But nearly every team this season has been able to beat the defense to convert critical 3rd downs, and what's worse, do so with big plays. Defensive coach Gregg Williams seemed satisfied with Sunday's performance, excusing the long Jaguars gains with "we sometimes played too aggressively." I'll agree. Shawn Taylor was an absolute monster on the field, making his presence known with teeth-rattling hits to Jacksonville receivers. But he can also take horrible pursuit angles, as he did on Maurice Jones-Drew's long touchdown scamper. Meanwhile, cornerback Kenny Wright sometimes looks like the second coming of Ade Jimoh, getting burned on curl routes near the sidelines.
So if I'm gameplanning against Washington, I'd prepare for safety blitzes up the middle from Archuletta or Taylor with dump off screens to Barber. If I'm the Redskins, I would fake my blitzes early, then attempt delayed blitzes, then in the third quarter, return to the standard attack.
But this should be a great game, as most NFC East battles tend to be. The other East game should be good, too, but contains 87% more drama with the T.O./Philadelphia reunion. With the Giants, Eagles, Skins and Cowchips being so evenly matched, the only way to ascend to the crown is to win your divisional road games. Here's to hoping Washington can pull it off.
Monday, October 02, 2006
We Won...Right?
Well, for the second week in a row, I have managed to completely miss the substantive portion of a triumphant Redskins win. Last week, when the Skins toasted the Texans, I was hustling around town with friends from out of town (how dare they not be football fans) and I forgot to set my Comcastic! DVR. Used to be that I'd record NFL Primetime and be satisfied. But Berman and Jackson have been banished to the netherworld of midnight NFL highlights, replaced with fifteen inferior highlight shows. So I missed just about all of the Texans' game.
On Sunday, with Washington pulling off a exciting, gutsy victory over the playoff-caliber Jacksonville Jaguars, I again found myself distant from football. Quality time with the Mrs. But this time, I was ready: I set my recorder to capture every minute of yesterday's action...little did I realize that the game went into OVERTIME and Santana Moss provided some post-7:00PM heroics.
I haven't reviewed the recording, but I pray that there weren't too many commercials, injury time outs and penalties. Maybe I got fortunate and can postumously enjoy every scintillating minue. The game was so good that the NFL Network has decided to feature it on Wednesday's broadcast of NFL Replay. I'm so happy that I can ignore those poorly-lip-synched commercials with Chad Johnson and Jeremy Shockey.
It's odd that I have been able to see more of the Ravens' play than the Redskins'. And I like what I see: a defense showing shades of 2000, clutch special teams play, and an offense that, frankly, doesn't screw up too much. It's crazy to say, but if Steve McNair isn't under center this season, 9 out of 10 doctors agree that the Ravens would be sitting at 1-3, possibly 0-for-everything. That's how much better this team is when Kyle Boller's riding pine.
Week after week, McNair runs an efficient, if mediocre, offense for three quarters, and then when the game hangs in the balance, he completes 80% of his passes and scrambles for crucial 3rd down conversions. On Sunday, against the Chargers' top-3 defense, he broke tackles, threw strikes, and found the winning points. All without a timeout. He ain't great, but he's gold when it counts, and he's this season's early favorite for Comeback Player of the Year.
More on the Skins--and the on-again/off-again greatness that is Mark Brunell coming as soon as I watch the broadcast.
On Sunday, with Washington pulling off a exciting, gutsy victory over the playoff-caliber Jacksonville Jaguars, I again found myself distant from football. Quality time with the Mrs. But this time, I was ready: I set my recorder to capture every minute of yesterday's action...little did I realize that the game went into OVERTIME and Santana Moss provided some post-7:00PM heroics.
I haven't reviewed the recording, but I pray that there weren't too many commercials, injury time outs and penalties. Maybe I got fortunate and can postumously enjoy every scintillating minue. The game was so good that the NFL Network has decided to feature it on Wednesday's broadcast of NFL Replay. I'm so happy that I can ignore those poorly-lip-synched commercials with Chad Johnson and Jeremy Shockey.
It's odd that I have been able to see more of the Ravens' play than the Redskins'. And I like what I see: a defense showing shades of 2000, clutch special teams play, and an offense that, frankly, doesn't screw up too much. It's crazy to say, but if Steve McNair isn't under center this season, 9 out of 10 doctors agree that the Ravens would be sitting at 1-3, possibly 0-for-everything. That's how much better this team is when Kyle Boller's riding pine.
Week after week, McNair runs an efficient, if mediocre, offense for three quarters, and then when the game hangs in the balance, he completes 80% of his passes and scrambles for crucial 3rd down conversions. On Sunday, against the Chargers' top-3 defense, he broke tackles, threw strikes, and found the winning points. All without a timeout. He ain't great, but he's gold when it counts, and he's this season's early favorite for Comeback Player of the Year.
More on the Skins--and the on-again/off-again greatness that is Mark Brunell coming as soon as I watch the broadcast.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Dead In Dallas
Let the finger pointing begin.
As the conclusion Sunday night's Debacle in Dallas became clear, Al Michaels and John Madden began the inevitable "what's the problem here?" analysis of the 2006 Washington Redskins. Al asked whether the team's lethargic performance was due to conservative play calling, or a failure to pressure Drew "The Statue" Bledsoe, or just the lack of their feature running back. (Chris Collinsworth, one my personal favorite analysts, termed this absence "ClintonPortislessness." You gotta love Chris.) Sir John Madden pontificated that Washington inexplicably didn't get the ball to its playmakers--Santana Moss, Chris Cooley, and Antwaan Randle-El--until the game was practically over. The EA Sports pitchman took his criticism a step further, claiming that Washington had the wrong personnel on offense. Ouch. He quickly clarified that he wasn't talking about *everyone* on offense. Just the quarterback.
On this Monday morning, with the loss' wound still fresh, it's easy to jump on the BenchMark (c) bandwagon and throw Brunell under the wheels. But I won't. Completely. In fact, I'll agree with nearly everything yesterday's broadcasters offered. Except that silliness about the wrong personnel.
The truth is that last night's Redskins played uninspired, ineffective, embarassing football indicative of their current position at the bottom of the NFC East. As I saw it, the Redskins were outcoached and outplayed. In that order. Offensive coach Al Saunders' gameplan, apparently, was to rely on the running backs to get the majority of the touches. Moss, Cooley, Randle-El, and wideout Brandon Lloyd each had *one catch* through the first three quarters. There were less than 100 yards of forward passing by that same point. By contrast, Peyton Manning threw for 100 yards while eating breakfast Sunday morning. By Theismann's perm, that's inexcusable. And when receivers were open, Brunell wasn't accurate; his only deep throw (garbage time excepted) was a Kyle Boller Hail Mary Special, easily intercepted by Roy Williams in the red zone.
Sure, the team misses Portis. But is this offense that uncreative without him? The Skins have one trick play in the 700-page playbook, and we saw it twice: the end around/fake end around. Total yards gained: none. Where were the screen passes to Moss to beat the constant blitzing? How about a Randle-El option pass? Did Saunders really think that the Dallas defense would bite on a draw play when Washington hadn't completed a pass for 20 yards to a wide receiver?
But hey, maybe the offense's plan was to rely on the defense. Good idea, except that defensive coach Gregg Williams' plan was to (1) give Bledsoe until four Mississippi to pass, (2) not worry about any offenive player not named "Terrell" and (3) play with reckless, penalty-producing abandon. That's the best I've come up with, because the Cowchips looked virtually unstoppable for much of the game. The fans knew it, too: they lustily booed when yet another first half drive ended with an open receiver dropping a pass. To their credit, the Redskins tackled well and were aggressive. But that was *after* the third down completion.
Two weeks into the season, Brunell's not looking like a 16-game starter. Moss isn't being given the opportunity to shine. The defensive line doesn't dictate. The secondary is vulnerable in its ShawnSpringslessness. But it's not time to panic. For now, some caution and concern are in order.
You push the Panic Button when you lose to the Houston Texans.
As the conclusion Sunday night's Debacle in Dallas became clear, Al Michaels and John Madden began the inevitable "what's the problem here?" analysis of the 2006 Washington Redskins. Al asked whether the team's lethargic performance was due to conservative play calling, or a failure to pressure Drew "The Statue" Bledsoe, or just the lack of their feature running back. (Chris Collinsworth, one my personal favorite analysts, termed this absence "ClintonPortislessness." You gotta love Chris.) Sir John Madden pontificated that Washington inexplicably didn't get the ball to its playmakers--Santana Moss, Chris Cooley, and Antwaan Randle-El--until the game was practically over. The EA Sports pitchman took his criticism a step further, claiming that Washington had the wrong personnel on offense. Ouch. He quickly clarified that he wasn't talking about *everyone* on offense. Just the quarterback.
On this Monday morning, with the loss' wound still fresh, it's easy to jump on the BenchMark (c) bandwagon and throw Brunell under the wheels. But I won't. Completely. In fact, I'll agree with nearly everything yesterday's broadcasters offered. Except that silliness about the wrong personnel.
The truth is that last night's Redskins played uninspired, ineffective, embarassing football indicative of their current position at the bottom of the NFC East. As I saw it, the Redskins were outcoached and outplayed. In that order. Offensive coach Al Saunders' gameplan, apparently, was to rely on the running backs to get the majority of the touches. Moss, Cooley, Randle-El, and wideout Brandon Lloyd each had *one catch* through the first three quarters. There were less than 100 yards of forward passing by that same point. By contrast, Peyton Manning threw for 100 yards while eating breakfast Sunday morning. By Theismann's perm, that's inexcusable. And when receivers were open, Brunell wasn't accurate; his only deep throw (garbage time excepted) was a Kyle Boller Hail Mary Special, easily intercepted by Roy Williams in the red zone.
Sure, the team misses Portis. But is this offense that uncreative without him? The Skins have one trick play in the 700-page playbook, and we saw it twice: the end around/fake end around. Total yards gained: none. Where were the screen passes to Moss to beat the constant blitzing? How about a Randle-El option pass? Did Saunders really think that the Dallas defense would bite on a draw play when Washington hadn't completed a pass for 20 yards to a wide receiver?
But hey, maybe the offense's plan was to rely on the defense. Good idea, except that defensive coach Gregg Williams' plan was to (1) give Bledsoe until four Mississippi to pass, (2) not worry about any offenive player not named "Terrell" and (3) play with reckless, penalty-producing abandon. That's the best I've come up with, because the Cowchips looked virtually unstoppable for much of the game. The fans knew it, too: they lustily booed when yet another first half drive ended with an open receiver dropping a pass. To their credit, the Redskins tackled well and were aggressive. But that was *after* the third down completion.
Two weeks into the season, Brunell's not looking like a 16-game starter. Moss isn't being given the opportunity to shine. The defensive line doesn't dictate. The secondary is vulnerable in its ShawnSpringslessness. But it's not time to panic. For now, some caution and concern are in order.
You push the Panic Button when you lose to the Houston Texans.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Knee-Jerk Reactions, Week One
It had to happen sometime. The combination of my work, church, and home lives took their toll and I had to step away from Hog Heaven. It was fun while it lasted. What I found, as I wrote less about my beloved Redskins, was that there was an itch that wouldn't stop asking to be scratched.
And so I will continue to cover the Redskins and NFL action as time permits here, at the original home for snarky, well-informed football coverage, The Redskins Review.
Let's get right to it, with this week's Knee-Jerk Reactions.
The good news for Washington fans is that no, the Al Saunders offense isn't nearly as inept as it seemed during the preseason. The long-awaited unveiling of the Redskins' new offensive scheme showed some sparks as Mark Brunell was able to find Antwaan Randle-El and Santana Moss for 8 receptions and more than 100 yards. Coach Janky Spanky even made a cameo, delighting the home crowd with a touchdown and nearly 40 yards.
The downside? The equally-anticipated Gregg Williams defense looked porous up the middle, committed costly penalties and the secondary (*cough*CarlosRogers*cough*) allowed game-changing big receptions. Minnesota quarterback Brad Johnson at times looked like the man from years ago who led the Skins to the playoffs. There was some concern among the Redskins faithful that the defense looked vulnerable during the 0-4 preseason. It's far to early to judge that as valid, but the Vikings' last drive toward the winning field goal certainly is cause for concern.
Despite last night's mediocre performance, this is still a sound, competitive Washington team. At least, they better be for their next prime-time performance, this Sunday night versus the Dallas Cowchips.
Speaking of the ladies in silver, blue and paisley stars, the knee-jerk reaction here is simple: Drew Bledsoe, you are the weakest link. For their part, Julius Jones, Terrell Owens, and the offensive line played admirably against the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sunday. But in a tight, hard-fought game, Bledsoe looked to be terminally inaccurate. When the Jaguars were down in the first half, the Cowchps couldn't move the ball effectively enough to gain a comfortable lead. Don't tell anybody I said so, but Dallas has real playoff potential. But my immediate reaction on Sunday (after cheering a Cowchip loss) was "man, Big D might be in trouble if Bledsoe's starting and their alternative is named Tony Romo."
Much to the chagrin of all Redskins fans living in Baltimore, it appears that the Ravens are a team to be respected. So long as Kyle Boller's not under center. The Era of Steve McNair got off to a picture-perfect start against Tampa Bay. He wasn't always sharp, but he was in command, he was comfortable, and he can still break tackles when he scrambles. When it comes to Ray Lewis and Company, you expect quality. You don't expect them to blank playoff teams on the road. But that's what they did--with authority--while the offense played well enough to eat the clock and frustrate a very good Buccaneers defense. Ever silver cloud has a dark lining, so B-more fans should pray every week that McNair doesn't get hurt. Boller came in during Garbage Time and got a delay of game penalty, fumbled twice, and made some handoffs. Rich Gannon, giving booth commentary, virtually called him a dimwit.
Lost in the analysis of Sunday's NFL action is the creeping reality that the Miami Dolphins just might be a good team. They took it to the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers for three quarters. Unfortunately, the league had mandated FOUR quarters for each game. But for most of the contest, Daunte Culpepper, Reggie Brown and their defensive line looked better than competitive: they looked like winners. That was, until their secondary got porous and sloppy and their quarterback suddenly lost receivers in the lights. Just as with the Jags/Cowchips (and Bills/Patriots), you really have to kick a great team when they're down. For instance, don't give them free third down conversions with illegal contact penalties.
Today's knee-jerk fantasy tip: if you don't have Dolphins wideout/kick returner Wes Welker on your free agent pickup, you're missing out on one of the season's sleepers. You're reading it here first.
Last but not least, my knee-jerk reaction to the CBS/ESPN/NBC broadcasts this weekend is thusly: bring back last season. It just doesn't feel right, having ESPN hosting Monday Night Football, or Buck and Aikman without Cris Collinsworth, or James Brown chuckling it up with Shannon Sharpe and Dan Marino on CBS. (Who is that Black guy playing straight man to Terry, Howie, and Jimmy Johnson?) You can't manufacture interpersonal chemistry. And can we find one simple format for displaying down, yardage, score, and a ticker between the stations? Hey, maybe we don't *need* to know every other game's score constantly. We've already got multiple Game Breaks--why not update us then? Or take it back to the 80s when they'd take 30 seconds and fill the screen with every game played and its score. Is that so hard? Do I have to own a widescreen hi-def TV to see all of the action on the field?
Oh, and if the league could kill those horribly unfunny Coors Light pseudo-press conference commercials, that's be great. Thanks.
And so I will continue to cover the Redskins and NFL action as time permits here, at the original home for snarky, well-informed football coverage, The Redskins Review.
Let's get right to it, with this week's Knee-Jerk Reactions.
The good news for Washington fans is that no, the Al Saunders offense isn't nearly as inept as it seemed during the preseason. The long-awaited unveiling of the Redskins' new offensive scheme showed some sparks as Mark Brunell was able to find Antwaan Randle-El and Santana Moss for 8 receptions and more than 100 yards. Coach Janky Spanky even made a cameo, delighting the home crowd with a touchdown and nearly 40 yards.
The downside? The equally-anticipated Gregg Williams defense looked porous up the middle, committed costly penalties and the secondary (*cough*CarlosRogers*cough*) allowed game-changing big receptions. Minnesota quarterback Brad Johnson at times looked like the man from years ago who led the Skins to the playoffs. There was some concern among the Redskins faithful that the defense looked vulnerable during the 0-4 preseason. It's far to early to judge that as valid, but the Vikings' last drive toward the winning field goal certainly is cause for concern.
Despite last night's mediocre performance, this is still a sound, competitive Washington team. At least, they better be for their next prime-time performance, this Sunday night versus the Dallas Cowchips.
Speaking of the ladies in silver, blue and paisley stars, the knee-jerk reaction here is simple: Drew Bledsoe, you are the weakest link. For their part, Julius Jones, Terrell Owens, and the offensive line played admirably against the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sunday. But in a tight, hard-fought game, Bledsoe looked to be terminally inaccurate. When the Jaguars were down in the first half, the Cowchps couldn't move the ball effectively enough to gain a comfortable lead. Don't tell anybody I said so, but Dallas has real playoff potential. But my immediate reaction on Sunday (after cheering a Cowchip loss) was "man, Big D might be in trouble if Bledsoe's starting and their alternative is named Tony Romo."
Much to the chagrin of all Redskins fans living in Baltimore, it appears that the Ravens are a team to be respected. So long as Kyle Boller's not under center. The Era of Steve McNair got off to a picture-perfect start against Tampa Bay. He wasn't always sharp, but he was in command, he was comfortable, and he can still break tackles when he scrambles. When it comes to Ray Lewis and Company, you expect quality. You don't expect them to blank playoff teams on the road. But that's what they did--with authority--while the offense played well enough to eat the clock and frustrate a very good Buccaneers defense. Ever silver cloud has a dark lining, so B-more fans should pray every week that McNair doesn't get hurt. Boller came in during Garbage Time and got a delay of game penalty, fumbled twice, and made some handoffs. Rich Gannon, giving booth commentary, virtually called him a dimwit.
Lost in the analysis of Sunday's NFL action is the creeping reality that the Miami Dolphins just might be a good team. They took it to the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers for three quarters. Unfortunately, the league had mandated FOUR quarters for each game. But for most of the contest, Daunte Culpepper, Reggie Brown and their defensive line looked better than competitive: they looked like winners. That was, until their secondary got porous and sloppy and their quarterback suddenly lost receivers in the lights. Just as with the Jags/Cowchips (and Bills/Patriots), you really have to kick a great team when they're down. For instance, don't give them free third down conversions with illegal contact penalties.
Today's knee-jerk fantasy tip: if you don't have Dolphins wideout/kick returner Wes Welker on your free agent pickup, you're missing out on one of the season's sleepers. You're reading it here first.
Last but not least, my knee-jerk reaction to the CBS/ESPN/NBC broadcasts this weekend is thusly: bring back last season. It just doesn't feel right, having ESPN hosting Monday Night Football, or Buck and Aikman without Cris Collinsworth, or James Brown chuckling it up with Shannon Sharpe and Dan Marino on CBS. (Who is that Black guy playing straight man to Terry, Howie, and Jimmy Johnson?) You can't manufacture interpersonal chemistry. And can we find one simple format for displaying down, yardage, score, and a ticker between the stations? Hey, maybe we don't *need* to know every other game's score constantly. We've already got multiple Game Breaks--why not update us then? Or take it back to the 80s when they'd take 30 seconds and fill the screen with every game played and its score. Is that so hard? Do I have to own a widescreen hi-def TV to see all of the action on the field?
Oh, and if the league could kill those horribly unfunny Coors Light pseudo-press conference commercials, that's be great. Thanks.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Dare One Dream?
~~One of the best parts of the Redskins beating Philly and making the playoffs is the ability for Redskins fans far and wide to be able to silence the friends and coworkers who tease Redskins fans for their perennial high hopes in the offseason. I can't tell you how many times a Dallas, Baltimore, or New York Giants fan has rolled their eyes and poo-pooed my April optimism in the Redskins. Now, finally, I can sing "Hail to the Playoffs" for five or six days. I invite you, Washington Redskins fans, to join me in the same.
~~In other news, The Washington Post has recently instituted a cool little survey at the top of their article pages that one can click and the the votes are immediately calculated. Today's link, found at the top of the lead article on Washington's win, asks this probing query: Which wild card is most likely to advance past the first round? Jaguars -- Panthers -- Redskins -- Steelers. Two thousand votes later, guess which team Washington Post readers think has a 76% chance of advancing? Hmm...
~~There's one other thing I noted while writing this week's Hog Heaven, and I don't believe anyone else, except maybe the crazy diehards at ExtremeSkins.com, has noticed: when the Redskins win their all-white uniforms, they don't lose. That's right. Look at the team as they swept through the NFC East, the Cardinals and the Rams. Barry White on Betty White. I was so shocked by this sweeping revelation that I double checked the Washington Post and the NFL's official photos. Seeing how the Bucs tend to wear their red shirt/pewter pants combination, how can the Redskins lose on Saturday? My medicore Photoshop skills tell it all:
~~Last, but not least, it's funny how life can change in just a short few months. As a quasi-accredited member of the NFL media, I have the opportunity to dig around the NFL's media site. They have a section where one can request credentials to such cool events like Owner's Meetings, Hall of Fame ceremonies, the Pro Bowl, and, of course, the Super Bowl. There's no cost and, like Mom used to say, the worst they can say is "no."
So felling a wee full of myself, I sent in my request for week-long credentials for Super Bowl XL back in September, hoping that I could scrounge up a pass that Mike Tice hasn't scalped. Via email, I received the following response:
Dear Jeffrey: We have received your request for credentials to Super Bowl XL on Sunday, February 05, 2006 in Detroit. We will be pleased to consider your application if the following team(s) advance to this year's NFL title game: Washington Redskins.
Thank you for your interest and best wishes.
Leslie Hammond Director of Media Services
At the time, Washington was 3-1 or so but hardly postseason material. That was then, and now we're three wins from going to Detroit. If wasn't a bleeding-burgundy-and-gold fan BEFORE...
~~Hurrah! Gregg Williams is staying in Washington! You know what that means: Joe Gibbs has a worthy successor for the 2007 season! Now, let's focus on the Pirates of Pewter Pants.
~~In other news, The Washington Post has recently instituted a cool little survey at the top of their article pages that one can click and the the votes are immediately calculated. Today's link, found at the top of the lead article on Washington's win, asks this probing query: Which wild card is most likely to advance past the first round? Jaguars -- Panthers -- Redskins -- Steelers. Two thousand votes later, guess which team Washington Post readers think has a 76% chance of advancing? Hmm...
~~There's one other thing I noted while writing this week's Hog Heaven, and I don't believe anyone else, except maybe the crazy diehards at ExtremeSkins.com, has noticed: when the Redskins win their all-white uniforms, they don't lose. That's right. Look at the team as they swept through the NFC East, the Cardinals and the Rams. Barry White on Betty White. I was so shocked by this sweeping revelation that I double checked the Washington Post and the NFL's official photos. Seeing how the Bucs tend to wear their red shirt/pewter pants combination, how can the Redskins lose on Saturday? My medicore Photoshop skills tell it all:
~~Last, but not least, it's funny how life can change in just a short few months. As a quasi-accredited member of the NFL media, I have the opportunity to dig around the NFL's media site. They have a section where one can request credentials to such cool events like Owner's Meetings, Hall of Fame ceremonies, the Pro Bowl, and, of course, the Super Bowl. There's no cost and, like Mom used to say, the worst they can say is "no."
So felling a wee full of myself, I sent in my request for week-long credentials for Super Bowl XL back in September, hoping that I could scrounge up a pass that Mike Tice hasn't scalped. Via email, I received the following response:
Dear Jeffrey: We have received your request for credentials to Super Bowl XL on Sunday, February 05, 2006 in Detroit. We will be pleased to consider your application if the following team(s) advance to this year's NFL title game: Washington Redskins.
Thank you for your interest and best wishes.
Leslie Hammond Director of Media Services
At the time, Washington was 3-1 or so but hardly postseason material. That was then, and now we're three wins from going to Detroit. If wasn't a bleeding-burgundy-and-gold fan BEFORE...
~~Hurrah! Gregg Williams is staying in Washington! You know what that means: Joe Gibbs has a worthy successor for the 2007 season! Now, let's focus on the Pirates of Pewter Pants.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Basking in the Afterglow
As the final score of Dallas Dallas 
Former Cowboy Emmitt Smith, at the NFL Network studios, couldn't bear to read the results over the air. We know, these wounds run deep. Don't forget: you have those five Lombardis in the lobby!
It was a rare and wondrous treat. No flukes, no last minute blown coverages, no excuses. The Redskins won fair ‘n square in the worst beatdown of the 45-year old rivalry.
Sure, it may not have been particularly “sporting” or in concert with the widely accepted definition of “sportsmanship” for me to throw salt and cracked pepper in the wounds of the Cowchip Faithful; certainly it wasn’t very nice of the Public Address Crew at the stadium to continually play “Mama, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys” during Dallas’ futile final drive.
But these are the moments that solidify the status as Greatest Rivalry in the NFL, as Sports Illustrated noted last week. It's George Allen firing up his 1972 Redskins for their championship game against Dallas with a well-timed f-bomb, it's Troy Aikman hitting Rocket Ismail in 1999 for a overtime-winning 76-yard touchdown, and it's Daryl Grant intercepting Gary Hogeboom in 1982 and high-stepping into the end zone. And now we have the 2005 games, instant classics in a battle that spans generations.
By the way, I just LOVE how some Dallas fans, via the anonymous safety of Internet commentary, find lukewarm comfort despite the game's outcome. One poster (poser?) offered this rebuttal to my happiness: I know you skins fans are happy to finally sweep us (after getting swept all those 7 years by us)…but the season is not over my fiend (not a typo). But you are right Bill (Parcells) and Jerry (Jones) are both crying their eyes out all over the Cowboy’s 5 (count 'em) Lombardi trophies! ….That is what counts.
As tempting as it was to pass along the number to a great anger management counselor (plus an English major), I offered the following: I love how some Dallas fans want to suddenly minimize this playoff-implication/avoid the sweep/decades-old rivalry game now that their team didn’t bother getting off the bus. I’m sure the last thing on Parcells and Jones’ minds are those trophies in the Cowchip lobby. Don’t kid yourself.
The responsible
Quit the gloating and be afraid. Be very afraid.
God bless the Internet.
If there is one day, nay, one week for Redskins fans to stick their chest out proudly, it is now. Regrettably, it’s been so long since we dominated
No, this wasn't from Sunday, but from the Cincinnati pre-season game. Just seemed appropriate. Kids, don't drink alcohol. Our read t-shirts.
The FOX production crew ought to be ashamed of this, the first use of IN/SYNC that night, to show a Dallas fan missing his team going down 35-0 in the third quarter. Even after the cheers, he didn't budge. Kids, did I already mention the dangers of alcohol?
A classic shot worthy of desktop wallpaper, home office decoration, and Christmas ornaments.
Former Cowboy Emmitt Smith, at the NFL Network studios, couldn't bear to read the results over the air. We know, these wounds run deep. Don't forget: you have those five Lombardis in the lobby!Sunday, December 18, 2005
Who Knew It Could Be Sweeter?
Dallas 7, Washington 35
Holy smokes! Not only did we sweep "America's Team," but we took them to the FedEx woodshed and stripped them of their very manhood!
Who knew that the feeling that we Redskins fans knew back in September could be more than replicated but surpassed in such beautiful fashion!
While it would have been great to watch the game live, the FOX broadcast had its share of golden moments:
* Keyshawn resurrected the "Just Throw Me the #$@@ Ball" face after only the second drive of the day. He was livid at someone, likely kicker Billy Cundiff who missed a 38-yard field goal. It's never a good sign when your receivers are complaining in the first quarter.
*The Bll Parcells Cavalcade of Facial Expressions. His eye-cutting at Terrance "Beat Me Deep!" Newman sliced right through him and when Cundiff tried to sit down after his miss, Parcells, like any good mother figure, let him know that his seat was over there. By himself. Pure comedy. Otherwise, Ol' Bill stood stoically on the sidelines, stone-faced, trying not to let the world know that he was watching his house burn down with his John Lennon-signed autograph still inside. Meanwhile, during the first half, FOX showed Gibbs' NASCAR driver Tony Stewart on the Skins' sidelines and I dunno what was running through his mind, but he apparently left some wedding pictures in Parcell's burning house. Fortunately, he looked more alert in a fourth quarter shot.
* You knew this was a Rivalry Game when John Hall, a place kicker, for crying out loud, gets into a shoving match during a trackle.
*I can only imagine how loud that stadium must have been. I could hear "Dallas Sucks!" and "Hey! You Suck!" very, very clearly. Not to mention "Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys" played over the PA system. I need a audio clip.
* There were some great quotes: Troy Aikman, End of the second quarter after Dallas moved into Skins' territory: "For (Dallas) to put something positive together here...and potentially come away with points, it's going to go a long way as to how they feel going into halftime..." Next play: interception returned 42 yards by Marcus Washington. During the halftime show, Terry Bradshaw asked Howie Long why he was smiling. His response: "I'm laughing at the massacre." Aikman added later not only that the Redskins wanted the game more than Dallas, but "This is as bad as you can beat a team..."
* Clinton Portis doing the MC Hammer "2 Legit 2 Quit" in the second half. Bigups for dusting off that non-classic.
*The best moment of the night, unequivocally, was Bill Parcells' exchange with FOX's Pam Oliver at halftime:
Bill: Have you ever been an athlete?
Pam: Yes.
Bill: Have you ever had your butt kicked?
Pam: Yes.
Bill: Then you know how this feels.
'Nuff said, Bill, 'nuff said. For today.
Holy smokes! Not only did we sweep "America's Team," but we took them to the FedEx woodshed and stripped them of their very manhood!
Who knew that the feeling that we Redskins fans knew back in September could be more than replicated but surpassed in such beautiful fashion!
While it would have been great to watch the game live, the FOX broadcast had its share of golden moments:
* Keyshawn resurrected the "Just Throw Me the #$@@ Ball" face after only the second drive of the day. He was livid at someone, likely kicker Billy Cundiff who missed a 38-yard field goal. It's never a good sign when your receivers are complaining in the first quarter.
*The Bll Parcells Cavalcade of Facial Expressions. His eye-cutting at Terrance "Beat Me Deep!" Newman sliced right through him and when Cundiff tried to sit down after his miss, Parcells, like any good mother figure, let him know that his seat was over there. By himself. Pure comedy. Otherwise, Ol' Bill stood stoically on the sidelines, stone-faced, trying not to let the world know that he was watching his house burn down with his John Lennon-signed autograph still inside. Meanwhile, during the first half, FOX showed Gibbs' NASCAR driver Tony Stewart on the Skins' sidelines and I dunno what was running through his mind, but he apparently left some wedding pictures in Parcell's burning house. Fortunately, he looked more alert in a fourth quarter shot.
* You knew this was a Rivalry Game when John Hall, a place kicker, for crying out loud, gets into a shoving match during a trackle.
*I can only imagine how loud that stadium must have been. I could hear "Dallas Sucks!" and "Hey! You Suck!" very, very clearly. Not to mention "Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys" played over the PA system. I need a audio clip.
* There were some great quotes: Troy Aikman, End of the second quarter after Dallas moved into Skins' territory: "For (Dallas) to put something positive together here...and potentially come away with points, it's going to go a long way as to how they feel going into halftime..." Next play: interception returned 42 yards by Marcus Washington. During the halftime show, Terry Bradshaw asked Howie Long why he was smiling. His response: "I'm laughing at the massacre." Aikman added later not only that the Redskins wanted the game more than Dallas, but "This is as bad as you can beat a team..."
* Clinton Portis doing the MC Hammer "2 Legit 2 Quit" in the second half. Bigups for dusting off that non-classic.
*The best moment of the night, unequivocally, was Bill Parcells' exchange with FOX's Pam Oliver at halftime:
Bill: Have you ever been an athlete?
Pam: Yes.
Bill: Have you ever had your butt kicked?
Pam: Yes.
Bill: Then you know how this feels.
'Nuff said, Bill, 'nuff said. For today.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Hey Joe, About 'Dem Cowboys...
Coach Gibbs,
I realize that this has been a very long, intense five or six days for you. I bet you've been up late every night this week, watching video and throwing down 40 ounce Ovaltines. Who wouldn't blame you if you haven't gotten but a few hours of sleep; it's Beat Dallas Week and nothing would make our Sunday--no, our season--like sweeping our most hated of rivals. You remember that it's only happened three times in, oh, the last 91 attempts. Even better if we can add a not-so-gentle shove to Jerry Jones and Bill Parcells outside the playoff picture.
Forgive me in advance for stepping out of journalistic character, but I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HUGE THIS GAME IS!!! GREAT ALLEN'S GHOST, WE HAVEN'T HAD A GAME THIS BIG SINCE, LIKE, SUPER BOWL XXVI!! DID YOU KNOW IF WE WIN AND THE CHIEFS WIN, WE CAN PLAY FOR THE NFC EAST TITLE NEXT WEEK?!? I'VE GOT GOOSEBUMPS!!! GO SKINS!! ...BRAVES ON THE WARPAAAATH...!!!
That said, permit me, if you would, to give you a suggestion or three on how to make Sunday end in your favor. I concede that my few years of sports writing are nothing compared to your decades of leadership and success. I won't insult your intelligence and suggest the usual drivel like "don't turn the ball over" or "control the time of possession" or even "slip Hennessy in their Gatorade." You already know to do those, and I trust that you've already planned to accomplish them all.
I also salute you as a man of faith. So call it strategy, call it a game plan, call it a prayer request list; just make sure you do the following and I'll bet my Dad's 1987 "Doug Williams- A Touch of Class" t-shirt that we win.
1. Pray for Mark Brunell. Though the Redskins have won in fairly decisive fashion against the Rams and Cardinals, Brunell hasn't looked like the same player who was an early front runner in the Career Resurrection category of the ESPYs. In fact, his numbers have been low since that poorly-officiated Tampa Bay game. (Alstott was down.) He's had only three interceptions in those four games, but the concern is that in the same period he has a pitiful two touchdowns.
Conventional wisdom suggests that Clinton Portis is the key to offensive success on Sunday. And it's true that he and Rock Cartwright's play in the last must-win games was pivotal. But the preseason predictions for Washington were true to this degree: the play of the quarterback steers the course of this team.
I'm certain the images are burned in your memory (they are in mine), but in the Redskins' triumphant win over Dallas in September, it was Brunell's 25-yard scramble on 3rd and 27 that saved the comeback opportunity. Then Mark mustered all of his strength and launched two accurate touchdowns to Moss. All that after he was battered by Roy Williams for 55 minutes. We needed Mark to look the impossible in the face and not blink. He did so and with some late help from the defense, Washington revived a rivalry. So in your quiet time, please remember Mark.
2. Keep your head to the sky. The worse our weather, the better your chance to win. Cold, damp, miserable weather means that Jon Jansen, Chris Samuels, and the rest of the Dirtbags dictate the game's tempo. And from what they've shown recently, they're more than up to the challenge. What a treat to see Redskins Football, the kind we used to play back in the '70s and '80s where the fourth quarter was just a slow death for opponents, used with intent to beat Dallas. We have the tools to do exactly that, and the weather sure would help. I'm sure you'd take the Portis/Cartwright combination over the Julius Jones/Marion Barber threat, right?
Out of their last four games, the Cowchips have played three at home in the comfortable temperatures of Texas Stadium. 'Round here we just had a snow and ice storm, with temps dipping well below 30, and in some places as low as the teens. As of Friday, the predictions for Sunday are for a high of 37, a low of--and here's where the advantage comes in--22 degrees. I suspect we'll be a lot closer to 22 than 37 come 4:15PM. You can't control the weather, but you do control how you prepare for it. Make sure the training staff outfit our boys with the very best footwear possible. Those heat-loving Cowchips will be slipping and dropping balls right before your eyes.
3. Hit Bledsoe. Hard. It's OK to hurt him, if you like. A month ago I made an argument, opposed with some fervor by Dallas fans, that Brunell was not only a better overall quarterback than Dallas' Drew Bledsoe, but more valuable because of fewer mistakes and playmaking ability. At this point, it's a bit of a toss up. Bledsoe's home performance last week probably tilts the advantage his way, but let's be real here: they were playing the Chiefs, whom we would have put 35 points on if we had stopped fumbling.
Bledsoe ain't bad at the play action and can make a team pay if he's given time by going deep to Terry "Don't Call Me Aaron" Glenn or mid-range to Meshawn--I'm sorry, Keyshawn--Johnson. But his receivers can quickly get open if Gregg Williams sends the corners or linebackers. So yes, what I'm saying is that the front four, led by Cornelius Griffin, must sack Bledsoe early and often. Or at least make him run out of the pocket. You know he'd prefer to stand around like an electronic football piece. Once out from his protection, somebody in burgundy needs to lay the lumber. Legally. Ahem.
And watch out for that flea-flicker. I dunno how it keeps working against teams, but they love digging out that play for touchdowns.
4. Support Homogeneousness. I'm not talkin' orientation here. I mean keep any pro-Dallas people out of FedEx Field. That's right. If security sees anyone wearing silver and blue, have them led to "special seating" area near the rear dumpsters. I know that's next to impossible--I've been to Redskins/Cowchip games and I have been shocked at how many Washington fans give up their seats to the Big D faithful. It's revolting. But that was back when the Skins were consistently being beaten like the family mule. Times have changed, and the 12th Man needs to show support for their team like never before.
After that great Monday Night Football win, I wondered how many Redskins fans would have stayed to the very end of that game, when with five minutes left their team looked dead in the water. How many turned off their TVs and missed Redskins history in the making? See, your team may not win every game, Joe, but those games ain't over 'til Tony Siragusa sings. If you know what I mean. So come what may for three quarters, you need the Redskins faithful to be, well, faithful. And loud. Very, very loud.
While you're at it, make sure that we especially don't see these people:
Well, Crazy Ray can show up since I hear he's fallen on tough times. Just as long as he leaves that horse-on-a-stick at home.
There's plenty more of advice to give, Coach. You know about the long injury list, including most of the people paid to play in the secondary. I'm sure you're aware that the word on the street is that we probably won't win and even if we do, Washington will have to play its best football of the year to make it past the Giants and Eagles later. We'll let tomorrow take care of itself.
For now, take a quick nap, take a deep breath, think of it as another game to plan for. Even if it's considered the greatest NFL rivalry of all time. No pressure. Go Skins!
Still waiting on that interview,
Jeff
I realize that this has been a very long, intense five or six days for you. I bet you've been up late every night this week, watching video and throwing down 40 ounce Ovaltines. Who wouldn't blame you if you haven't gotten but a few hours of sleep; it's Beat Dallas Week and nothing would make our Sunday--no, our season--like sweeping our most hated of rivals. You remember that it's only happened three times in, oh, the last 91 attempts. Even better if we can add a not-so-gentle shove to Jerry Jones and Bill Parcells outside the playoff picture.
Forgive me in advance for stepping out of journalistic character, but I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HUGE THIS GAME IS!!! GREAT ALLEN'S GHOST, WE HAVEN'T HAD A GAME THIS BIG SINCE, LIKE, SUPER BOWL XXVI!! DID YOU KNOW IF WE WIN AND THE CHIEFS WIN, WE CAN PLAY FOR THE NFC EAST TITLE NEXT WEEK?!? I'VE GOT GOOSEBUMPS!!! GO SKINS!! ...BRAVES ON THE WARPAAAATH...!!!
That said, permit me, if you would, to give you a suggestion or three on how to make Sunday end in your favor. I concede that my few years of sports writing are nothing compared to your decades of leadership and success. I won't insult your intelligence and suggest the usual drivel like "don't turn the ball over" or "control the time of possession" or even "slip Hennessy in their Gatorade." You already know to do those, and I trust that you've already planned to accomplish them all.
I also salute you as a man of faith. So call it strategy, call it a game plan, call it a prayer request list; just make sure you do the following and I'll bet my Dad's 1987 "Doug Williams- A Touch of Class" t-shirt that we win.
1. Pray for Mark Brunell. Though the Redskins have won in fairly decisive fashion against the Rams and Cardinals, Brunell hasn't looked like the same player who was an early front runner in the Career Resurrection category of the ESPYs. In fact, his numbers have been low since that poorly-officiated Tampa Bay game. (Alstott was down.) He's had only three interceptions in those four games, but the concern is that in the same period he has a pitiful two touchdowns.
Conventional wisdom suggests that Clinton Portis is the key to offensive success on Sunday. And it's true that he and Rock Cartwright's play in the last must-win games was pivotal. But the preseason predictions for Washington were true to this degree: the play of the quarterback steers the course of this team.
I'm certain the images are burned in your memory (they are in mine), but in the Redskins' triumphant win over Dallas in September, it was Brunell's 25-yard scramble on 3rd and 27 that saved the comeback opportunity. Then Mark mustered all of his strength and launched two accurate touchdowns to Moss. All that after he was battered by Roy Williams for 55 minutes. We needed Mark to look the impossible in the face and not blink. He did so and with some late help from the defense, Washington revived a rivalry. So in your quiet time, please remember Mark.
2. Keep your head to the sky. The worse our weather, the better your chance to win. Cold, damp, miserable weather means that Jon Jansen, Chris Samuels, and the rest of the Dirtbags dictate the game's tempo. And from what they've shown recently, they're more than up to the challenge. What a treat to see Redskins Football, the kind we used to play back in the '70s and '80s where the fourth quarter was just a slow death for opponents, used with intent to beat Dallas. We have the tools to do exactly that, and the weather sure would help. I'm sure you'd take the Portis/Cartwright combination over the Julius Jones/Marion Barber threat, right?
Out of their last four games, the Cowchips have played three at home in the comfortable temperatures of Texas Stadium. 'Round here we just had a snow and ice storm, with temps dipping well below 30, and in some places as low as the teens. As of Friday, the predictions for Sunday are for a high of 37, a low of--and here's where the advantage comes in--22 degrees. I suspect we'll be a lot closer to 22 than 37 come 4:15PM. You can't control the weather, but you do control how you prepare for it. Make sure the training staff outfit our boys with the very best footwear possible. Those heat-loving Cowchips will be slipping and dropping balls right before your eyes.
3. Hit Bledsoe. Hard. It's OK to hurt him, if you like. A month ago I made an argument, opposed with some fervor by Dallas fans, that Brunell was not only a better overall quarterback than Dallas' Drew Bledsoe, but more valuable because of fewer mistakes and playmaking ability. At this point, it's a bit of a toss up. Bledsoe's home performance last week probably tilts the advantage his way, but let's be real here: they were playing the Chiefs, whom we would have put 35 points on if we had stopped fumbling.
Bledsoe ain't bad at the play action and can make a team pay if he's given time by going deep to Terry "Don't Call Me Aaron" Glenn or mid-range to Meshawn--I'm sorry, Keyshawn--Johnson. But his receivers can quickly get open if Gregg Williams sends the corners or linebackers. So yes, what I'm saying is that the front four, led by Cornelius Griffin, must sack Bledsoe early and often. Or at least make him run out of the pocket. You know he'd prefer to stand around like an electronic football piece. Once out from his protection, somebody in burgundy needs to lay the lumber. Legally. Ahem.
And watch out for that flea-flicker. I dunno how it keeps working against teams, but they love digging out that play for touchdowns.
4. Support Homogeneousness. I'm not talkin' orientation here. I mean keep any pro-Dallas people out of FedEx Field. That's right. If security sees anyone wearing silver and blue, have them led to "special seating" area near the rear dumpsters. I know that's next to impossible--I've been to Redskins/Cowchip games and I have been shocked at how many Washington fans give up their seats to the Big D faithful. It's revolting. But that was back when the Skins were consistently being beaten like the family mule. Times have changed, and the 12th Man needs to show support for their team like never before.
After that great Monday Night Football win, I wondered how many Redskins fans would have stayed to the very end of that game, when with five minutes left their team looked dead in the water. How many turned off their TVs and missed Redskins history in the making? See, your team may not win every game, Joe, but those games ain't over 'til Tony Siragusa sings. If you know what I mean. So come what may for three quarters, you need the Redskins faithful to be, well, faithful. And loud. Very, very loud.
While you're at it, make sure that we especially don't see these people:
Well, Crazy Ray can show up since I hear he's fallen on tough times. Just as long as he leaves that horse-on-a-stick at home.
There's plenty more of advice to give, Coach. You know about the long injury list, including most of the people paid to play in the secondary. I'm sure you're aware that the word on the street is that we probably won't win and even if we do, Washington will have to play its best football of the year to make it past the Giants and Eagles later. We'll let tomorrow take care of itself.
For now, take a quick nap, take a deep breath, think of it as another game to plan for. Even if it's considered the greatest NFL rivalry of all time. No pressure. Go Skins!
Still waiting on that interview,
Jeff
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
The Thrill Isn't Gone...Yet
Let me say up front that I absolutely love the concept behind my Comcast digital video recorder. The convenience of easily setting up a season's worth of recordings--no matter what time the show comes on--instantly made my VCR obsolete. My Very Patient Wife used our first DVR to harbor three melodramatic seasons of "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" which I was forced to watch, but I didn't care because it was just so cool to have TV on our own terms. But that proved to be only half of the enjoyment. Being able to pause live television (on two channels if you've got the dual-tuner box) and go to the bathroom/store/marriage counselor is priceless. It's like having the home version of the "Matrix" Bullet Time.
(Remember that TiVO commercial years ago with the guy watching soccer, and his team is about to attempt a game-winning penalty kick? He pauses the game and runs 25 blocks, breaks into a church and apparently prays for a win. Then he scoots back home and unpauses the game. Cute stuff, but completely unnecessary. I have my own Redskins-themed prayer bench in a separate room.)
So this season I've been enjoying the freedom of digital recording while keeping up with All Things Redskins. Of the nine regular season games played, I've watched two live in person, two live on TV (Dallas and Philly). Every other contest I've caught hours later after playing Snake Eyes and avoiding every possible reference to the progress, score, or outcome of the game.
Sure, it's very beneficial when taking notes for here or Hog Heaven and avoiding the 25 showings of Jonathan Ogden dancing on GEBCO Insurance commercials. Can't put a price on that freedom. And I really appreciate being able to start watching Monday Night Football a full hour and a half after its scheduled start and catch up to the fourth quarter just in time to see Philadelphia hand the game and their season over to the Cowchips in just under two minutes.
But for watching Redskins football? The convenience is beginning to ruin the very reason one spends time watching a game: to intimately experience the highs and lows, the thrills and the anguish that the team is experiencing as it happens to the team. I've discovered that that experience is what separates the Journalist from the Fan, the Die Hard Supporter from the Apathetic Score-Finder. And don't slip up and see any reference to the final score--you've immediately erased every bit of the suspense that makes the NFL interesting. Kind of like finding out who Keyser Soze was in "The Usual Suspects." Sure, you could watch and see how crafty Verbal really was, but that's small incentive to sit through two hours of exposition.
And so it is with this 2005 Redskins season. Quite frankly, I cannot resist stopping my recording and peeking at the post-game scores. I have become weak, a cheater, and it almost turns me into an emotionless observer of football rather than a passionate fan. I can't stand that. I emphasize almost because my brother Herbs called, downtrodden, just as I sneaked a peak at the Buccaneers/Skins final and when I asked if I should bother watching the game, he replied "only if you want to be angry."
I watched anyway and found myself cheering when Ladell Betts ran a kickoff back 94 yards and booing lustily when the Chris Simms threw his 30-yard touchdown. And after the late-game ref's review I was knocking glassware over as I vaulted my coffee table to mash my finger on the TV glass, pointing at the grass between Alstott's elbow and the goal line. And yep, I was righteously indignant like Coach Gibbs about the officiating.
But it felt good. I felt like a fan.
--------------------
Speaking of fans, I should reference the sadness of one coworker and Baltimore Raven fan, Guido. He thought--get this--that Kyle Boller's return would signal a difference in the Raven offense. So much so that he bet me weeks ago that Boller's first game back under center would be a win or he'd buy the office breakfast.
As I sat back enjoying a jelly-filled Dunkin Donut, I was left to wonder--is there a worse feeling than learning that the backup quarterback that you thought was The Spark, that Deserved a Chance, and can Move the Ball is equally as inept as the starter you wanted replaced? I feel for the fans who cheered when Anthony Wright stepped in after Kyle got the Turf Toe of Hades during the first game of the season in Indianapolis. Even after stinking up the rest of that contest, fans and local writers thought they could still get to the playoffs.
See, they still held onto the tranquilizing Great Football Hope: that they guy on the bench is better than the one playing. They said with vigor that Anthony Wright was the deep-throwing, comfortable, mobile slinger the Baltimore offense needed. A string of touchdownless games later, it's clear that Boller or Wright ain't the quarterback of the future. Maybe they should've made a play for Patrick Ramsey after all...
---------------------
One other note. The other week at Hog Heaven I poked fun at the blatant marketing decision by the Redskins to sell black-themed Redskins jerseys. In retrospect, I'll admit that the jerseys are still garbage, but their greyscale dress tie may be a step in the right direction for the desk-jockey fan. Also, there is finally a Redskins Super Bowl DVD retrospective available that has extra NFL Films footage and some cool extras about the Fun Bunch. It may not be as authentic in the live-every-play-again sense of the unofficial DVDs floating around, but it is still a nice addition to your Redskins game library.
(Remember that TiVO commercial years ago with the guy watching soccer, and his team is about to attempt a game-winning penalty kick? He pauses the game and runs 25 blocks, breaks into a church and apparently prays for a win. Then he scoots back home and unpauses the game. Cute stuff, but completely unnecessary. I have my own Redskins-themed prayer bench in a separate room.)
So this season I've been enjoying the freedom of digital recording while keeping up with All Things Redskins. Of the nine regular season games played, I've watched two live in person, two live on TV (Dallas and Philly). Every other contest I've caught hours later after playing Snake Eyes and avoiding every possible reference to the progress, score, or outcome of the game.
Sure, it's very beneficial when taking notes for here or Hog Heaven and avoiding the 25 showings of Jonathan Ogden dancing on GEBCO Insurance commercials. Can't put a price on that freedom. And I really appreciate being able to start watching Monday Night Football a full hour and a half after its scheduled start and catch up to the fourth quarter just in time to see Philadelphia hand the game and their season over to the Cowchips in just under two minutes.But for watching Redskins football? The convenience is beginning to ruin the very reason one spends time watching a game: to intimately experience the highs and lows, the thrills and the anguish that the team is experiencing as it happens to the team. I've discovered that that experience is what separates the Journalist from the Fan, the Die Hard Supporter from the Apathetic Score-Finder. And don't slip up and see any reference to the final score--you've immediately erased every bit of the suspense that makes the NFL interesting. Kind of like finding out who Keyser Soze was in "The Usual Suspects." Sure, you could watch and see how crafty Verbal really was, but that's small incentive to sit through two hours of exposition.
And so it is with this 2005 Redskins season. Quite frankly, I cannot resist stopping my recording and peeking at the post-game scores. I have become weak, a cheater, and it almost turns me into an emotionless observer of football rather than a passionate fan. I can't stand that. I emphasize almost because my brother Herbs called, downtrodden, just as I sneaked a peak at the Buccaneers/Skins final and when I asked if I should bother watching the game, he replied "only if you want to be angry."
I watched anyway and found myself cheering when Ladell Betts ran a kickoff back 94 yards and booing lustily when the Chris Simms threw his 30-yard touchdown. And after the late-game ref's review I was knocking glassware over as I vaulted my coffee table to mash my finger on the TV glass, pointing at the grass between Alstott's elbow and the goal line. And yep, I was righteously indignant like Coach Gibbs about the officiating.
But it felt good. I felt like a fan.
--------------------
Speaking of fans, I should reference the sadness of one coworker and Baltimore Raven fan, Guido. He thought--get this--that Kyle Boller's return would signal a difference in the Raven offense. So much so that he bet me weeks ago that Boller's first game back under center would be a win or he'd buy the office breakfast.As I sat back enjoying a jelly-filled Dunkin Donut, I was left to wonder--is there a worse feeling than learning that the backup quarterback that you thought was The Spark, that Deserved a Chance, and can Move the Ball is equally as inept as the starter you wanted replaced? I feel for the fans who cheered when Anthony Wright stepped in after Kyle got the Turf Toe of Hades during the first game of the season in Indianapolis. Even after stinking up the rest of that contest, fans and local writers thought they could still get to the playoffs.
See, they still held onto the tranquilizing Great Football Hope: that they guy on the bench is better than the one playing. They said with vigor that Anthony Wright was the deep-throwing, comfortable, mobile slinger the Baltimore offense needed. A string of touchdownless games later, it's clear that Boller or Wright ain't the quarterback of the future. Maybe they should've made a play for Patrick Ramsey after all...
---------------------
One other note. The other week at Hog Heaven I poked fun at the blatant marketing decision by the Redskins to sell black-themed Redskins jerseys. In retrospect, I'll admit that the jerseys are still garbage, but their greyscale dress tie may be a step in the right direction for the desk-jockey fan. Also, there is finally a Redskins Super Bowl DVD retrospective available that has extra NFL Films footage and some cool extras about the Fun Bunch. It may not be as authentic in the live-every-play-again sense of the unofficial DVDs floating around, but it is still a nice addition to your Redskins game library.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
There's Good News, There's Great News...
and then there's this bit o' hope for the Redskins (courtesy NFL.com):
Eagles' Owens doubtful with sprained ankle
PHILADELPHIA (Nov. 2, 2005) - - Terrell Owens might not play against Washington because of sprained right ankle that forced him to miss the Eagles' practice Nov. 2.
Owens sprained the ankle -- the same one on which he had surgery last year -- in the loss to Denver and limped around the locker room after the game.
"He is hurting," coach Andy Reid said. "He is sore. It's going to be a fight to get him there for Sunday. We're taking it day by day. He's made progress the last couple of days."
Owens is considered doubtful, meaning he has a 25-percent chance of playing against the Redskins...
Quarterback Donovan McNabb, who has put off surgery for a sports hernia, bruised a rib against the Broncos, and also missed practice. McNabb complained of soreness and stiffness, but said he'll play in Washington.
McNabb was injured when he fell on offensive lineman Shawn Andrews...
Defensive end Jevon Kearse is questionable with a shoulder injury.
The Eagles also put punter Dirk Johnson on injured reserve and signed rookie Reggie Hodges, a sixth-round pick of St. Louis who punted in five games for the Rams.
Three-time Pro Bowler David Akers could return to kick field goals against the Redskins. Akers hasn't played since tearing a hamstring earlier this season against Oakland.
------------------
Thanks, T.O., for a perfectly-timed injury. So the Redskins defense will face an offense that (a) passes too often with (b) a quarterback more banged up that O.J. Simpson in "The Naked Gun," and (c) will have its premier receiver at around 50% power, if he plays at all.
I have two quick suggestions for Gregg Williams (who, by the way, gives really good interviews. I saw him on the Comcast PostGame Live Sponsored by Tischer Acura, Brought to You by Ledo's Pizza and Shagnasty & Associates Report on Sunday and not only did he politely answer questions from Kelli Johnson like "Coach...after a game like this, you must feel, you know, awful. [long pause] Right?" but he managed to look cool, calm and collected, even though you know mentally he was gauging whether slow-torturing every defensive player would be considered justifiable homicide. Gregg, you're my rock.)
First suggestion: Key on Brian Westbrook and L.J. Smith. Westbrook leads NFL running backs in receptions; Smith is third in receptions (seventh in yardage) for tight ends. Without Owens, these guys have to be big in the Eagles' offense, and that means that the Redskins' linebackers must have an equally big game.
Second suggestion: Sacks = win. In the alternative, get some pressure on McNizzle. Look, you know and I know that Donovan isn't going to be breaking any 54 yard scrambles like he did back in 2000. In fact, how about the defense dare him to scramble, and let Arrington tee off on him once or twice. Let's see if we can make him regret resting that sports hernia .
The Eagles have won seven straight over the Redskins. May the planets be in alignment for an end to the streak...?
Eagles' Owens doubtful with sprained ankle
PHILADELPHIA (Nov. 2, 2005) - - Terrell Owens might not play against Washington because of sprained right ankle that forced him to miss the Eagles' practice Nov. 2.
Owens sprained the ankle -- the same one on which he had surgery last year -- in the loss to Denver and limped around the locker room after the game.
"He is hurting," coach Andy Reid said. "He is sore. It's going to be a fight to get him there for Sunday. We're taking it day by day. He's made progress the last couple of days."
Owens is considered doubtful, meaning he has a 25-percent chance of playing against the Redskins...
Quarterback Donovan McNabb, who has put off surgery for a sports hernia, bruised a rib against the Broncos, and also missed practice. McNabb complained of soreness and stiffness, but said he'll play in Washington.
McNabb was injured when he fell on offensive lineman Shawn Andrews...
Defensive end Jevon Kearse is questionable with a shoulder injury.
The Eagles also put punter Dirk Johnson on injured reserve and signed rookie Reggie Hodges, a sixth-round pick of St. Louis who punted in five games for the Rams.
Three-time Pro Bowler David Akers could return to kick field goals against the Redskins. Akers hasn't played since tearing a hamstring earlier this season against Oakland.
------------------
Thanks, T.O., for a perfectly-timed injury. So the Redskins defense will face an offense that (a) passes too often with (b) a quarterback more banged up that O.J. Simpson in "The Naked Gun," and (c) will have its premier receiver at around 50% power, if he plays at all.
I have two quick suggestions for Gregg Williams (who, by the way, gives really good interviews. I saw him on the Comcast PostGame Live Sponsored by Tischer Acura, Brought to You by Ledo's Pizza and Shagnasty & Associates Report on Sunday and not only did he politely answer questions from Kelli Johnson like "Coach...after a game like this, you must feel, you know, awful. [long pause] Right?" but he managed to look cool, calm and collected, even though you know mentally he was gauging whether slow-torturing every defensive player would be considered justifiable homicide. Gregg, you're my rock.)
First suggestion: Key on Brian Westbrook and L.J. Smith. Westbrook leads NFL running backs in receptions; Smith is third in receptions (seventh in yardage) for tight ends. Without Owens, these guys have to be big in the Eagles' offense, and that means that the Redskins' linebackers must have an equally big game.
Second suggestion: Sacks = win. In the alternative, get some pressure on McNizzle. Look, you know and I know that Donovan isn't going to be breaking any 54 yard scrambles like he did back in 2000. In fact, how about the defense dare him to scramble, and let Arrington tee off on him once or twice. Let's see if we can make him regret resting that sports hernia .
The Eagles have won seven straight over the Redskins. May the planets be in alignment for an end to the streak...?
Monday, October 31, 2005
From Beast to Least in the East
Great Theismann's Mousse, that was a hard game to stomach. 24 hours later, the questions still remain: What happened to Gibbs' great motivational tactics? Were they all wasted hyping up the rookie-led 49ers? Did former Redskins linebacker Antonio Pierce really tip off every offensive play for New York? Did Washington collectively decide to mail in their performance out of respect for Wellington Mara? Would a healthy Cornelius Griffin have made a difference? Will Portis still think it's cute to play dress-up for the media after a 9-yard game?
As I mentioned over at Football Outsiders, you know you're a Redskins die-hard fan when your team manages to collapse in such a brilliantly craptacular way--when it really counts--and yet you come back to cheer them on again seven days later.
My modus operandi this season has been to record the Redskins' 1PM games on my Comcastic DVR and catch up on the action a few hours later. Now usually I'm pretty good about not watching any 4PM games and accidentally seeing the early game's final score. In fact, I pride myself on the maturity and discipline it takes to avoid the Internet, sports radio, and conversations with friends (which usually involves putting fingers in my ears and humming "Battle Hymn of the Republic") to preserve the games' suspense.
After two quarters and one play of gut-wrenchingly pitiful play, I had had enough. When Ladell Betts fumbled the second-half opening kickoff, I knew that this day would get no better, and for mental stability I should abandon all hope of a comeback. I stopped the recording and switched to the Eagles/Broncos contest, which conveniently was wrapping up the halftime show. And there, in the top ticker-tape, was the final Redskins score: 0-36.
At that moment I was torn between two responses: dumbfounded paralysis or banging my fists on the floor in teary torment, yelling "I've done all you wanted me to do! Why?!?" like John Locke over the "Lost" hatch.
Actually, I picked a third response, to which any modern football fan would likely revert: I watched the Eagles and Broncos game, hoping my fantasy players would come through for me. And yes, Jake Plummer and Terrell Owens had fantastic days, so there was some measure of joy on Sunday.
(Oddly enough, it is in this baffling loss that I've noticed a serious spike in hits here and at Hog Heaven. Maybe people love to see how Redskins fans tap-dance their way out of support for their team. I dunno. But I'm going down with a fight, even if I have to eat a cold plate o' crow after announcing at CBS Sportsline that Mara's death wouldn't mean a win for New York.)
So what does this loss mean? Well, my buddy Tony the Shark--a devoted Cowchip fan--believes that it virtually locks in New York for the NFC East playoff spot. Sabado Gigante's final games, however, include only two near-guarantee wins, San Fran and Minnesota, plus one probable win at Oakland. That'd take Big Blue to a healthy 8 wins, two losses. But ah, they still face this Murderer's Row: Philly (twice), at Dallas, Kansas City, Washington at FedEx, and at Seattle. That could very easily be six more L's for New York.
Cowchip fans, likely soaking up the "Giants and Dallas are the class of the NFC East" bottom-kissing, should note that their final games include only *one* near-guarantee win, Detroit. St. Louis is their probably win, and the remaining contests are actually tougher than the Giants': at the Egos, Denver, at the Giants, Kansas City, at Washington, and at Carolina.
Philadelphia's final schedule looks like so: near-guarantee wins over the sloppy Packers and Cardinals, probable win against St. Louis. After that, it's Washington twice, Dallas, twice versus the Giants, and home for Seattle. Ouch.
And so it is, then, that every team in this competitive NFC East will be in contention for both a division crown and wild card spot in the final weeks of the year. My prediction is that the losses or wins to the St. Louis Rams, of all people, that will make the difference. You read it here first.
Oh yeah, lots of love to the good people at Deadspin.com, who were kind enough to spread the word about Hog Heaven and the Redskins Review. The Review has been online for exactly one year and Hog Heaven for just under nine months, and it's nice to get a "well done!" from your readers.
As I mentioned over at Football Outsiders, you know you're a Redskins die-hard fan when your team manages to collapse in such a brilliantly craptacular way--when it really counts--and yet you come back to cheer them on again seven days later.
My modus operandi this season has been to record the Redskins' 1PM games on my Comcastic DVR and catch up on the action a few hours later. Now usually I'm pretty good about not watching any 4PM games and accidentally seeing the early game's final score. In fact, I pride myself on the maturity and discipline it takes to avoid the Internet, sports radio, and conversations with friends (which usually involves putting fingers in my ears and humming "Battle Hymn of the Republic") to preserve the games' suspense.
After two quarters and one play of gut-wrenchingly pitiful play, I had had enough. When Ladell Betts fumbled the second-half opening kickoff, I knew that this day would get no better, and for mental stability I should abandon all hope of a comeback. I stopped the recording and switched to the Eagles/Broncos contest, which conveniently was wrapping up the halftime show. And there, in the top ticker-tape, was the final Redskins score: 0-36.
At that moment I was torn between two responses: dumbfounded paralysis or banging my fists on the floor in teary torment, yelling "I've done all you wanted me to do! Why?!?" like John Locke over the "Lost" hatch.
Actually, I picked a third response, to which any modern football fan would likely revert: I watched the Eagles and Broncos game, hoping my fantasy players would come through for me. And yes, Jake Plummer and Terrell Owens had fantastic days, so there was some measure of joy on Sunday.
(Oddly enough, it is in this baffling loss that I've noticed a serious spike in hits here and at Hog Heaven. Maybe people love to see how Redskins fans tap-dance their way out of support for their team. I dunno. But I'm going down with a fight, even if I have to eat a cold plate o' crow after announcing at CBS Sportsline that Mara's death wouldn't mean a win for New York.)
So what does this loss mean? Well, my buddy Tony the Shark--a devoted Cowchip fan--believes that it virtually locks in New York for the NFC East playoff spot. Sabado Gigante's final games, however, include only two near-guarantee wins, San Fran and Minnesota, plus one probable win at Oakland. That'd take Big Blue to a healthy 8 wins, two losses. But ah, they still face this Murderer's Row: Philly (twice), at Dallas, Kansas City, Washington at FedEx, and at Seattle. That could very easily be six more L's for New York.
Cowchip fans, likely soaking up the "Giants and Dallas are the class of the NFC East" bottom-kissing, should note that their final games include only *one* near-guarantee win, Detroit. St. Louis is their probably win, and the remaining contests are actually tougher than the Giants': at the Egos, Denver, at the Giants, Kansas City, at Washington, and at Carolina.
Philadelphia's final schedule looks like so: near-guarantee wins over the sloppy Packers and Cardinals, probable win against St. Louis. After that, it's Washington twice, Dallas, twice versus the Giants, and home for Seattle. Ouch.
And so it is, then, that every team in this competitive NFC East will be in contention for both a division crown and wild card spot in the final weeks of the year. My prediction is that the losses or wins to the St. Louis Rams, of all people, that will make the difference. You read it here first.
Oh yeah, lots of love to the good people at Deadspin.com, who were kind enough to spread the word about Hog Heaven and the Redskins Review. The Review has been online for exactly one year and Hog Heaven for just under nine months, and it's nice to get a "well done!" from your readers.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Random Rants
Things that have crossed my mind lately...
~ ~ If there’s a downside to the return of LaVar Arrington during Sunday’s smackdown of the witless 49ers, it was that, well, all the Arrington vs. Redskins talk comes to an end. Aside from the team’s 4-2 start and Mark Brunell’s resurrected career, the majority of the Redskins buzz has surrounded the benching of the team’s most popular player. Media types from radio to print to Internet weighed in, usually finding that Arrington deserved to play because of his raw ability to be a playmaker.
My two cents? It was fun seeing Arrington flying around the field, decapitating quarterback Alex Smith, and playing to the home crowd. But amid the put-him-in-on-reputation arguments was lost this simple truth (which some folks at ExtremeRedskins.com don’t want to hear): the guy playing in front of him played and practiced better. Lemar Marshall replaced Arrington last season, and until Sunday led the team in tackles. He did exactly what he was asked to do, so the better question is: why bench Lemar? The week before the SanFran game, Arrington practiced well and—surprise!—he played on Sunday. I don’t doubt that there were some soft apologies exchanged during last week.Are you kidding me? It’s a brilliant idea! I work in law, and the dress code in my workplace is business, rarely entering the zone of Casual Friday because of the necessity of impromptu court appearances. So what do professional fans do to express their team loyalty? Place a flag on your sticky board? Drape a Darrell Green jersey over the back of your chair? How gauche. What D.C. day trader wouldn’t want to be seen around the office in an NFL-authorized black single-breasted suit with a fancy Redskins crest sewn into the breast pocket?
~ ~ Are you like me? Are you completely annoyed by the lack of plot development in ABC’s Lost? We’re up to episode six—which airs in mid-November—and only four Lost days have passed since Walt, Sawyer, Michael and Jin set sail into Sharkticon-infested waters. Sure, we know that the Others walk softly and don’t bathe; and yeah, we’ve seen the Execute button sequence, and we know that Ana Lucia acts like Donald Trump but without the money, android assistants, and toupee. Want to learn anything of any use, like, I dunno, where are the rest of the tail section people? and the characters engage in egregiously vague fact-dodging conversations.
LIBBY: Sorry, Michael.
MICHAEL: Sorry about what?
LIBBY: You know, about throwing you and your friends into the pit.
MICHAEL: Friends.
LIBBY: What?
MICHAEL: I guess I just never thought about it like that. I mean, I guess one of them is my friend.
LIBBY: I'm guessing not the redneck.
MICHAEL: Yeah, not the redneck.
LIBBY: I don't think I've ever seen someone so scared in my life. And I know about scared.
MICHAEL: That why you threw us in the pit -- because you're scared?
LIBBY: And we've got trust issues.
MICHAEL: Huh, how about that? Where the hell are all the fruit?
Just the other morning the hosts—I have no idea what their names are—griped at length about the impotent offense, the ridiculous penalties, and suspect winning percentage of Billick over his last 12 games. Not only did they paint the Ravens guilty of believing their own hype machine but unsolicited comments from former Raven Mike McCrary strongly suggested that felonious Jamal Lewis is intentionally not giving 100%. There’s talk of franchise favoritism because Todd Heap got a contract renewal while Ray, Jamal, and other big names have to wait.
Normally, I wouldn’t gloat, but after
~ ~ Lastly, ain't it great when corporate sponsor underestimate the Redskins offense? A couple of years ago, Domino's Pizza had a gameday promotion that offered $1.00 off a pizza and a free 20oz. soda for every touchdown the team scored. That was the year the Redskins, under Norv Turner, went buckwild, never scoring less than 17 points per game, maxing out at 35, 38, 48 and 50 points some weeks. It was beautiful. I remember going to Domino's with my Pops, getting two pizzas, five sodas, and walking right out. That promotion mysteriously disappeared the next season.
Now comes Papa John's, the next official pizza of the Skins, offering one free topping for each touchdown, doubled if the team wins the game. Monday, Redskins fans across the D.C. area challenged their digestive systems with a maximum fourteen free toppings. Silly pizza people. When will you learn? If I ran a pizza joint, I'd offer a free medium one topping pizza for every interception returned for a touchdown or five cents off for every patently ridiculous comment by Tony "Put Portis In Spandex" Siragusa during a Redskins broadcast. Based on this season, the latter promotion would've put me out of business.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Great Moments in Television
I’ve been watching Redskins football for a more than two decades, and have had a variety of game-watching experiences. I remember injuring myself back in 1982 attempting a gleeful, awkward somersault while Mike Nelms returned a kickoff 76 yards against Dallas in the NFC Championship game. I didn’t care that it left a bruise. I remember rooting against my Redskins for the first and only time on January 10, 1988, as Washington bested the team of my childhood hero, Walter Payton. It was his final game, and I secretly held back tears as the rest of my family cheered the Redskins’ Super Bowl berth.
Nothing so memorable happened as I watched the Redskins versus Broncos ,but it sure was dramatic.
Every story worth repeating begins with the words “my mother-in-law,” and this one is no different. My mother-in-law’s birthday was this past Saturday, and on Sunday her family decided to celebrate her [censored]th birthday with dinner at a local restaurant. She and the family were traveling back from an early hiking trip and estimated their arrival at the restaurant at around 5PM. The Redskins game was scheduled to begin at 4:15PM. Apart from faking a serious illness (such as typhoid fever), there was no getting out of the birthday dinner.
My wife and I had spent the early afternoon traipsing around Bowie after church, waiting on when to meet her family. When we got word of the 5 o’clock estimate, I guessed I had just enough time to head home, hit Record on my DVR and prepare to leave for dinner. And that’s what I did. I was actually able to see Portis’ fumble before my wife pulled me out of the house.
Throughout dinner, of course, my mind wandered back to the Redskins game—how bad were the Broncos winning? Would we keep fumbling all day? Can Moss continue being clutch on third downs? Is my team for real this year? It was maddening. I nonetheless felt comfortable, knowing that the game was being recorded and that if I could deftly avoid any and all mentions of the game, it would be like watching it live. Sort of.
I wasn’t able to watch my recording until near 9PM. I sat down with pen and paper, ready to take in every aspect of the game and enjoy the freedom of rewinding plays and skipping commercials ad nauseum. The game was highly entertaining, and I’m proud to say I resisted the urge to fast forward through plays, then rewind if something interesting happened. Call me a disciplined Redskins fan.
Midway through the third quarter, when the game seemed destined to be a close finish, I realized that my DVR didn’t record the game, but CBS’ estimated three hour, fifteen minute block of time for the game. “Surely,” I assured myself, “this game will end on time. Not too many penalties, few injuries…”
Perhaps you see where this story is headed.
Midway through the fourth quarter, the Redskins were down by 11, but I was the one getting desperate. The Redskins kicked a field goal to pull within eight, the defense forced Denver into a three-and-out, and with four minutes left in regulation—and six minutes of recording—the Redskins began the potential tying drive on their six yard line.
Each play seemed to take forever (“Why aren’t we in hurry up?!?” I exclaimed to Washington, who still had four minutes to play), and when a referee was steamrolled by Robert Royal, I felt for him—I really did—but I sat aghast at the resulting mandatory television time out. Another 1:30 of commercials.
With fifteen seconds left of recording, the Redskins had used four game time minutes and managed to only reach their own 49 yard line. But that was okay, because Gibbs and company were facing a fourth and ten with just over two minutes remaining. “This is for the game,” the broadcast team reminded the uninformed viewer. I nodded my head in agreement.
Mark Brunell dropped back, and…was sacked for a nine-yard loss. My recording stopped on the image of Denver tackle Gerard Warren celebrating while Brunell peeled himself off the ground.
“Well, that was that,” I informed my very patient wife. “We fought hard, but it just wasn’t meant to happen tonight. Hey, 3-1 and first in the East ain’t so bad, huh? Those Cowchips did us a favor by beating the Eagles.” The Missus addressed my astute insight with a yawn. It was now near midnight and I started to summarize my game notes and evaluate the Redskins’ performance.
At this point, I’m singing “Just Once” by James Ingram: “I did my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough…”
Before I decided to retire, I decided to watch my recording of the 7:30 PM NFL Primetime. The benevolent wife agreed with the continuing of the late football smorgasbord…if I’d rub her feet. Using my internal Husband Calculator (which computes two birds, one stone into 5000 different situations), I agreed to the offer.
Chris Berman and Tom Jackson ran through the scores and highlights, and in my increasing drowsiness and foot rubbing I’d missed the Redskins game results on the sports ticker. The Skins/Broncos game highlight began, and eventually Brunell was sacked for a nine yard loss. “But wait! Ooh, Tom, there was a defensive holding call!” bellowed Berman.
I jumped up, throwing my wife’s feet off my lap, and paused the recording. “Did you see that?” I asked my wife’s direction. “The game wasn’t over then! Great Scott, we could have still won!” In an instant, I was teleported back twenty minutes, and I resumed sweating. Never before had I cared so much about an ESPN highlight show.
Berman continued “Now with 1:15 left, Brunell from the Denver 11…touchdown to Chris Cooley!” I paused the show and went bonkers, proclaiming the genius of Gibbs, Brunell, and, for good measure, George Allen. “I don’t believe it! We have a team! Undefeated!” I explained to the spot on the couch where my wife used to be.
We all know what happened next. The next play showed Brunell’s errant two-point conversion to David Patten that effectively ended the game.
And there I silently sat, hoarse, dejected, and ten seconds from marital discord.
It’s obviously my mother-in-law’s fault.
Nothing so memorable happened as I watched the Redskins versus Broncos ,but it sure was dramatic.
Every story worth repeating begins with the words “my mother-in-law,” and this one is no different. My mother-in-law’s birthday was this past Saturday, and on Sunday her family decided to celebrate her [censored]th birthday with dinner at a local restaurant. She and the family were traveling back from an early hiking trip and estimated their arrival at the restaurant at around 5PM. The Redskins game was scheduled to begin at 4:15PM. Apart from faking a serious illness (such as typhoid fever), there was no getting out of the birthday dinner.
My wife and I had spent the early afternoon traipsing around Bowie after church, waiting on when to meet her family. When we got word of the 5 o’clock estimate, I guessed I had just enough time to head home, hit Record on my DVR and prepare to leave for dinner. And that’s what I did. I was actually able to see Portis’ fumble before my wife pulled me out of the house.
Throughout dinner, of course, my mind wandered back to the Redskins game—how bad were the Broncos winning? Would we keep fumbling all day? Can Moss continue being clutch on third downs? Is my team for real this year? It was maddening. I nonetheless felt comfortable, knowing that the game was being recorded and that if I could deftly avoid any and all mentions of the game, it would be like watching it live. Sort of.
I wasn’t able to watch my recording until near 9PM. I sat down with pen and paper, ready to take in every aspect of the game and enjoy the freedom of rewinding plays and skipping commercials ad nauseum. The game was highly entertaining, and I’m proud to say I resisted the urge to fast forward through plays, then rewind if something interesting happened. Call me a disciplined Redskins fan.
Midway through the third quarter, when the game seemed destined to be a close finish, I realized that my DVR didn’t record the game, but CBS’ estimated three hour, fifteen minute block of time for the game. “Surely,” I assured myself, “this game will end on time. Not too many penalties, few injuries…”
Perhaps you see where this story is headed.
Midway through the fourth quarter, the Redskins were down by 11, but I was the one getting desperate. The Redskins kicked a field goal to pull within eight, the defense forced Denver into a three-and-out, and with four minutes left in regulation—and six minutes of recording—the Redskins began the potential tying drive on their six yard line.
Each play seemed to take forever (“Why aren’t we in hurry up?!?” I exclaimed to Washington, who still had four minutes to play), and when a referee was steamrolled by Robert Royal, I felt for him—I really did—but I sat aghast at the resulting mandatory television time out. Another 1:30 of commercials.
With fifteen seconds left of recording, the Redskins had used four game time minutes and managed to only reach their own 49 yard line. But that was okay, because Gibbs and company were facing a fourth and ten with just over two minutes remaining. “This is for the game,” the broadcast team reminded the uninformed viewer. I nodded my head in agreement.
Mark Brunell dropped back, and…was sacked for a nine-yard loss. My recording stopped on the image of Denver tackle Gerard Warren celebrating while Brunell peeled himself off the ground.
“Well, that was that,” I informed my very patient wife. “We fought hard, but it just wasn’t meant to happen tonight. Hey, 3-1 and first in the East ain’t so bad, huh? Those Cowchips did us a favor by beating the Eagles.” The Missus addressed my astute insight with a yawn. It was now near midnight and I started to summarize my game notes and evaluate the Redskins’ performance.
At this point, I’m singing “Just Once” by James Ingram: “I did my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough…”
Before I decided to retire, I decided to watch my recording of the 7:30 PM NFL Primetime. The benevolent wife agreed with the continuing of the late football smorgasbord…if I’d rub her feet. Using my internal Husband Calculator (which computes two birds, one stone into 5000 different situations), I agreed to the offer.
Chris Berman and Tom Jackson ran through the scores and highlights, and in my increasing drowsiness and foot rubbing I’d missed the Redskins game results on the sports ticker. The Skins/Broncos game highlight began, and eventually Brunell was sacked for a nine yard loss. “But wait! Ooh, Tom, there was a defensive holding call!” bellowed Berman.
I jumped up, throwing my wife’s feet off my lap, and paused the recording. “Did you see that?” I asked my wife’s direction. “The game wasn’t over then! Great Scott, we could have still won!” In an instant, I was teleported back twenty minutes, and I resumed sweating. Never before had I cared so much about an ESPN highlight show.
Berman continued “Now with 1:15 left, Brunell from the Denver 11…touchdown to Chris Cooley!” I paused the show and went bonkers, proclaiming the genius of Gibbs, Brunell, and, for good measure, George Allen. “I don’t believe it! We have a team! Undefeated!” I explained to the spot on the couch where my wife used to be.
We all know what happened next. The next play showed Brunell’s errant two-point conversion to David Patten that effectively ended the game.
And there I silently sat, hoarse, dejected, and ten seconds from marital discord.
It’s obviously my mother-in-law’s fault.
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