Old. Fashioned. Butt. Whuppin'.

Hey, not my words, but only because Champ "Porous"Bailey used them first in a post-game interview. I'd also like to add that the Redskins got pimp-slapped around for 60 minutes. They got their manhood taken. And most importantly, they disappointed their fans.

Let me start by addressing a most disturbing comment by LaVar "Beast" Arrington post-game. I believe Sonny Jurgensen was asking Sir Arrington if they was some confusion on some defensive plays. LaVar said, and I paraphrase here: "Yeah, we were confused a couple times. The fans were so loud that we really couldn't communicate well with each other, so we made some mistakes."

Um...

In NFL history, has the defense EVER blamed their performance on their HOME CROWD?!? Were the Redskins' defensive plays so complicated that they needed to talk about what they were going to do? Appartently not--McNabb punt-passed-and-kicked his way through LaVar and Co. anytime he wanted. And for the record, we were loud only for about ONE QUARTER because after 15 minutes the game was already beyond the Redskins' reach. This is the most ridiculous, buck-passin', apology-needin' post-performance excuse I have ever heard. The nerve.

I'll also quickly note that Champ said that Donovan "Chunky Soup" McNabb just had a perfect game and they needed to work on a scheme to defend him. Mr. Bailey, they needed to work on a scheme to defend McNabb LAST WEEK. This is why you don't play two games back-to-back. That's what Marvin "Unproven" Lewis was brought in to do. Horrible game plan, Mr. Lewis, and even if the plan passed as marginal, the execution by the defense was straight poop.

The Skins play the Eagles twice a year, and McNabb's a 4-year veteran. That's up to 8 times the Skins have had to "work on a scheme to defend" McNabb. Ain't figured it out yet. I'll give you that Donovan was on target last night--but we didn't exactly give him much resistance. He passed to wide-open receivers in the middle and burned our corners and safeties down the middle. Perfect? Naw. Unchallenged? Yep.

This game was rough to sit through because the pre-kickoff hype was electric. They must've played the Monday Night Football theme 10 times, and paratroopers flew right over our heads onto the field. When the last, with an American flag in tow, landed, the stadium was deafening, shouting "USA, USA!" Great, great stuff.

Our offense stepped on the field and, um, did squat. Zilch. They got less and less yards on consecutive drives--Spurrier apparently trying out his "None-and-Gun" scheme. Stephen "Last Man Standing" Davis gave great effort, still picking up 5+ yards on carries through the second half (when they gave him the ball). But Shane "Shame" Matthews and Danny "Woeful" Wuerffel provided next to nothing. Bad reads, horrible throws, and Danny went down for a sack anytime the wind blew. We COULD have been in this game when we went on 4th-and-10 (!) at the close of the first half. But Rod "Westbrook" Gardener let a pass hit him in the hands and didn't bother to catch it. (Must've been thinking about how much money Snyder gives him to practice catching the ball.) Would've been a touchdown. Eagles got the ball and kicked a field goal. 10 point swing, ballgame.

Jacquez Green scored our only points tonight in a spectacular punt return. And we made the extra point. That's all there is to say about special teams.

I know ABC has had enough of putting the Skins on MNF; we stank it up against Green Bay last year (37-0) and even lost the 2001 Toilet Bowl vs. the Cowchips. After last night, heck, *I* wouldn't schedule 'em for a Monday night. I shudder at the loss of revenue when people went to sleep in the first half.

It's easy to get apocalyptic with the Redskins, so I'll resist the urge and put this in some perspective. You gotta fall back on what you know to help you get through rough times. So this is what helped me swallow the loss and look forward to next week:

At least we're not as bad as the Baltimore Ravens.
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OFFENSE: F (We have an ugly QB controversy brewing now...)
DEFENSE: F (Dorsey "Backup" Levens runs for 47 yards?)
Sp.TEAMS: C - (Jacquez gets the week off. The rest of the team has to watch "Moulin Rouge" every day.)
COACHES: F - (We were down by 23 points and ran the ball on 2nd and 22 and 3rd and 23. Have some heart, Spurrier.)